Everything seems to be all over the place lately. Despite catching up on school work and actually de-stressing this week, my blood sugars are bouncing like rubber balls in an airplane bin. My averages are up, yet I'm having rashes of severe lows. And by severe, I don't mean symptoms. I mean numbers and hypoglycemic unawareness.

Like last Thursday night, I cooked chili for a friend. Ate a giant bowl with cornbread, bolused for what I expected was way too little, and went on my way. Only to feel an urge to test a few hours later. No symptoms, just something in my brain saying that I should bite the bullet to test. And that urging left me staring at a 37. How?

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Diabetes management is really getting under my skin lately. I'm just so exhausted with it all. I never can seem to find a balance. I take one step forward then seem to take three hundred steps backwards. I know that it's all perspective and my control isn't bad, but it just feels like all the work I do has no payoff. But do I need to keep in mind that the pay-off may be 40 or 50 years from now?

If that's the case, I'm not so sure I want to make it. It isn't that I'm burnt out (and gee, don't think I'm suicidal). I'm just stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. Sadly, it seems like I've been stuck there for quite some time.

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I think one of the things I hate most about my diabetes is that I never seem to follow any patterns. It seems like other people have these stable highs and lows, where it's so much easier to adjust basals or carb intake. But me...my body has a freaking mind of its own!

Before bed last night, my blood sugar was at 159. For me, I'm very comfortable with that number right before bed. It says that I won't wake up too high, but I probably won't drop in the middle of the night either. But I'd just jumped from 103 to 159 after a post-low snack (you know, the snack you eat after you've had the juice about an hour before). So I decided to bolus anyway.

About 4:30am, I woke up with a panic in my gut and a clammy feeling washing over my skin. The CGMS beeped at me LOW! I know! I tested. Sure enough, 60. I treated with 15 grams of orange juice and about 15 grams in graham crackers. Then I went back to sleep. (READ MORE)