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Since I'm right in the middle of my "dating prime," dating is on my mind. Of course, there is the typical stuff about meeting new guys and just trying to be myself while catching their attention. Then there is the serious side of me that wonders about the long term situations and all that entails. To top it off (like a cherry on a sundae), there is dating and diabetes.
I'm usually okay with dating and diabetes. I don't hide it, but I don't flaunt it. I always take a survey of the situation before throwing diabetes into the mix. I don't really have a problem telling dates about my diabetes. It's something that is completely a part of me and therefore, something they must completely accept.
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This might sound odd and I'll probably get various opinions on the topic, but I decided to try online "dating." I haven't had success with meeting the right person here in college, so having someone else pick for me seemed like a great idea. My logic is that more mature, serious guys will be on dating sites, rather than the typical college scene.
As I set up my profile on one of the sites, I started to wonder about how to present my conditions (both my diabetes and my other conditions). I decided to leave it out of the "About Me" sections for fear that people might judge me and move on. I didn't want to have my "cover" read incorrectly.
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When I was little, I imagined a perfect life. I picked careers, pretended to make life-changing decisions and pictured my future. Nothing was affected by realistic needs and the facts of my life. I could be anything and never worry about discrimination in the workplace. I could live anywhere and not stress over medical access or insurance. My mind was limitless.
Now I make these life-changing decisions for real: I pick future careers, places to live and potential spouses. Now I have limits. My decisions factor in my diabetes and my future with diabetes. I look at things like job requirements, insurance benefits and personal reactions to my diabetes. Everything is affected by it.
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I've known him since I was a junior in high school. We met during the years that I wasn't taking care of my diabetes. I don't even remember telling him I was diabetic. I'm sure I did, but I doubt that I made it as detailed of a thought as it should have been.
It took me about two years after I met him to finally get my diabetes act together. By that time, he had moved out of state for college. We barely saw each other, so he never experienced what my diabetes was really like. He didn't experience the terrifying lows or the frustrating highs because he just wasn't around enough to see.
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Every day, I live my life with diabetes the same way. I
test my blood sugar, I treat lows and I change infusion sets. It is a part of me. Sometimes, it is all of me. I get frustrated on a regular basis with the highs and lows or the way it interrupts my entire life from school to dating to sleep.
It amazes me though when I look back on all those days. It makes me smile. As frustrated as I get and all the tears I cry, I don't remember diabetes as my past. Surely, it's there. I just don't remember the daily parts of the disease.
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I absolutely love helping people understand the details of diabetes. I like to know that now there is one more person in the world who knows that carbs are more important than sugar, that it's often quite complicated, and that insulin is not a cure. Part of me wants to spread the wealth of knowledge. Part of me wants to have more join the diabetes "organization" (like the mafia).
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For a number of years, I was the only diabetic I knew. Diagnosed when I was a little kid, there wasn't an army of advocates knocking down the doors of my school. As far as I knew, the only meter in my elementary school was mine. In my high school, there were two meters: mine and the one belonging to a classmate's older sister. No one else I knew was taking a fingerstick before having the orange slices at soccer practice, or before tap dance lessons.
My first taste of a diabetes community came one summer at camp. Growing up in New England, I had access to one of the best diabetes camps in the country - Clara Barton Camp. I spent six summers at CBC, giggling with my fellow campers, singing my lungs out at the nightly campfire meetings, and making friends.
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