When resources are scarce, it is human nature to try to prioritize and cut back until the situation improves. Usually, these are either short-term or seasonal shortages, giving us some idea of how long we will need to endure -- a sort of "countdown" calendar to work against. When we don't know how long the shortages will last, when necessities such as food, water, and medicine will return, we hunker down into what is called a "siege mentality". The problem with a siege mentality is that it can lead into a downward spiral, with the shortages getting more and more pronounced, until it seems impossible that there will be an outlet or that it will arrive in time... or until the besieged die.

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I hate today.

My annual eye exam is this afternoon and every time I have to have this done, it seems I get more freaked out about it. I have a “thing” about my eyes. Let me put it to you this way, the first time I got contact lenses it took me literally 1 hour to get one in! It's embarrassing to admit that but it is the truth.

The fear I have is two fold. The uncomfortable procedure itself and whatever the doctor will find.

I cannot stand those thick eye drops. It is like molasses. Thick sticky muck being dropped in my eyes. I hate it. And it stings. At least to me it stings and there is little worse then eyes that are stinging in my humble opinion.

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Here it comes. The flood of tears that I couldn't hold back anymore. I could feel it way back in there but thought they would pass.

The Mr. calls and can hear the stress in my voice and I don't try to hide it.

"What's wrong," he wants to know.

"I have no idea," I say. "I guess it's hormones. I just feel like I'm going to cry and I have absolutely no tolerance for the kids acting like... kids. I just want it to be quiet and for everyone to follow directions the first time and to not have to tell anyone to STOP IT! or to SIT DOWN AND FINISH EATING. Basically I want to relinquish my Mom Duties for a while."

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See that cat, he's jumping for joy - in spite of early-morning stressors...

I thought for sure I was going to be late.

I got in my car at 7:20 - I'd have enough time to make it into Providence for my 8:00 appointment with the doc - with time to spare. But there was traffic. A lot of it.

I was fairly certain my blood pressure would be through the roof when I finally arrived at the doctor's office 5 minutes late. (READ MORE)

"It’s classic OCD," the therapist said.

I wish I could blame diabetes for this, but I don’t think I can. While diabetes didn’t cause Charlie to have OCD, it did provide him with something to be obsessively compulsive about. The thought that his blood sugar could go dangerously low at any time provides the anxiety which triggers the compulsion to test his blood sugar all day long.

He’s showing other behaviors associated with OCD, but it's probably best that I keep those private.

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Been having weird dreams... Guess I'm a little anxious about the endo tomorrow... So in honor of odd dreams and anxiety:

Twas the night before my endo appointment, when all through the place
Not a meter was stirring, had my pump at my waist
My gym clothes were tucked in my backpack with care,
And I hoped that my work would show on the scale.

And I was nestled all snug in my bed,
While visions of low A1Cs danced in my head.
And me in my 'kerchief, and Bob in his cap,
Had just settled our brains for an early fall nap.

When in a weird dream there arose such a clatter,
The doctor he told me everything was the matter.
He said that my A1C had risen so fast,
And my weight was through the roof, I was simply aghast.

The moon it showed down as I tossed to and fro
The bad news continued from my dreamland endo.
When, what to my sleeping brain did appear
But a 400 plus cholesterol number, and my control-loss so clear. (READ MORE)