One of my recent posts highlighted how diabetes can blind side us on any given day. It doesn´t fit into the mold of life, especially MY mold of life. This has me wondering, "What is diabetes control?"

Some people in my life have questioned whether or not I am out of control as a diabetic. They wonder if I know as much as I seem to know or if I actually practice what I preach. They wonder how I can blog about numbers like 47, if I truly manage this disease.

My statements to them are always the same: everyone´s diabetes is different. Mine is complicated by other health conditions. I also have a history of lows; lows that sneak up on you and catch you unaware.

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Since I changed my endocrinilogist last year, I've really been happy with my experiences with Dr. K. She's the kind of doctor that means business but doesn't come off as if she's judging you. She tells you what she thinks, but leaves it up to you what to do. So usually, I'm fairly excited (yes, I said excited) about going to see her. Even when I know I've been doing 85% of things wrong.

This appointment didn't feel that way though. I just really didn't want to have to go. I've been making some changes and my averages are down. I didn't want to hear that I'd been doing this and this wrong, even if she does leave off the judgement. I just wasn't willing to expose all those mistakes to the light.

And I feel torn between wishing I would have canceled and being excited about the outcome.

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