It's my time...to change my habits.

Numbers have been consuming my life in the past two weeks. Every time I turn around, a number pops up that leaves me feeling out of sync, exhausted, and completely burnt out. Averages like 241 or even 301 are consuming my logbook. Seeing numbers below 170 are a rare occurrence, with most riding in the upper 200 and 300 range.

The other side of the numbers is the insulin levels. I've raised my Lantus to 32 units in the evening now. And from that, I've had my first low in a week (and it was only a 72 after not eating for quite some time). I've also almost doubled my Humalog, which seems to be the biggest deterrent to those pesky 300's that I was seeing so regularly.

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I've lost 16 pounds in the past 7 months or so. The bulk of it was lost over the summer when I was working out on average four times a week. And the last few pounds slid off within the first month of school, with the increase in activity on a daily basis and the lack of frequent calorie consumption.

My clothes are baggy now. I have jeans from high school that I'm still squeezing into though, so I'm determined to lose a little bit more weight. My body feels better, looking in the mirror is much more appealing these days than it has been in the past. And I'm proud of myself for working so hard to make this happen.

So when I showed my mom a pair of pants that have about three inches to spare around the waist, her response threw me. "That's really great!" But it was followed with "Are you sure you're not losing weight because you're running high?"

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It's about once a week now that my college sends out an important "Flu" reminder. Wash your hands, stay at home if you experience symptoms, and seek treatment immediately for the more severe. We've had several reports of swine flu, including some students in my friends' classes. And more and more of my friends are coming down with colds and "flu-like symptoms."

For me, every reminder and every swine flu diagnosis sends a tiny shock-wave through my system. I know that my immune system isn't that of a healthy, non-diabetic. It has its weak spots, its vulnerabilities. Especially lately with all these highs and crazy numbers.

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Lindsey Guerin

After the picnic last night, I was extremely tired. It'd been an incredibly long week, we'd just played all kinds of games, and to top it off my blood sugar was low. So I ate some fruit and mixed nuts hoping I wouldn't have to eat anything heavier right before crashing into my bed. But my blood sugar wouldn't come up, it seemed to only be dropping. I drank juice and ate crackers, intently watching the CGMS to tell me when it was rising.

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Last week, I spent several days in Mexico on vacation and on a business trip. With the extra carbs and the change in normal routine, my averages went from the 140's to the high 150's. I had one or two severe lows and a handful of minor lows. I also had one day where my pump site went sour and sent me soaring into the 300's for several hours.

Coming back from Mexico has been interesting on my blood sugars. I've had a few lows, of course. But at the same time, I've decided not to try so hard to keep my numbers down. I'm not completely blowing it, but I'm just not stressing myself out over highs and off numbers.

So Monday night, I decided to order a pizza while working on a research paper. It was nice to eat the pizza, do a fairly normal bolus, but not stress about what my blood sugar might be in the next 12 hours. I didn't even freak out when I saw consistent 200's on my meter screen.

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DeathByBokeh on Flickr

I spent the night at my mom's house on Saturday night so we could spend the day with the family. Before I left my apartment to head to her house, my pump alarmed "Low Reservoir." I threw some half empty bottles of insulin and the inserter into my overnight bag and set out the door to make the 1.5 hour drive.

My blood sugar had been rocky all day long. I'd forgotten to check my blood sugar before breakfast in a rush out the door that morning. About two hours after I'd bolused for breakfast, I clocked in at 201. I was fuzzy and tired.

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