I received a comment on my post from yesterday that really struck a chord with me. The reader commented that their parents had died from diabetes and that they would die from it too.

When I read that I got choked up because honestly, I feel the same way.

Sure I plan on fighting the fight and checking my blood as often as I am supposed to. Of course I will continue to work on my A1C and losing weight. I am not giving up on life at all. But, in the back of my mind I “know” that diabetes is going to win in the end.

Will it be heart disease, kidney failure, or a stroke? Maybe something else. Who knows?

The fact is that with all the steps I take to live healthy the odds are against me. Diabetes has the upper hand which makes me sad and angry at the same time.

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There have been a couple of items in the news lately about type 2 diabetes and depression, stating that people who have type 2 are more prone to depression.

This, to me, is one of those duh articles. It makes sense that someone with a chronic disease would be more prone to depression. It's hard. Constantly thinking about food and dosing makes ME depressed sometimes - I can't imagine how it would be to have the disease.

I worry about this for Olivia. I suffer from depression and there's a good chance that she could inherit that tendency, too. I hope she doesn't, but the odds are there and they worry me.

It's not bad enough to have diabetes, to have the day-to-day drudgery of taking care of a chronic condition but to also have the threat of depression hanging over her seems unfair, like it's too much to ask of her.

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For 4 weeks I have avoided the world. I stopped blogging. Stopped logging. Stopped counting points. Just stopped.

What good did it do me? Lots actually when I look back. I realized that support and friends are an important part of my life and my diabetes management. I use the support and advice from my friends almost daily. When I read comments on blog posts I always find support and help from so many. It truly keeps me in line.

The other side of it is that I found that worrying does no good at all. I have spent this last month worrying about money which did absolutely no good. The only good that came about was that realization. Worry is a waste of time.

What is annoying is that I know this. I know that worry is nothing more then a stress creator and with that, a glucose "inflator." I need not add to the stress of my life worrying all the time.

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Dominic Morel

The last few weeks have been gloomy. I am not referring to the weather either since here in Los Angeles we had over 100°F temperatures over the weekend. No I am talking about my outlook and mood.

While reading through all of the posts I have been writing I notice a common theme. A sense of sad and gloom that is not typically me. Anyone who has ever met me would not consider me a "down" or depressing guy. I am usually the life of the party type who you can hardly get to sit still. (READ MORE)

straymuse

My view of diabetes changes with the tides it seems. Sometimes I look at it as a lifestyle that I must adopt to stay healthy. Sometimes I look at it as a challenge in which I can take on and beat. Other times I look at it as a curse.

Right now, I look at my diabetes as a battle. A battle that I don't want to fight. Not now.

The problem is all of the fighting will never stop. We just fight and fight and there is no winning. No matter how much I stay in control or how much exercise I do, I will still have diabetes. My a1c can be the same as someone without diabetes but my battle will continue. (READ MORE)

"I don't care."

That has been a familiar phrase from my lips lately. My wife asks me how many Weight Watchers points a particular meal is when we go out to dinner and I will respond with "I don't care." That probably explains why I have gained two pounds over the past two weeks. I just do not care.

And with that I have not really calculated my carbs. I have been loosely guessing and then making major corrections 2 hours later. I am still checking my BG. I am not guessing on that. But I just feel so uninterested in my life right now. I know that makes no sense especially since I am writing about it now.

I guess I am looking for advice although I do not feel I am in a place to accept or follow any of it. Maybe I want to hear, "I've been there and its okay." Maybe that will make me feel better. I don't know. (READ MORE)