Since I changed my endocrinilogist last year, I've really been happy with my experiences with Dr. K. She's the kind of doctor that means business but doesn't come off as if she's judging you. She tells you what she thinks, but leaves it up to you what to do. So usually, I'm fairly excited (yes, I said excited) about going to see her. Even when I know I've been doing 85% of things wrong.

This appointment didn't feel that way though. I just really didn't want to have to go. I've been making some changes and my averages are down. I didn't want to hear that I'd been doing this and this wrong, even if she does leave off the judgement. I just wasn't willing to expose all those mistakes to the light.

And I feel torn between wishing I would have canceled and being excited about the outcome.

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Liedholdt

Anxious. Pissed off. Relieved. Lots of things.

This writing subject was a challenge issued by Kerri. It's certainly better than her last challenge. None of us wanted to eat a goat's heart at last year's Blogabetes retreat in Jacksonville. Poor little guy was still alive! But, that's just the way Kerri rolls.

And then there was the trust-building exercise in which you must fall back and trust that your partner will catch you. I don't want to mention any names (Kim Doty), but some people just can't be trusted.

Charlie's next A1c result will bring mixed emotions. I expect it will be his lowest A1c ever. This should make me happy, right?

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Friday's endo appointment was a solo affair. Susanne stayed home with my little one who had suddenly come down with a fever. I don't like going solo. I like having Susanne there with me for these visits. We're a good team. We help finish each other's sentences. Also, you never know if an endo or a CDE is going to get a little nutty with the accusatory tones, etc. so, it's nice to know someone's got your back.

And if a knife fight broke out, I'd want Susanne there so that I could hide behind her.

The ride into Philadelphia went as usual. I got really lost, got stuck in awful traffic and made it to our appointment about an hour late. It doesn't take much for me to get lost in Philadelphia. I still don't know the city very well. This time, a detour did me in. I gave Charlie my camera and he documented the car ride. (READ MORE)

So I got my A1c results yesterday. I'm neither happy nor sad. I suppose I'm content, but still slightly frustrated. It's a 7.4% this time around. In September it was 7.3% (my doctor apparently read me the wrong results at my office visit...yet another reason to switch!). So there's only a 0.1% increase over the holidays and break and some sticky moments.

A 7.4% A1c comes to a 166 mg/dl average, roughly. My thirty-one day average on my pump is at 160 right now. So I'm happy about the fact that my results are coinciding. It's one less thing to worry about (is my pump broken?, is my meter accurate?, are my post-prandials off the chart when I don't check?)...all those thoughts can now leave the building.

I am sad to see it go up from last time, but I was expecting much worse (at least a 7.6%) so that part is exciting. I never want to go up, even if it's by a small percentage. Down is so much better in this arena! (READ MORE)

We have Charlie's endocrinology appointment tomorrow. In his last two visits, we've seen a minor decline in his A1c. From 8.1 to 7.9 and then from 7.9 to 7.8. Unfortunately, I think the downward streak ends there. I'm anticipating an A1c back in the low to mid 8s.

Hopefully I'm wrong. When looking back at Charlie's blood sugar control over the last three months, the high times are the ones that stick in my brain and give me an unsettled feeling. Charlie had a two-week period of terribly high blood sugars. Although it was just two weeks, it feels as if it has tarnished the whole three-month period that the A1c will review. The two weeks of troublesome highs feels like an eternity. I want to hit a re-set button and just start over. Start over when things are better. When he's not having crazy growth-spurt highs or crazy virus highs or crazy full moon highs.

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On my drive home I heard my cell phone ring. My headset was not on so I grabbed it and turned it on. I missed the call and waited to here the notification of voice mail.

When I heard the familiar "beep" I called my voice mail only to hear my doctors nurse on the line.

"Mr. Simmons this is Dr. Mendez' nurse and I am calling with the results of your blood work. Please call me back here at the office."

I know the number to my doctors office by heart but for whatever reason it is not in my address book. This is sort of a side note but I used the voice dialing feature and it worked perfectly. I don't know why I was so surprised but my phone called the  number the first time I said it.

When the nurse finally got on the phone she said, "The results for your test came back elevated."

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