I'm having a bit of an exercise rut.  I had, for awhile, been heading to the gym at least 3 times a week, sometimes 4.  I would box, or run and then follow with push ups, sit ups, crunches and some light work for arms and legs.  But for the past 3 or 4 weeks, I've just been unable to force myself to go.  There have been nights where I have literally driven to the gym and just sat outside, watching other people's exertion steam up the windows.  Ashamed of myself, seeing nothing in the fog but disappointment in my own inability to get moving. 

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I asked Charlie if he wanted to write another blog post for Blogabetes.

"Neh," he said. "I'm out of material."

He unraveled a long strand of red and white bakers twine from a large, round roll and carefully laid it out along the kitchen counter.

"Nothing?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said.

"Yeah, me too," I said. "I'm out of material."

Charlie eyeballed about three feet and snipped the twine with scissors.

"You have anything for me to write?" I asked. "Any diabetes news?"

He answered immediately, never taking his eyes off the twine as he tested its pull and elasticity; dangling it as if operating a marionette.

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Having decided to revamp my skincare regiment, I headed to the mall today to purchase some things from Lush and the Lancome counter.  I spent too much, but I've got these mysterious little bumps coming up on my left cheek that appear to be blocked pores and I want to be rid of them.  Using a great face mask, sea salt exfoliant, cream cleanser and a clarifying toner.  I already have the greatest moisturizer.  So I'm hoping I'll get rid of the bumps.

Of course, this is all beside the point.  I was at the mall.  That's where I was.

And in Lush, that's where I saw her.  A teenage girl, very pretty.  She was standing at the side of the counter, doing her best to be quietly invisible, as her friends shopped about.  I saw her though, hands working quickly, a meter in them.  She crinkled her nose as the result came up and a friend of hers called out "Hey, you OK, Carly?"  

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I left work early today.  I never ever do that. 

But 3 hours into my day, I felt just plain awful.  Headachey, exhausted awful.  I was running a temperature too - right around 100 degrees - which is even higher for me than a normal person because my temp typically runs in the high 96s/low 97s.  So I left work and came home.  And I went to bed at noon.  I slept for 11 hours.  I can't remember the last time I did that. 

Now, I'm awake, but I don't think for long.  I'm exhausted still and heading back to bed in a short while.  

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Today, the first Friday of February, is national "Wear Red" day in honor (or observance) of Women's Heart Health Awareness, as spearheaded by the "Go Red for Women" campaign. So of course I will be wearing red to work and I've been handing out Red Dress pins.

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I was talking with my mom last night.  A nice conversation, really.  We had spent a fun day on Saturday with Curtis' mom and we were chatting about how much fun it was.  She mentioned that she thought I was looking a little too thin and asked what I've been eating.  Not one to lie to my mom, I said, I guess not all that much, I'm not a big eater.  That's the truth, my calorie consumption these days usually stays under 1,200 or so.  I eat well, fruit, veggies, lean protein, some rice.  But I'm just not that hungry most of the time, and I don't eat if I'm not hungry. 

Anyway, I told my mother "don't worry, I'm OK..." 

Her return was, "You're still mine, you belong to me, you're my little girl."  

She was quick to amend part of the statement, "Well, you don't really belong to me, I guess."  

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