jaylopez

I love music.

Ever since I was a little kid I could sing and dance to every song on the Earth, Wind, and Fire greatest hits record. I would dance whenever Sir Duke by Stevie Wonder was played even if it was a jukebox in a crowded restaurant. And no matter the time of night, when Barney Miller’s theme song started my mother said I would come running from my room in my PJ’s to dance to the song in front of the TV.

I love playing it, listening to it, and even writing it sometimes. When I was a kid I played the trumpet. In Junior High learned percussion which I played throughout high school and in my 20’s I learned to play guitar. Lots of music always playing around my home and car. I love it.

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This is not the post I planned to write this morning.

Having a nearly one-hour commute (everyone flees the city in the summer, so traffic is much, much lighter) often gives me a lot of time to think. This morning I thought about what a crappy mood I had been in on Sunday and that it had carried over to this morning.

I tried to blame it on the kids: a four-day weekend trying to keep the kids entertained and not arguing and generally not getting on my nerves is exhausting.

I tried to blame it on AF: though she has left the building.

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Last week was a tough one for me. I was starting to feel really depressed. I know it comes with the D-territory but I cannot stand to feel that way for long. All the comments I received were huge and helped a lot. Luckily, I had a really fantastic weekend that lifted my spirits too and moved me out of the depressed zone I was in.

But something that I do not think has ever happened to me, happened last night. I had a diabetes nightmare and it really scared me. (READ MORE)

Diabetes is a unique disease in many ways.

One way that I never really realized until recently is the guilt it places on the patient.

With other diseases, your doctor is in control of everything. Your medicine, how often you take it, and how much. But with Diabetes, the patient is the one who has to manage it. So when there is a problem, the patient gets blamed.

But is that fair? Sure, I know that I decide if I am going to take my insulin on time, or bolus correctly. I am the one who either chooses to exercise or not and eat healthy foods or not. Those are up to me.

But, tell me this, who is to blame when I take my insulin correctly, exercise, do everything right, and for no reason my blood sugar is 270?

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Tara Bartal

Each Saturday morning I head over to our local Weight Watchers office to weigh in and attend the meetings. The week was not good for yours truly. I gained and of course was not happy but what made it worse was my attitude all week and frankly for the last several weeks.

I am tired of counting. I feel like the Count on Sesame Street. "9! AH AH AH. 9 Points! AH AH AH! And 27 CARBS! AH AH AH!" (READ MORE)

Here it comes. The flood of tears that I couldn't hold back anymore. I could feel it way back in there but thought they would pass.

The Mr. calls and can hear the stress in my voice and I don't try to hide it.

"What's wrong," he wants to know.

"I have no idea," I say. "I guess it's hormones. I just feel like I'm going to cry and I have absolutely no tolerance for the kids acting like... kids. I just want it to be quiet and for everyone to follow directions the first time and to not have to tell anyone to STOP IT! or to SIT DOWN AND FINISH EATING. Basically I want to relinquish my Mom Duties for a while."

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