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Both of my doctors, my endocrinologist and the doctor in charge of my bio-identical treatment, have sent disability status letters for me. It actually took very little effort, despite the initial feedback from the nurses in the beginning. I'm happy to get these out of the way and go forward with the process. I'll also be writing my own letter to support my case with a personal note.

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My classes are all over the place this semester. Since I'm down to the final semesters, I don't have much left that I can take outside of my university or online. Plus I'm trying to leave the option to study abroad next semester, which means taking quite a few hardcore classes all at the same time.

I haven't done that since my first year here. After that, I managed to take at least one class online so I could better manage my fatigue. This semester, I wasn't so lucky. But you have to do what you have to do, right?

So far, I'm feeling okay. Just a little extra stress (headaches, sore muscles) from all the emotional things I'm going through right now. The fatigue hasn't set in...and I'm hoping that I can somehow ward it off this semester. But I am fighting against the balance of class and diabetes.

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As I looked at my averages last night in preparation for my Friday endo check-up, I couldn't help but complain to myself that there is no pattern. Every day is different, often drastically so. I can't find any constant area. There aren't variables causing these random shifts, at least not to the naked eye.

First, there's my morning blood sugars. Sometimes I wake up low even after a bedtime snack with no bolus. And sometimes I wake up in the 200 or 300 range with no apparent cause. Because of my history of seizures and severe lows, I lean towards the lows though. At this point in my life, I'd rather wake up 300 occasionally instead of trying to raise my insulin to counteract those highs.

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It's my time...to rejuvenate my life.

November is always a crazy month for me. First, it's my birthday month. Second, it's also like 5 of my friends' birthday month. Third, it's Thanksgiving! Fourth, it's the busiest month in school as projects, papers, and exams take place all right before final exam season in December. Fifth, it's American Diabetes Month!

So here we are at the 2nd already...wasn't it just September last week? Sheesh...this year is flying by faster than I can even say it's flying by. I have lots of plans for American Diabetes Month. And I'm definitely excited to start checking some things off the list while exploring some new fun ideas.

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My averages for the past two weeks were quite amazing. My only highs were generally after breakfast (still). Unfortunately, I had quite a few lows in there. But I have to say that working full time seems to keep my blood sugars at a more stable rate (even though I was moving boxes 70% of the time). And unfortunately, I think quite a few of the lows and falling averages were from stress.

Stress seems to work backwards on me. When I'm nervous, I drop like a rock. When I'm upset, I tend to average out at a lower level. I don't see a lot of highs when I'm under the pressure.

And lately, I've been extremely stressed. To the point that I'm getting ulcers in my mouth (a common occurrence for me during stressful times). I have so much going on in my life right now.

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In one of my high school English classes, we had to read Samuel Beckett's play of this name. Thirty-some-odd years later, I don't remember the details, only that it centered around two men who seemed to be relatively old, penniless, and alone. They met at a particular spot each day, left each evening, and could only remember one day past and think towards one day forward. They awaited a third character, the eponymously named "Godot", who never arrived. The style was considered existentialist in that there wasn't all that much character development: what you saw was what you got. While I never read the French original, in English, "Godot" seemed a thinly-veiled metaphor for "G-d" — and since old, penniless (and possibly homeless) folk have always had the shortest from-this-point life expectancy, it made sense — at least on one level — that these two characters were waiting to die.

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