I've been in a mood all day and I think part of the reason is because I've been thinking about writing this post. This is not an easy subject to talk about and I realize that there are people who will vehemently disagree with me and others who will completely identify with what I'm about to say.

I've been thinking about writing a post like this for some time, but I don't think I had the nerve to put this out there for the whole internet world to read. But after a fairly intense discussion with sara n. dipity last week about food, food choices and, essentially, will power, I think it's time for me to go ahead and put it out there.

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...I don't want to make the effort. This has absolutely nothing to do with the amount of insulin I take or optimal blood sugar control--although those aspects of dropping a few pounds would certainly be welcome.

I simply hate the way I look. I can't stand how I look in a mirror. I wonder all the time if people are staring at my thunder things or three-baby-having flabby abdomen. Realistically I know I'm the one focusing on these issues, but as a girl I still wonder what others think.

It's ironic, but I find myself being judgemental of other plus-size women. How can she be taken seriously when she's so chunky? I'm sure the judgements go both ways, and I suppose this affects my self-confidence in a way I haven't been able to truly see.

It's easy to pick apart all the things that I don't like about my body, and I don't look at myself too long in a mirror, and I often imagine how other people see me. (READ MORE)

I am feeling a bit discouraged and overwhelmed today. Just a week ago I was high on getting my exercise in and then wham, I let it stop being top priority and it fell away.

I wish I could just wake up and eat what I like, not eat if I like, pretty much I'd like to do whatever I darn well please. I feel so much pressure. Pressure to eat right for the baby, eat right for the diabetes and weight thing, exercise, test at regular times, eat at regular times, log my eating, try to get enough sleep, write enough posts for here, etc., etc. I'd love to give up some sleep to get some things done, but that just messes with everything else I'm trying to do. (READ MORE)