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May 24th, 2012
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No, not THAT kind of change of life!  I was laid off from my job 10 days ago.  Boy, talk about a life change!  I am doing a little contract work, so I don't know what to call my current position.  "Stay at home Mom" has such negative connotations and I find "Full-time Mother" offensive because I've been a full-time mom since my son was born, regardless of my employment status.  

 

My 4 year old has gone from 9-10 hour days at a daycare center, to 3 hours at a small local preschool.  The rest of the time he's with me.  My 14 month old is with me 24/7, or so it seems.  My husband does step up so I can maintain some other adult relationships. What those will be and how often I'll get a night off remain to be negotiated.

 

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When resources are scarce, it is human nature to try to prioritize and cut back until the situation improves. Usually, these are either short-term or seasonal shortages, giving us some idea of how long we will need to endure -- a sort of "countdown" calendar to work against. When we don't know how long the shortages will last, when necessities such as food, water, and medicine will return, we hunker down into what is called a "siege mentality". The problem with a siege mentality is that it can lead into a downward spiral, with the shortages getting more and more pronounced, until it seems impossible that there will be an outlet or that it will arrive in time... or until the besieged die.

 

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With a new year come new ideas, new resolutions, new solutions to old problems, and of course new problems needing solutions.

 

Among the last is, once again, need for a full-time job. Cell phone sales were not high enough to keep me on until Christmas, so I am once again navigating the waters of unemployment and job-search.

 

For now, enough of that. The meme going around the Diabetes Online Community has been that of "spreading the word" -- both telling people with diabetes of the online resources available to us, and bringing our online activism out to the world in which we live, visit our doctors, purchase our food and medications, and educate our children. While most of us talk about outreach in terms of getting our real-life neighbors to hook up with our online resources, I see a different reality.

 

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I wish I knew why it is that at the times we most need other people around us to comfort and support us, we find ourselves physically, technologically, financially, and psychologically unable to reach out to ask for that help.

 

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There have been a couple of recent threads on LinkedIn regarding the definition of a "cure" for diabetes.

 

As everyone here who takes insulin will agree, diabetes cannot be "cured" by diet alone. And as everyone whose diabetes is currently controlled in part, or entirely, by diet and exercise will agree, just like "insulin is not a cure", "eating the right foods" is not a cure, either.

 

Merriam-Webster defines "cure (noun)" in our sense as the following:

 

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As my birthday approaches in the next few days, my mind has certainly been on moving forward and getting older. I'm turning 23 and this year feels incredibly important. I am one step further from the "youth" of 21 and closer to the "milestone" of 25. This year feels like big changes are happening, good things are going on, and progress is being made.

 

This year has given me more wisdom than I really cared to learn. This year has been incredibly difficult, but also delightful and humbling. This year I've looked back and realized some of those "what I wish I knew then" moments.

 

What I wish I knew then and what I know now:

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Gilda Radner had a character on Saturday Night Live back in the day, when it really was funny and edgy.  Her name was Roseanne Rosannadanna, and she would tell Jane Curtin on the Weekend Update, “Well, Jane, it just goes to show you. It’s always something. If it’s not one thing, it’s another.”

 

I  spent the early part of the summer with a good handle on the diet half of the "diet & exercise" equation, but did little or no intentional exercise.  Then my job ended.  I found a really cheap deal at a decent nearby gym and joined up.

 

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Thirty-three years ago this semester, the frequent repetition of those words (or others to that effect) by high school classmates led me to take an extra semester of English in the spring term of my senior year. Anyone stepping onto my school bus and smelling the pungent odor of marijuana burning would have easily understood the reasons behind their lack of preparedness to study.

 

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I haven't posted much on my other health conditions lately. Ever since taking Accutane, my PCOS seems to be much less of a concern. And my endometriosis is now something that I've adjusted to. But lately, I'm really feeling the physical and emotional strain of these other conditions.

 

The Accutane cleared my skin completely, although it did nothing for the hyperpigmentation and scarring left behind. My breakouts are now only happening around my period, although they are getting worse with each month. Nothing too alarming yet. I've been taking vitamin A every day for the past few months. I increased it the week of my last period which seemed to help that problem.

 

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...I don't want to make the effort. This has absolutely nothing to do with the amount of insulin I take or optimal blood sugar control--although those aspects of dropping a few pounds would certainly be welcome.
I simply hate the way I look. I can't stand how I look in a mirror. I wonder all the time if people are staring at my thunder things or three-baby-having flabby abdomen. Realistically I know I'm the one focusing on these issues, but as a girl I still wonder what others think.
It's ironic, but I find myself being judgemental of other plus-size women. How can she be taken seriously when she's so chunky? I'm sure the judgements go both ways, and I suppose this affects my self-confidence in a way I haven't been able to truly see.
It's easy to pick apart all the things that I don't like about my body, and I don't look at myself too long in a mirror, and I often imagine how other people see me. (READ MORE)


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Kim Doty
Kim DotyKim is a computer systems administrator for a major food manufacturer and lives in Colorado with her husband, Steve, and their children. She currently battles the bulge and tries to develop an exercise habit to better manage her blood sugars. (Read More)
Brenda Bell
Brenda BellBrenda was diagnosed with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and Type 2 diabetes in July 2002. After a rocky start, her diabetes has been diet-controlled since January 2004 and she hopes to keep it that way for as long as possible. (Read More)
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