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I have been having some troubles finding the urge to blog lately. I really haven't felt like I've had anything that I consider worthwhile to share or to write about. At different times in my life I lose motivation to do things. During these times when I get down, I don't want to work, I don't want to take care of my diabetes, and I definitely don't feel like writing about it. But then again, as I write this and begin to feel the relief of getting things of my chest, I guess I do.
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Many of us have wondered "Why me?" when confronting this disease. It’s easy to get caught up in pity when you’re diagnosed with a chronic illness. We want a reason for our diabetes. Not a medical cause, but a legitimate human reason. What did we do to bring this on ourselves? Is it some sort of punishment? Is it a test? Is it God’s/god’s/the universe’s doing?

 

The "Why me?" question seems to be a necessary phase in order to fully cope with diabetes. Granted, we may never find a true answer to why this happens to us, but processing the information and coming to terms with it helps us deal.

 

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When you see the check-mark-y swoosh, you think Nike, right? An apple gets you the computer company, golden arches make you think of cheesburgers, a peacock will have you thinking Must See TV, a red cross... you get the picture.

 

And when it comes to health there are several very recognizable symbols of support, perhaps the most popular is the pink ribbon for breast cancer. I was doing some research today on breast cancer and realized that the pink ribbon is quite possibly the only symbol synonymous with only one health condition. Even the red ribbon went from AIDS to a host of other causes.

 

You see a pink ribbon you instantly think breast cancer; you see a red, green or yellow ribbon and you have to do some thinking or asking. While many diabetes organizations and associations have their own symbols, there is not one that is universal for diabetes.

 

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Up and down. That's the way it's been lately. Numbers are up, numbers are down, nothing is making sense, patterns are confusing, emotions are frustrating. I've seen some wildly high numbers in the past week or two that are completely blowing my mind. Go to bed at 109 mg/dl, but wake up at 5 am in the 300's.
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In trying to raise money for diabetes research, I've definitely noticed the effect of our declining economy. People just don't have money to give this year. 

With a month left before our team assembles for the Walk to Cure Diabetes, I've reached the stage of our JDRF fundraising campaign where I get a little desperate. When just about every person, place or thing in my periphery is fair game.

For example, driving home from a soccer game and crossing the Delaware River toll bridge. Hmm, I thought. Tolls.

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"Did it hurt real bad?"
"It burned," Charlie said. "It felt like I was on fire."
"Do you think mommy and daddy want to hurt you?"
Charlie nods in the affirmative.
"That would be really mean; like really evil. Do you think mommy and daddy are evil?"
He nods up and down again, dipping his waffle in a small bowl of sugar-free syrup.
The slight smirk tells me he doesn't truly believe that, but it sucks to hear that from your child nonetheless.
That was this morning. Last night we took Charlie to hell and back with two site changes. The first site change was so absolutely horrendous that we just HAD to do it again, the monsters that we are. (READ MORE)

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"Did it hurt real bad?"
"It burned," Charlie said. "It felt like I was on fire."
"Do you think mommy and daddy want to hurt you?"
Charlie nods in the affirmative.
"That would be really mean; like really evil. Do you think mommy and daddy are evil?"
He nods up and down again, dipping his waffle in a small bowl of sugar-free syrup.
The slight smirk tells me he doesn't truly believe that, but it sucks to hear that from your child nonetheless.
That was this morning. Last night we took Charlie to hell and back with two site changes. The first site change was so absolutely horrendous that we just HAD to do it again, the monsters that we are. (READ MORE)

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"Did it hurt real bad?"
"It burned," Charlie said. "It felt like I was on fire."
"Do you think mommy and daddy want to hurt you?"
Charlie nods in the affirmative.
"That would be really mean; like really evil. Do you think mommy and daddy are evil?"
He nods up and down again, dipping his waffle in a small bowl of sugar-free syrup.
The slight smirk tells me he doesn't truly believe that, but it sucks to hear that from your child nonetheless.
That was this morning. Last night we took Charlie to hell and back with two site changes. The first site change was so absolutely horrendous that we just HAD to do it again, the monsters that we are. (READ MORE)

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Olivia is planning on going trick-or-treating tonight. She's 13, so a bit old to be doing it, but she's using her little sister as an excuse. Who am I to knock that? I did the same thing all the way thru high school - hey, someone had to take my sister out. My parents were more than happy to let me do it.
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Traveling can be an awesome thing. I find that when I do travel, I pay the utmost attention to controlling my diabetes. I'm away from home, I don't want anything to happen. For me, the simple fact that I'm in an unfamiliar place without any "diabetic connections", is reason enough to watch my control closely. When traveling I start thinking about what I would do or where I might end up if I got really low. Personally, I guess that is one of the main reasons while I try and take special care of myself and my sugars while away on vacation or business.

This is the realization I came to this week as I was traveling on JDRF business.
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