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"I want you to walk ahead of me in case I get stopped," I said to The Mr. We were standing in one of the "expert traveler" lines at the security checkpoint at LAX. Although I had been searched twice in my last three air travels, I thought I was free since I had gotten through security the last time without being searched.
It was particularly dark in this part of the airport. I was particularly emotional having dealt with a screaming No. 3 for about 45 minutes. We had been on vacation and she was completely off schedule and crabby. I had a feeling that I was going to get stopped coming through the security tent.
"I have an insulin pump," I said, holding my pump up for the screener to see. A mantra I had tried and not tried each time I went through security.
"OK, come on through," she said.
I beeped. I knew it.
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I received a comment on my post from yesterday that really struck a chord with me. The reader commented that their parents had died from diabetes and that they would die from it too.
When I read that I got choked up because honestly, I feel the same way.
Sure I plan on fighting the fight and checking my blood as often as I am supposed to. Of course I will continue to work on my A1C and losing weight. I am not giving up on life at all. But, in the back of my mind I “know” that diabetes is going to win in the end.
Will it be heart disease, kidney failure, or a stroke? Maybe something else. Who knows?
The fact is that with all the steps I take to live healthy the odds are against me. Diabetes has the upper hand which makes me sad and angry at the same time.
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When to tell?
I have accepted a new job. It's in a new city (half way across the country!!). It's with new people. New people who don't know that I have diabetes.
It was during my four-year tenure at my current job that I was diagnosed. I had no problem telling just about everyone in my very small office about diabetes. I already knew them and their personalities.
It's different now. I have a problem with going in to the boss on my first day and saying, "Hey, guess what..." I also have a problem with waiting three months until my benefits kick in, or even longer when someone sees me checking my sugar (or doesn't know what to do if I pass out) to say, "Oh, yeah, maybe I should have told you sooner."
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I want to be healthy. I want to live as long as I can. I want to be complication free. I want to not have diabetes.
3 of those 4 statements above I can actually do something about. I can watch what I eat, exercise, and check my blood sugar all the time. I cannot cure myself but if I can take care of the other three then I would be doing pretty good in my book.
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First, an apology: I left you hanging a month ago with part two of my diagnosis story and haven't written the rest of it. So, I'm sorry, and here's what I hope to be part three of four.
I went through nearly two trimesters of my third pregnancy managing my blood sugar with Lantus, good food choices and exercise. Sometime in late September 2005, my blood sugars started not responding well enough to what I was doing, so my educator added Novolog to the mix. I loved it.
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