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"Mom, I've been peeing a lot today. Prolly five times since we got home," No. 1 says to me as I'm lying on the bed counting the seconds until the kids go to bed. Yes, it's been a stressful, well, five days, and I can't wait to go back to work. But I digress.
No. 1 has been "complaining" quite a bit lately about his need to frequently see a man about a horse. He doesn't know that those comments make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. My head goes right to worst-case scenario, although reality does tell me that he has no obvious symptoms on the diabetes checklist.
Sure, he's going potty more often than he thinks he should, but he's not drinking obsessively, he's not overly tired (usually beats me out of bed in the morning, in fact), doesn't have an insatiable hunger, nada.
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Friday morning, I packed up my bags to head to the lake for the weekend. I had a long drive ahead of me, so I made sure to bring extra juice, keep my meter handy, and lots of water. I stopped for lunch on the way.
I checked my blood sugar. 264 (up from 102 at breakfast). Unexpected, considering all I had for breakfast was water and eggs. Nothing that should send my blood sugar spiraling. So I bolused for the blood sugar, bolused for lunch, and enjoyed my quick meal before hitting the Texas highway.
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As everyone knows by now, my blood sugars have been elevated lately. Since about last Tuesday, my averages suddenly shot up into the 200s when usually I average 140s. All last week I was scared to make any changes just because I couldn't figure out why I was running so high. It's always my luck the day I increase basals that my blood sugars will drop back down and I'll end up with horrible lows. So I just kept blousing and tried to really watch what I ate to keep my levels down. Nothing worked.
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One of the most frustrating aspects of diabetes management is the fact that diabetes has a mind of its own. At any given moment, your body can do the strangest things that you have no control over. Stress, hormones or the weather can have a huge impact on blood sugars and insulin levels. And it's the worst when it's completely unexpected.
Every so often I have weeks where I run higher than normal. I've never found a correlation to one specific trigger, but usually I notice it's when multiple triggers seem to go off at the same time. Whether it be a combination of increased stress and decreased sleep or change in hormones and a change in exercise or maybe even all four, I run high for a few days.
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Today was not an ideal day diabetes-wise. With a 261 mg/dl in the middle of the night, a 39 mg/dl upon waking and three completely unexplained bloodsugars higher than 340 mg/dl this afternoon, diabetes kicked my butt with a vengeance. I am thankful that days like these are few and far between, but man, the rollercoaster is not fun and I feel like hell tonight.
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"Pretty cool, huh?" I say to Charlie's soccer teammates, as I remove his pump from his pants and hold down the up arrow.
We met for ice cream and handed out trophies yesterday afternoon. Charlie couldn't wait for his first-ever trophy. He was giddy all morning despite having unexplained high blood sugars.
The boys watch, with dripping brown, blue and white beards, as I hold the up arrow button down for what feels like an eternity. 97, 144, 172. Higher. 201, 233, 268. Higher. 280, 312 and , stop! 339. Phew! At least it wasn't 340. Now that would have been high.
I cringe as he bites into the chocolate ice cream and his own brown beard takes shape around his mouth. He smiles at me, knowing that his face looks funny. I smile back uncomfortably. I hate this disease! I hate this disease! I HATE THIS DISEASE!
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With a tainted past of endless symptoms ranging from irregular periods to joint pain, I am constantly looking for new ways to manage my life. By manage my life I mean that I look for new techniques to relieve stress, I change my surroundings to optimize my happiness and I closely examine the medical choices I have to make. This all started about three years ago. Right after my senior year in high school, I started experiencing an array of symptoms. Slowly, they all compounded leaving me with an entire page of bullet points of things going wrong with me. Joint pain, muscle weakness, fatigue, irregular and painful periods, headaches, ear aches, mood swings and so on.
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Every day, I live my life with diabetes the same way. I
test my blood sugar, I treat lows and I change infusion sets. It is a part of me. Sometimes, it is all of me. I get frustrated on a regular basis with the highs and lows or the way it interrupts my entire life from school to dating to sleep.
It amazes me though when I look back on all those days. It makes me smile. As frustrated as I get and all the tears I cry, I don't remember diabetes as my past. Surely, it's there. I just don't remember the daily parts of the disease.
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I used to tell my perinatologist and my diabetes educator that I was "rarely surprised" when they asked how my blood sugars were doing.
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I've joked about adjusting Charlie's happiness levels due to the effect it has on his blood sugar. I'm finding now it's not so funny. The adrenalin that comes from excitement shoots Charlie's blood sugar up like a bottle rocket.
The latest culprit: summer street hockey.
Everything was fine on game day. We were at the pool having fun. Charlie clocked in at a lovely 132 just before I made the mistake of saying, "OK, let's go Charlie. We have to go home and get ready for hockey."
What a horrible dad I am to say such harmful words. In retrospect maybe I should have spoken with the enthusiasm of a corpse …
"You have that thing, Charlie. It's really nothing though."
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