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I've been on the pump for nine months now. There are still things that I don't know about it and still things I don't do to make it work efficiently. Overall, I'm still happy that I jumped into getting it and that I stuck with it past the initial adjustment phase.
I do miss things about multiple daily injections, like the clothes I could wear or the ease of being prepared. Mostly, I miss that I could be completely free. No tubing to worry about, no infusion sets, no reservoirs to fill.
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I'm leaving for Mexico today on a little (much needed) vacation. This is only my second trip since being on the pump. My first trip went over quite smoothly. I have no idea what my blood sugars ran, but I don't recall anything too horrific. And I didn't have any problems traveling with my pump or supplies.
But each trip is a little different and always a little nerve-racking. What if I didn't bring enough supplies? What if my snacks cause a red flag through airport security? Worse, what if they think I'm some terrorist because of my pump? What if I have an emergency while I'm there, surely those hospitals aren't like home?
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The day that I moved out of my mom's house, my mom cried the entire way home from my new apartment. Not only was she losing her daily companion, but she was scared. All moms get scared when their kids move out, of course. But moms of diabetics have a completely different perspective.
She had seen me have two seizures before. She'd been there when I blacked out in the grocery store when moments earlier I was feeling fine. She'd driven me to the emergency room when I was sick, in fear of DKA. She'd watched me grow up with this disease, in the highs and lows, quite literally.
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Why is it that I can remain much calmer than those around me when it comes to diabetes? I can manage a low with ease, while my mom or my friend will freak out on me. No matter the severity, the past, or the person, it just seems I can keep composure better than them.
Last night, my mom and I went out for our usual walk. I had worked out earlier in the day, so I knew my blood sugar would probably be an issue. I cut my insulin back and drank a juice half way through the walk. Not long after, I felt the low coming on full force. It was bad, I knew that. Inside my own mind, I was thinking that I just needed to make it around the next part of the walk so we would be closer to the house.
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It may be strange or alarming, but I've often imagined being kidnapped. I watch a lot of TV crime dramas, so the thoughts tend to race through my head. I imagine my reaction as a human, as a woman, and as a diabetic.
As a human, I know that I'm not giving up without a fight. My life is precious and valuable, whether someone else sees that or not. I would try every plan to escape or leave every clue to allow the police to do their jobs quickly and efficiently.
As a woman, the same truths apply. I'm not giving up without a fight. I refuse to give in to whatever threats unless I've tried my hardest to get away or delay the action.
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