happysnappr

I really don't like going to the doctor. The endocrinologist to be specific. Every time I go, I just seem to leave disappointed. Sometimes it's less disappointment than others. Sometimes I'm just so angry at myself and at this disease. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I get mad at the doctor (because OF COURSE, it's HIS fault I'm diabetic!). But mostly, the doctor just makes me feel alone in what I feel.

Today I had an endo appointment (if you didn't already guess). My last A1c was 6.9, my lowest ever. I was absolutely thrilled at that number, yet the perfectionist in me still wanted lower. And I honestly tried for lower (less in the last month or so though). But life got in the way.

  (READ MORE)

Liedholdt

Anxious. Pissed off. Relieved. Lots of things.

This writing subject was a challenge issued by Kerri. It's certainly better than her last challenge. None of us wanted to eat a goat's heart at last year's Blogabetes retreat in Jacksonville. Poor little guy was still alive! But, that's just the way Kerri rolls.

And then there was the trust-building exercise in which you must fall back and trust that your partner will catch you. I don't want to mention any names (Kim Doty), but some people just can't be trusted.

Charlie's next A1c result will bring mixed emotions. I expect it will be his lowest A1c ever. This should make me happy, right?

  (READ MORE)

So I got my A1c results yesterday. I'm neither happy nor sad. I suppose I'm content, but still slightly frustrated. It's a 7.4% this time around. In September it was 7.3% (my doctor apparently read me the wrong results at my office visit...yet another reason to switch!). So there's only a 0.1% increase over the holidays and break and some sticky moments.

A 7.4% A1c comes to a 166 mg/dl average, roughly. My thirty-one day average on my pump is at 160 right now. So I'm happy about the fact that my results are coinciding. It's one less thing to worry about (is my pump broken?, is my meter accurate?, are my post-prandials off the chart when I don't check?)...all those thoughts can now leave the building.

I am sad to see it go up from last time, but I was expecting much worse (at least a 7.6%) so that part is exciting. I never want to go up, even if it's by a small percentage. Down is so much better in this arena! (READ MORE)

On my drive home I heard my cell phone ring. My headset was not on so I grabbed it and turned it on. I missed the call and waited to here the notification of voice mail.

When I heard the familiar "beep" I called my voice mail only to hear my doctors nurse on the line.

"Mr. Simmons this is Dr. Mendez' nurse and I am calling with the results of your blood work. Please call me back here at the office."

I know the number to my doctors office by heart but for whatever reason it is not in my address book. This is sort of a side note but I used the voice dialing feature and it worked perfectly. I don't know why I was so surprised but my phone called the  number the first time I said it.

When the nurse finally got on the phone she said, "The results for your test came back elevated."

  (READ MORE)

k. james

The waiting room in endocrinology was like an assembly line of children with diabetes. Each time one child went in, another appeared. Then another and another and another. Very sad.

I zoomed in on a cute little girl with shoulder-length hair and a top with purple and red hearts as she buried her face into her father's shirt as he talked to the receptionist. Maybe just diagnosed? Don't know for sure. She had a sort of worry that should never be on a child's face.

I leaned over to Susanne to point out the girl, but she said "I know." 

  (READ MORE)

We have Charlie's endocrinology appointment tomorrow. In his last two visits, we've seen a minor decline in his A1c. From 8.1 to 7.9 and then from 7.9 to 7.8. Unfortunately, I think the downward streak ends there. I'm anticipating an A1c back in the low to mid 8s.

Hopefully I'm wrong. When looking back at Charlie's blood sugar control over the last three months, the high times are the ones that stick in my brain and give me an unsettled feeling. Charlie had a two-week period of terribly high blood sugars. Although it was just two weeks, it feels as if it has tarnished the whole three-month period that the A1c will review. The two weeks of troublesome highs feels like an eternity. I want to hit a re-set button and just start over. Start over when things are better. When he's not having crazy growth-spurt highs or crazy virus highs or crazy full moon highs.

  (READ MORE)