Wednesday I was stuck on nursery rhymes. Thursday, it was fairly tales. Reading the Wikipedia entry on Red Riding Hood, I followed the link to an entry on something I'd never heard of before: liminality. While Wikipedia has not nearly evolved into something rigorous enough to be considered a sole source for research, sometimes a new word or concept can shift something known and comfortable into an entirely different perspective; this is what that definition did for me.

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Diabetes gets old.

Pricking my finger, taking insulin, filling my pump, going to the doctors, counting carbs, and all the rest of the stuff we have to do to manage this stupid disease gets old. Fast!

So with that Diabetes Burnout happens.

I know for myself I get burned out every few months. I just get to that point where I want to give up and take a little vacation from it all. Not necessarily throwing in the towel or forgetting all about it, since we all know where that will lead, but maybe a few less tests or not worrying so much for a particular day. (READ MORE)

curious_spider

The past four days have been a real pain. I have no idea what my problem is, but I just can't seem to get my diabetes right. I had been going fine, doing everything correctly, testing like a mad woman, and getting great averages.

But something got a hold of me on Sunday night and hasn't let me go. I'm checking a lot still, but I'm seeing numbers like 180 or 220 instead of 100 or 120. I'm eating anything and everything I want. I'm not bolusing for snacks. I'm not calculating boluses correctly. Basically, I'm just slacking.

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Yesterday, George talked about not caring. Burnout is something I think we all go through in all parts of our lives, but perhaps especially when it comes to diabetes.

I can't think of another chronic illness where the victim is in almost complete control. What I mean is that in theory, if a person with diabetes does everything "right" then everything should be OK. I'll even go out on a limb and say that people addicted to alcohol or drugs don't have as much control over their disease as people with diabetes are lead to believe they have.

High post-prandial numbers? It's your fault.

High A1C? It's your fault.

Meds not working? It's your fault.

Complications? It must be your fault.

In contrast--in-range post prandials, an A1C lower than 7 and 20 years complication free equal a high-five and "Great job!" (READ MORE)

I am feeling a bit discouraged and overwhelmed today. Just a week ago I was high on getting my exercise in and then wham, I let it stop being top priority and it fell away.

I wish I could just wake up and eat what I like, not eat if I like, pretty much I'd like to do whatever I darn well please. I feel so much pressure. Pressure to eat right for the baby, eat right for the diabetes and weight thing, exercise, test at regular times, eat at regular times, log my eating, try to get enough sleep, write enough posts for here, etc., etc. I'd love to give up some sleep to get some things done, but that just messes with everything else I'm trying to do. (READ MORE)

Some days I'm fed up with this whole diabetes thing-testing, tracking, meal planning. I know, being pregnant and all, tight control more important than ever, but frankly, I'm just tired of it! So, please pardon my little pity party while I rattle off a few things I hate about being a pregnant diabetic.

Constantly testing. I know it's important. I've learned not freak out if the numbers aren't where I want, but to simply take the information and make adjustments as needed. It's the act of watching the clock for the two-hour mark, never leaving the house without my meter, notebook and insulin pen, and pricking my damn finger close to 10 times a day, although most of the time, I just use my arm. I know it's not as accurate, but it's less pain and less mess. (READ MORE)