In one of my high school English classes, we had to read Samuel Beckett's play of this name. Thirty-some-odd years later, I don't remember the details, only that it centered around two men who seemed to be relatively old, penniless, and alone. They met at a particular spot each day, left each evening, and could only remember one day past and think towards one day forward. They awaited a third character, the eponymously named "Godot", who never arrived. The style was considered existentialist in that there wasn't all that much character development: what you saw was what you got. While I never read the French original, in English, "Godot" seemed a thinly-veiled metaphor for "G-d" — and since old, penniless (and possibly homeless) folk have always had the shortest from-this-point life expectancy, it made sense — at least on one level — that these two characters were waiting to die.

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Last week, a rabbi I follow on Twitter mentioned that she was beginning to work on her sermons for the Jewish High Holy Days. A bit off-the-cuff, I threw out the topic of "G-d forgiveness, versus self-forgiveness, versus forgiving one's fellow man". While the first of these sits squarely within the framework of religion, the other two often sit at the same table as the many theories of diabetes management. Especially where caregivers, and type 2 diabetes, are concerned.

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It's soft like velvet, it's sweet and buttery and melty, it's just a touch crisp on the outside, and salty. And after dipping a Wetzel's Pretzel into cream cheese I feel as if I've died and gone to heaven.

OK, not really, but Wetzel's Pretzels are one of those foods that I hate to love. I crave bread and have since forever. I also crave textures. Yes, really. There are times when I want something smooth like yogurt, or something thin like water, or something heavy like ice cream. So yeah, I crave textures.

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Sometimes all it takes is a swift kick in the ass.

Late last week I emailed several of my friends who also have diabetes with this problem: I'm spking high and low after nearly every meal. I can't seem to even have a NutriGrain anymore without issues.

They all agreed that my situation sucked. Maybe increase your basals, they suggested. Maybe it's time to switch insulins, they said. Have you stopped exercising, they wondered. Are you, you know, eating right, they questioned.

While my eating habits are not the greatest, I assured them, these crazy spikes were happening even when I was eating by the book. These blood sugar spikes were insane: the line on Dex looked like a capital W. 

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Ugh.

That is the perfect one word description of my diabetes management these days.  I am off the rails.  I am not on track.  I am completely (or so it seems) - out of control.  I see highs, I see lows, I see some in-range sugars - but mostly - not. 

Today, for example.  68 mg/dl this morning.  No breakfast, because I was too busy, just some Fuse Banana Colada juice.  119 mg/dl at around noon time.  Salad.  No test until 4pm.  4pm.  And I've tested two times today.  Then I'm 200 mg/dl...  So what do I do?  I have a carb heavy dinner and some ice cream.  I am 236 mg/dl at 6:30 pm.  I am 175 mg/dl now.  Terrible.  Terrible.  Terrible.  And not rare these days.

I haven't been to the gym at all this week.  Work activities.  Home searches...  Other stuff that's - distracting. 

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One of the most frustrating aspects of diabetes management is the fact that diabetes has a mind of its own. At any given moment, your body can do the strangest things that you have no control over. Stress, hormones or the weather can have a huge impact on blood sugars and insulin levels. And it's the worst when it's completely unexpected.

Every so often I have weeks where I run higher than normal. I've never found a correlation to one specific trigger, but usually I notice it's when multiple triggers seem to go off at the same time. Whether it be a combination of increased stress and decreased sleep or change in hormones and a change in exercise or maybe even all four, I run high for a few days. (READ MORE)