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I mentioned the other day that there were some issues with my health during my blogging hiatus, and I thought I should share a bit about what was going on during that time.

I've written previously about the trials and tribulations that I've had with oral medications; they've either worked great as far as blood glucose control is concerned but had horrible side effects that I couldn't handle, or they just didn't work well at all.  It's been an on again/off again struggle for the last couple of years and, unfortunately, I dealt with more of that during my time away.

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It's my time...to have the best of both worlds.

The last week has been filled with high numbers. Consistent results in the 300's. Morning numbers in the 170's and higher. Only two lows, brought on by extensive Humalog use. 217 is not a pleasant average to look at.

I'm positive that I know exactly why these numbers are all so high. Which frustrates me (the reason, not the knowing). A bad mix of birth control pills and Accutane. Both have side effects like high blood sugar or blood sugar changes.

I'd definitely say these were high and definitely changed. And I'm very annoyed. I've raised my Lantus to 31 units in the evening, which has brought lower numbers for today. So I'll leave it at 31 units for the next day or two in order to see how it's working long term.

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Dear Metformin,

It has come to light in the last week that you have developed a couple of rather unacceptable behaviors over the last few months, and due to my strict zero-tolerance policy for medications that cause me problems, I must inform you that your services are no longer needed here. To put it bluntly, You're Fired!

When you were first hired about a year ago, you did your job well.  You helped me maintain fairly decent blood glucose levels, and assisted in the lowering of my A1C numbers.  And the side effects that several people had warned me about never appeared.  All was going well until about three months ago, and then you changed.

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I spent quite a bit of last week in desperate sadness. My mom would call and I'd want to stay on the phone forever. When we'd hang up, I'd be overwhelmed. My mind raced with doubt of relationships, nostalgia for the past, and a general hatred for what my life was. It was the all too familiar signs of the mood issues I had that started the investigation into the rest of my health.

Back in 2006, I started having what I term "crying spells." Moments of complete hysteria brought on by absolutely nothing. Not the nothing of a stubbed toe or a snippy comment. The nothing of a perfectly fine life. And I'd suddenly be in tears. My overall mood stayed okay, determined by stress and outside forces. But these breaks were out of my own control, out of body experiences.

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Monday morning, I headed to the endo in a state of hope and undeniable fear. I wanted Metformin, but had no idea how it might go in order to get it...being type 1 and all. I've been so run down by the PCOS symptoms that I'm dealing with, especially the acne. And I needed this to get through, to try, to continue hoping.

So when I posed the question of using Metformin, my heart was in my throat. Would Dr. K give me the request? Would she work with me to possibly solve some of my biggest health issues?

No. The risk that Metformin causes for acidosis was too much for a type 1, in her opinion. It just isn't an option for me...in her words.

It felt like a hammer to the thumb, a blow to the stomach, a slap in the face. The last piece of hope that I was holding on to...stripped from me. All because I'm a type 1 diabetic. The one last try that I had to solve my PCOS issues...gone.

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Today has been yet another day in which I've had to deal with the stomach issues I've written about previously.

I don't know what's causing the problems; maybe they are side effects of the mix of medications I take each day, or maybe there's something within me that's just not working properly. Whatever the source, I'm tired of the frequent nausea, diarrhea, and those lovely sulfur smelling burps.

It’s hard to get anything done around my house or at work when I’m constantly running to the restroom for one reason or another. It’s hard to stay hydrated and nourished when everything wants to come back out. And I’m exhausted because of the lack of sleep that the issues are causing.

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I usually research every prescription I get (minus typical decongestants, cold medicine, antibiotics, etc) before I even think of filling them. I've never been one to trust that the doctor knows everything. Too many years of the doctor knowing just too little of everything. Plus a strong sense of taking care of my body in a more natural way...all leave me wary of conventional medicine.

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Right now, there is a lot running through my mind. And a lot going on inside my body. I feel the need to make lists, a comforting task that usually calms me in the strangest way. I also feel the need to go for a run, sleep forever, and chat with some good friends over hot chocolate. Which of those will win out? The lists, for sure. Maybe a run. Then some sleep.

There is surely more to my life than my health, right? This week I'm in need of constant reminders that this is the truth and that my life is NOT ruled by diabetes, PCOS, or whatever else is currently going on inside me. Despite the fact that Marvin* is running through my mind by some strange occurrences and that butterflies rise up in my stomach whenever I think that Monday I start submitting resumes to professional jobs, most of this week has been focused on my health or my ill health. Whichever way the glass fills.

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Nicole recently blogged about her late aunt's battle with the dual diagnosis of depression and diabetes, and wondered why -- with modern medical care available to her, and with prescriptions to deal with both illnesses -- her aunt took neither, allowing her body to destroy itself piece by piece, taking only the medications prescribed to her for pain.

While I don't presume to have known Nicole's aunt Margaret, I can see a number of issues that can complicate the combined issue of self-care and chronic disease in general, and diabetes in particular.

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I spoke to the doctor about my recurring stomach issues as I had planned during my appointment this morning. And as I suspected, she stated her belief that it was medication related; that the problems were, in fact, side effects of one of the medications that I have been taking for a while. Considering the number of different bottles in my medicine cabinet, many of which list stomach issues as possible side effects, the logical question was which one.

After carefully going over the scripts in my chart, the doctor recommended discontinuing a drug called Protonix that I have been taking for treating acid reflux, because it was known to cause the problems I’ve had. The caveat was that if the acid reflux reared its ugly head again, I would more than likely end up on the medication again.

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