2 weeks ago

I could hear the laughter from the comedy club in the distance, echoing through the basement corridors. The comedian’s muffled words reverberated from his microphone and the crowd roared in response. I could hear the dampened jokes as if they were being delivered from the other end of a tunnel, but for the life of me, I couldn’t find the comedy club. I felt like I was walking around in circles for hours and I hadn’t seen a soul.

Finally, an elevator opened up. I attempted to step in but people were packed in like sardines. There was no room for me.

Odd dream.

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Après moi, le déluge.

In Genesis Chapter 9, G-d commands Noach to build a watertight vessel and to stock it with all species of life known to man. Following this interchange, the earth was subjected to forty days and forty nights of rain, sufficient to wash all living things -- except for those ensconced in the ark -- from the earth.

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It's my Spring Break. Nine days of no school. The last one of my college career.

Usually this time of year, my mom and I are on a Mexican beach sipping strawberry daiquiris and dreaming of a permanent vacation from everything. That time spent away is necessary for both of us. She needs the break from work to rejuvenate. And I need the break from all this life to avoid a major breakdown.

This year, we're spending our vacation time and effort on the European graduation trip though. So my Spring Break is spent here at home. Don't get me wrong. I'm extremely grateful to both my parents for the Europe trip. I'm ecstatic that I'm spending 10 days touring Rome and seeing the islands of the Mediterranean.

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Once a year my company offers health screenings -- free -- and an incentive (such as a gift card) for taking the health screening. I think it's a great idea for companies to do this because there are plenty of stories about people who don't go to the doctor enough and then go through a health screening at work and discover that they have diabetes or high cholesterol or that they're this close to having a heart attack.

That's great. But I don't participate mainly because I already know what's going on with me. I see my OB once a year, I see my primary once a year, and I see my endo every three months complete with blood work. There is nothing that a health screening can tell me that I don't already know. In fact, it would likely do nothing more than piss me off because someone with little knowledge of diabetes would be telling me that I test too much or questioning the validity of a CGM.

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It feels like every time I turn around, someone else wants to know what I plan to do with the rest of my life. Or at least what my post-graduation plans are. "So what are you going to do?" "Where have you applied?" "Where will you go?"

I hate those questions. I always have. I don't want to pick. I don't want to settle down yet. I have worked my butt off for the past three and a half years. Getting this degree is the only thing on my mind right now. After that, I have no idea!

There's a lot on my mind that I'd love to do. Teach English abroad, be a travel columnist, work for a non-profit, be a criminal profiler, raise Siberian Huskies. The list is really endless. (Apparently, this means I'm a "scanner" according to Barbara Sher. Hmm.)

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Whatever it was, it's gone now. But for the last four days I've wondered everything from a bad site to bad insulin to hormones to a virus and everything in between.

It started overnight Wednesday (I think) when i was in the upper 300s for no reason. I went over dinner in my head over and over to make sure I hadn't missed anything. While I had had mostly good numbers with that site, I considered that it had gone bad or that I was beginning to need to change my sites more often.

But after changing my site on Thursday I continued to have horrible blood sugars, and was certain I had a bad site. With my recent experience with worn out sites  -- shooting up the second I start eating something, spiking high and low -- I thought I might have gotten an old site.

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