It's 10:30 p.m. on a Wednesday night. I'm not ready to go to bed, yet I know I need to. I'm not tired; I know that if I "go to bed" I'll lie there awake, which will only piss me off.

I've been sitting at the computer for an hour trying to figure out how to make a Flash slideshow presentation for my web site. It's a lot more complicated than I thought it would be. There's HTML involved. That's almost as bad as making me do math.

And... am I shaking? Yes. But the energy involved in walking to the next room to grab my meter to test is not appetizing right now. Because I know if I walk into my dark bedroom to test my sugar I'll be lulled into bed and as I mentioned before... I'm not ready to go to bed yet.

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A stayed with me for what seemed like forever, but was probably 10ish minutes. The kids' doctor, Dr. N, came in and stayed with me just as long. V was in and out offering help where she could.

A gave me SweeTarts. Then juice. We all talked about my pump and diabetes and Dex. We all watched the line on Dex continue to go low. And I kept saying this isn't about my blood sugar. I've never felt faint from a low before and I didn't have any of my other tell-tale low signs.

Dr. N asked if I had had diarrhea lately. Well, actually yes, I told her. She speculated that I was fighting something off. It started to make sense. I mean, I shot up to 300 practically without notice and in what seemed like a matter of minutes.

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So at the end of the first part of this post I was eating popcorn. I threw in some York peppermint patty pieces for a little holiday variety. My tummy was feeling better and while I had bolused for the cereal and some of the popcorn my sugar shot up to over 300 mg/dL before I knew it. I bolused again thinking I had underestimated carbs.

And then I left the office early to pick up the kids: the girls had their well child visits and No. 1 needed to see the orthodontist to have his retainer tightened. I continued to monitor Dex and while I had finally started to drop it seemed manageable and I felt fine.

Let me just say right now how much I adore our pediatrician's office. They are so thorough and take so much time to listen to what's going on and address every issue. Knowing that, it's no surprise that we were there nearly two hours this afternoon.

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I don't even know where to start this post. Should I tell you first how I started to fell sick after dinner last night and how my blood sugar was on the low side until this morning or how I nearly fainted at the pediatrician's office this afternoon?

I think I'll start from the beginning. Because, really, the best part is the near-fainting and why would I want to tell you all about that first without telling you what lead up to it?

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As I stood in the bathroom Friday night, I had to count on my fingers. The math was too much for me any other way. Tuesday, Wednesday... one, two, three. I had to count twice because I didn't believe that I had gotten 11 days out of my Dexcom sensor.

I was still getting mostly good readings, but Friday things had started to get a little farther off than I like and I had put extra tape on the peeling sensor to keep it on as long as I could.

I was beyond thrilled with how things had gone over the last 11 days. I had not often gone over 200 and when I did I knew why. And my lows were kept at bay. I really felt like I was getting out of Dex what I should have been getting out of it all along. I had this goal in front of me to lower my A1C and I felt like Dex was helping me achieve that goal.

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last night I screamed. I screamed in the kitchen last night. I beat my fists against my legs and pounded my feet against the cold tile floor like a child in the midst of a temper tantrum. I clenched my fists and screamed.
 

silently.
 

a tedious task that needed steady hands. interrupted. I screamed last night.
 

silently.
 

nothing to do but sit on the couch. and wait. and scream. unsure of when the shaking will be gone so I can pick up and continue with my task. with life.
 

I am screaming now. 76 and a nose dive showing on Dex. I do not want to eat. I am not hungry. The thought of sugar makes me want to vomit.
 

I am screaming now.
 

silently. (READ MORE)