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May 24th, 2012
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Not many people know that I've been seeing a therapist off and on since my sophomore year of college. A few of my close friends do, but I've never really expanded on why I see one or what goes on. It's something that I'm not really opposed to discuss, it just usually doesn't receive feedback the way that I want it to. So I keep it to myself unless it comes up.

 

Back in 2008, I started seeing a counselor to help me through some family issues that I was having. My health was the furthest topic from my mind. But when I look back, a major portion of those two things were combined. I've stopped therapy twice. Once because I didn't like the therapist and the second time because I just wasn't feeling the right kind of energy.

 

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I'm reading a new book now thanks to Oprah and the internet. I was cruising around the other day on MSN and I noticed a headline that caught my attention. It said something like "Oprah's Book Club takes on a new book". So I took it upon myself (I was bored and procrastinating) to check it out and it turned out to be a real eye opener. The book is called, "A NEW EARTH, Awakening to Your Life's Purpose" by Eckhart Tolle. I had never heard of this guy so I checked him out a little bit.
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To say we hit it out of the park with Charlie's new health aide would be an understatement. I was totally wrong. She does have experience testing blood sugar and she has seen a pump. Turns out she has type 2 diabetes!  Go diabetes!


We hit a hole in one. We knocked the cover off the ball. We laid down a full house. Scored a touchdown. Sorry. Been watching too much coverage of the National Conventions. I can't stop with the sports analogies. But seriously, folks, we really slogged a dibbly dobbly (a little somethin' for the cricket lovers).


What perfect timing. The aide is calling us as I sit here writing this. Let's listen in ...


(hushed chanting while Susanne talks to the aide) "We're number 1! We're number 1! We're numb ..."


Wait what? Can we rewind that?

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"Trick or Treat" came early this year.

 

Perhaps I should clarify. While Saturday, October 29 was the designated day for many children's Hallowe'en-themed activities — including costume contests, mall Trick-or-Treats, and the costumed American Diabetes Association Step Out to STOP Diabetes Walk, Mother Nature had other plans for us — plans that included snow shovels, flashlights, streets full of wet, slushy, ice-snow, and not a microwatt of electric power to be had for three towns' radius around us.

 

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OK, I really don't hate Halloween. In fact, I really like the "holiday". I love to see well-done costumes and to watch my children have so much fun gathering all that candy and showing off their costumes. It's fun to watch them have fun. Even my office-mates enjoy the black-and-orange season. This morning we all walked downstairs to see the parade of three-year-old preschoolers come through in their costumes while trick-or-treating at the downtown businesses. We oohed and aahhed at the pirate, the princess, the flower and the pilot. (READ MORE)


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I feel a shift taking place in the world today.  Its happening as we speak, and I feel it happening within me, on this site and others, before the world.  Slowly, more and more people are realizing the power of their minds.  The power to be at peace with life and whatever happens in it, the power of the ability to watch our thoughts and to not be affected by them completely.  I watched another documentary recently called, “The New Medicine”.  It touches on this very point.  More and more, people who fall ill to various things are finding the healing benefits of their own thoughts and states of consciousness while enduring the sicknesses their experiencing. 

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Diabetes has clearly not been easy lately.  Not that it ever is - but you know, it's beastliness lately has been kind of out of control. As I've written, some of that might be my fault.  I think something that's been different, and likely throwing me off, is my attitude about living with diabetes over the past year.  I'm having a much harder time remaining hopeful and positive than I have in the past. 

 

I suppose this is a normal consequence of coming up toward another full decade of the d-life. Maybe it's also many of the not diabetes related changes I've faced over the past twelve months.  Any way you slice it, things have been more challenging and I've been failing more than ever at maintaining not just control, but a healthy attitude.  

 

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I get an email from Google every day. (And boy, do I love me some Google. I don't know how I survived before it - I had to actually look things up. In books! And card catalogs! Now, tap-tap-tap and lo, I have a bajillion links at my fingertips.) Sorry. I digress. Frequently.
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I think the first time I said "I want to hate food" out loud was during my first meeting with SBD. I had been thinking it for a long time, but I don't think I'd ever actually said it.

 

I've lost and gained weight nearly my entire life, starting when I was in sixth grade. The most significant weight loss I've had to date was between February 2005 and December 2005. I had just been diagnosed with diabetes and then quickly became pregnant. The 50-lb. weight loss came from a combination of eating right and exercise, in addition to me always losing weight when I'm pregnant. 

 

Right now I need to lose about 80 lb. I hate the way I look, I hate the way I feel. I hate the way I assume people look at me and the way they see me. I hate being fat. But I'm not ready to give up food. I think I've surrendered to it.

 

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I sat at the stop sign at Love Street and Coal. Just a block away I got into my car after eating lunch. I had been good having just a sandwich, a glass of water and a handful of wheat thins crackers. I felt satisfied, not hungry and ready to go back to work. I was thanking Byetta for my lack of appetite. In fact, I remember thinking that I could have easily skipped lunch.
But between my house and Love Street the two sides of my brain prepared for battle. Going straight on Coal meant going back to work. It meant skipping the gas station or the drug store where I would break the $20 bill in my wallet for a cheap thrill. Going straight meant I had will power, that I didn't need chocolate, that I could make it through the afternoon at my desk without that rush. (READ MORE)


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Michelle Kowalski
Michelle KowalskiMichelle Kowalski, a writer, editor and photography hobbiest living in Phoenix, was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in February 2005. In January 2008, as part of her quest to start on an insulin pump, Michelle learned that she actually has type 1 diabetes. (Read More)
Lindsey Guerin
Lindsey GuerinLindsey is a typical, yet unique, Texas girl who loves shopping, movies and reading. She loves to travel and take risks. She dreams of diabetes cures, never-ending cheesecake and her own airplane. The rest you can discover in her blog! (Read More)
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