It's my time...to rejuvenate my life.

November is always a crazy month for me. First, it's my birthday month. Second, it's also like 5 of my friends' birthday month. Third, it's Thanksgiving! Fourth, it's the busiest month in school as projects, papers, and exams take place all right before final exam season in December. Fifth, it's American Diabetes Month!

So here we are at the 2nd already...wasn't it just September last week? Sheesh...this year is flying by faster than I can even say it's flying by. I have lots of plans for American Diabetes Month. And I'm definitely excited to start checking some things off the list while exploring some new fun ideas.

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I have no idea why it didn't hit me until yesterday afternoon. I know what stress does to my blood sugars: it lowers them. They get pesky and no amount of carbs will bring them up. So as I was contemplating this weekends' low annoyances, it hit me. Stress.

Last week, my stress level definitely went up. The first round of tests started for the semester. I had group meetings and papers due. Plus I've been dealing with the medical stress that comes with changing treatments and making important decisions. All that added up to leave me with averages like 84 and 69 (over six hours of riding in the 60's).

So Saturday morning, I dropped the Lantus back to my original dose (14 units in the morning and 15 units in the evening). I'm still having a few lows (more than the week of highs), but I'm also seeing a mix of highs in there. Sadly, those highs are my own doing.

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Over the summer, I was working out quite a bit. I really wanted to set up habits, lose some weight, and just feel better about my body when the fall semester rolled around. And I did really well. I worked out three to four times a week, building my strength and endurance as I went along. Most importantly, I lost ten pounds and felt great about what my body was becoming again.

Towards the end of the summer, I started slacking off. I went on vacation, then came back for summer finals, then worked full time for two weeks...so I was running all over the place, but not getting any workouts in like normal. Thankfully, I was keeping busy and eating right well enough to not pack back on any pounds. But I didn't like the way it felt.

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Diabetes is a unique disease in many ways.

One way that I never really realized until recently is the guilt it places on the patient.

With other diseases, your doctor is in control of everything. Your medicine, how often you take it, and how much. But with Diabetes, the patient is the one who has to manage it. So when there is a problem, the patient gets blamed.

But is that fair? Sure, I know that I decide if I am going to take my insulin on time, or bolus correctly. I am the one who either chooses to exercise or not and eat healthy foods or not. Those are up to me.

But, tell me this, who is to blame when I take my insulin correctly, exercise, do everything right, and for no reason my blood sugar is 270?

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Did you ever have one of those days at work when you just couldn't make time for a break?  One of those days when you didn't stop to eat, drink, or go to the restroom?  One of those days when you were fully aware of the need to take a break, but you just couldn't stop for one?

Right about now, that's how life with diabetes is feeling for me. 

I just need a minute to breathe.  A minute to not think about this.  A minute wherein my mind isn't  consumed with my last inexplicable, frustrating number - or with the next test and the mystery and aggravation it could hold.  A minute to not think about the destruction this disease causes - the destruction that it is causing in me. 

And I know that I'm not going to get that minute. 

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Last Thursday was opening night for Godspell.

Our church has never done a musical before so being a part of it was special. I auditioned back in February and was hoping to get the John the Baptist role. In fact, I had been practicing that characters parts months before auditions.

My pastor (and director) felt that I should have another part. The lead. Jesus.

I was not excited at first. In fact, I was quite nervous and thought that I should be the LAST person to play Jesus. I am definitely not worthy but my pastor saw something I didn’t. (READ MORE)