I have two eyes. 

I have ten fingers. 

I have two legs.  And two thighs. 

I have one insulin pump.   

I have about fifteen blood glucose meters.  

When I was a little kid, my mother used to tell my brothers and me to stop counting.  What she meant was to stop looking at how many cookies someone else got, or how many toys someone else had, or how much money someone else got in their allowance - and comparing it to what we had.  She would say "when you count what others have, and compare, it's easy to forget what YOU DO have."  

Sound advice.

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I have not had good blood sugar the last four days. Watching the little blips on Dex go crazy high and then plummet below my "low" mark has been nerve wracking to say the least.

What did I eat? Did I not exercise enough? Did I overdo my exercise? Am I stressed? Is it hormones? Is my meter calibrated right? Did I calibrate Dex right? What did I eat? Did I forget to bolus? Did I miscalculate carbs?

What did *I* do?

The last four days I blamed myself for my roller coaster blood sugars. They were horrible, really. Highs so high and not responding to insulin. And then when those highs finally started coming down I felt comfortable enough to eat and my sugar would shoot back up. I think Dex woke me up most of those four nights.

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November is always a crazy month for me. First, it's my birthday month. Second, it's also like 5 of my friends' birthday month. Third, it's Thanksgiving! Fourth, it's the busiest month in school as projects, papers, and exams take place all right before final exam season in December. Fifth, it's American Diabetes Month!

So here we are at the 2nd already...wasn't it just September last week? Sheesh...this year is flying by faster than I can even say it's flying by. I have lots of plans for American Diabetes Month. And I'm definitely excited to start checking some things off the list while exploring some new fun ideas.

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In today's environment of cheap-to-the-patient pills that can cure almost anything from a hangnail to cancer, it's sometimes difficult to make significant and often-difficult lifestyle changes on account of a disease or a medical condition. Rarely is this more evident than in the public appearance of Type 2 diabetes.

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I went shopping last night for just one new outfit and for the first time in a very long time I tried not to be so hard on myself about the way I look.
 

I’ve been heavy for a long time. I remember my mom helping me try to lose weight when I was in sixth grade. I think I lost 13 lb. and was beside myself with excitement.
 

I can’t ever remember a time when I was happy with the way my body looks. Though when I look back now at pictures of myself in college I realize that I wasn’t as heavy as I thought I was, didn’t look as undesirable as I thought I was.
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The lowest A1C I ever had was 5.9. I've been striving to get back there for years. My highest: 9. I continue to strive not to get back there ever again. And yet I can't seem to get below 6.8 and when I do get there I don't stay there for long.

At my last endo appointment I asked K if they were going to do an A1C. I was sorely disappointed when she said that since it hadn't been three months since my last one that my insurance likely wouldn't cover it and that the out of pocket cost was about $50.

"I don't think it's worth it," she said.

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