If you expect to hear it, then should it really be that bad?

Yes and no. 

Today's endo appointment wasn't as bad as I thought it would be in terms of feeling like I was getting raked over the coals. First, the good news: the thyroid nodule hasn't grown and I don't need to follow up on it until March 2012. Like K said when they first discovered it, I've probably had it forever. And nodules are apparently pretty common.

So the bad news: cholesterol is up, thyroid out of whack for the first time in ages, A1C up. Everything is up except my mood.

I think I generally take this kind of news in stride during the appointment. It's typically hours later when I realize what I went through. And that's when I start kicking myself and hating diabetes and thinking about how nice it would be to not have to think about all this stuff all the time.

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I have to do something this afternoon that I've never done before. And I'm not looking forward to it. In fact, I suspect there will be ridiculous amounts of screaming and crying.

No. 2 needs bloodwork. *sigh* Actually, she's the toughest of all the kids when it comes to stuff like this so she may surprise me and not throw a fit, but I'm seriously not holding my breath.

She has a strange mix of things going on with her and the doctor thought getting some bloodwork would either help rule out a connection or help us treat the problems as a whole.

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Yesterday I was a tad run down and equally cranky. This morning, while I did get up and walk, I felt heavy and tired and run down. Wasn't sure I was going to make it until 2 p.m. for the repeat needle biopsy on my thyroid nodule.

9:30 a.m. I was getting settled at my desk and had already started counting the hours. My legs were restless and I think I looked at the clock about every 30 seconds.

Acutely aware of my nerves, I tried to take lots of deep breaths, tried to focus, tried to pray, tried to calm down. And then I think I gave in: there just was not going to be a calm Michelle until after the biopsy.

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I like to be prepared for things. Especially when it comes to medical procedures. And especially especially when those medical procedures involve getting a needle stuck in my neck.

A couple weeks ago when I saw Dr. R she recommended that I have a repeat biopsy on my thyroid nodule. The one that's so freaking gigantic. Although she said I'm not symptomatic and that I've likely had it for years, the American Thyroid Association (I think that's the one) recommends nodules over a certain size (which mine is) be biopsied until a diagnosis can be made. And since the last biopsy I had came back non-diagnostic (which means they didn't get enough cells in the biopsy to determine anything) she thought we should do another.

"How did you do with it last time?" she asked me.

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What are you thinking about right now? Is it the color purple? Because that's what you should be thinking about right now. Purple. Now it's everywhere, right? All of a sudden it seems to be everywhere you look. See, right there? No, on your left. It's purple.

Everywhere.

That's what I've been dealing with for the last roughly five months -- finally being able to put my finger on something and then it's freaking everywhere. Earlier this year I had a "routine" ultrasound on my thyroid. I've been taking medication for more than 10 years because of my thyroid and my new endo is the first doctor to ever suggest I have an ultrasound.

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One thing about diabetes that can be particularly frustrating is not knowing how our body will react to stress. I've had just as many highs from stress as I have had unexpected lows.

Strangely, I think I more often go lowish from certain kinds of stress. Namely medical stress. Just over a year ago, for example, I had to have an MRI on my hip with contrasting dye and it was really an experience I was not prepared for. Sitting in the waiting area before the procedure I was high. During the part where the doctor injected the dye into my hip, I felt myself going low and thought I was going to pass out.

And then there was the minor hand surgery I had two and a half years ago where my sugar stayed low all morning until my mid-day surgery. (READ MORE)