Today I had a breakdown. Not the sobbing, woe is me kind. But the kick it to the curb, throw it out the window kind. I'm ready to kick my health to the curb...once and for awhile to get everything straightened out and stop stressing over hormones and supplements and money. So here's what I decided to do:

Since starting the bio-identical hormone treatment, I've seen great improvement in several areas. My fatigue is generally improved (unless I'm under high stress). My periods are less irregular. My joint and muscle pain is usually completely gone (had a few bumps while they moved things around). And a lot of the odds and ends of pain that struck my body at random moments vanished. Plus we all know that after starting these treatments I lost weight that wouldn't budge before then.

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My life is on a peg. It's hanging, waiting to be pulled off and move forward. But it's not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm waiting, so impatient and so anxious for the future, so annoyed by the past...I'm waiting to move forward and be myself, to stop hanging on this peg.

The past three years have been an incredible roller coaster of a journey in regards to my health. I've made so many changes, tried so many things. And at what cost?

Right now, I'm extremely impatient with the future of my skin and the future of pain. I have some major decisions to make in the next couple of months...decisions that I wish I could have made months ago. I'm waiting on the endometriosis diagnosis/surgery. And I'm waiting to decide on Accutane/birth control pills...extremely impatient about this one.

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Weaning off then completely stopping the progesterone has been interesting. I've definitely felt my old symptoms come back, like I mentioned last week. A drop in mood, fatigue, and some of the joint pain are the main issues. But there have also been positive changes.

Like the level of pre-period pelvic pain didn't start the usual two weeks out. Of course, my period could be another two weeks away since they are incredibly irregular. But so far, I've only had maybe 2 days of pelvic pain as opposed to a usual 5-10 days. If I could limit it without progesterone, the endometriosis surgery might completely clear whatever else is causing the pain. We'll have to wait to see about that one though.

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It's my time...to prioritize in my own way.

You may have noticed that diabetes hasn't been my first priority here lately. Not only is school speeding by faster than I can possibly keep up, my other health conditions are facing a lot of changes. Changes that I'm so ready for, but also not prepared for at the moment.

First, I'm starting birth control today after going off the progesterone almost two months ago. I'm hoping that the birth control will help with the premenstrual symptoms that I experience (like cramping, joint pain, headaches, and fatigue), without leaving lasting side effects (like weight gain, stroke, or pulmonary embolism). It took a lot to make the decision to go on it again, but I've made the decision and now I'm excited to see the results.

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