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Charlie clutched Baby Doggy, a small puppy with a thin blue collar, and pulled the comforter higher onto his shoulders as we tucked him in. Baby Doggy's age starting to show in its fading gray coat and crusty tail. He also squeezed a small stuffed turtle named Pop as Susanne removed his insulin pump from his waist and gave him a correction for a blood sugar of 530.
Diabetes has spawned many emotions from Charlie. It has made him angry many times, frustrated often and ferociously defiant. On rare occasions, it's even made him happy if you can believe that. Skipping long lines at Disney comes to mind. Oh, and you should see how he dances around the hospital gift shop after an endo appointment.
But, on this night, something new. He was scared of diabetes.
"What if it goes up to 700?"
"What if it goes up to 1100?"
"Does it go up that high?"
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Susanne was in the living room on the couch late one night when she heard what she thought was a light tap-tap-tap of one of our kids running down the wood stairs. She then heard a child's voice that whispered "mom" or "momma."
"Who's awake?" Susanne called upstairs. It was about 11 pm and I was in Charlie's room, testing his blood sugar.
"Huh? What do you mean? They're all asleep," I said, poking my head downstairs.
She sat wide awake and erect on the couch and looked at me very seriously.
"I think we have a ghost."
But wait, there's more.
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In February and March we sought the guidance of diabetes author and coach Gary Scheiner to see if we too could "Think Like a Pancreas."
Our few meetings energized us briefly, but soon enough, we were back to feeling lost and utterly confused. After about five months, the pump wasn't working out as we hoped it would.
In April we decided to throw out all carb ratios and basal levels and begin with a clean slate, following more pump frustrations and a disappointing A1c of 9.6. We felt we hit rock bottom. We worked daily with the pump educator, tweaking and tweaking and tweaking and scratching our heads until we could tweak and scratch no more.
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Olivia recently pulled a stunt that simultaneously scared the crap out of me and made me madder that a sack full of wet cats.
She, against my instructions, set up an account on My Space. I found out she had it a while ago and would check her site every few days just to make sure everything was kept above board. She mostly used it to talk to her friends and to check out celebrities like Hannah Freakin' Montana. Oy. I let her know that I knew about it and that I was checking it out and she was fine with that.
Until this weekend, however. She changed her age to read 17 (she's 13) and some random guy contacted her. They talked for a bit until he started getting graphic at which point, she told him to leave her alone. What made me angry was that she gave the guy her name, her school and her address. What sent me thru the roof was that I didn't hear this from her, but rather from the vice principal at her school. Yeah, that one went over well.
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Olivia recently pulled a stunt that simultaneously scared the crap out of me and made me madder that a sack full of wet cats.
She, against my instructions, set up an account on My Space. I found out she had it a while ago and would check her site every few days just to make sure everything was kept above board. She mostly used it to talk to her friends and to check out celebrities like Hannah Freakin' Montana. Oy. I let her know that I knew about it and that I was checking it out and she was fine with that.
Until this weekend, however. She changed her age to read 17 (she's 13) and some random guy contacted her. They talked for a bit until he started getting graphic at which point, she told him to leave her alone. What made me angry was that she gave the guy her name, her school and her address. What sent me thru the roof was that I didn't hear this from her, but rather from the vice principal at her school. Yeah, that one went over well.
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As I came in the back door, I asked E. if it was OK that we had come this way. "Of course," she said, kissing my cheek, "you're family." It was Saturday night and we were all gathered to celebrate Hanukkah with our friends. Friends I've known since sixth grade, friends I went to high school with, grandparents of friends and ex-stepmothers of friends.
As with most holiday celebrations, one of the focuses of the evening was the food, particulary the potato pancakes. And Uh Mah Gawd does my friend's mom make the most incredible ones I've ever had. (OK so they're the only ones I've ever had, but that's not really the point.)
Anyway, as was requested, I sat where I was. Turns out there were mostly kids at my table, but whatever. I also sat next to Pearl, an old friend's grandmother. She has trouble walking and is without most of her upper body strength, so she essentially sat where she was, too. My friend J. asked Pearl if she could make her a plate.
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As I came in the back door, I asked E. if it was OK that we had come this way. "Of course," she said, kissing my cheek, "you're family." It was Saturday night and we were all gathered to celebrate Hanukkah with our friends. Friends I've known since sixth grade, friends I went to high school with, grandparents of friends and ex-stepmothers of friends.
As with most holiday celebrations, one of the focuses of the evening was the food, particulary the potato pancakes. And Uh Mah Gawd does my friend's mom make the most incredible ones I've ever had. (OK so they're the only ones I've ever had, but that's not really the point.)
Anyway, as was requested, I sat where I was. Turns out there were mostly kids at my table, but whatever. I also sat next to Pearl, an old friend's grandmother. She has trouble walking and is without most of her upper body strength, so she essentially sat where she was, too. My friend J. asked Pearl if she could make her a plate.
(READ MORE)
I keep saying that my
new diagnosis doesn't change anything, but it does. It just does. I can't put my finger on it, and many of the things that are going through my mind as being "worse" than having type 2 are likely just unfounded fears.
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I was talking recently with a friend of ours whose twelve year old daughter was just diagnosed with type 1. As much as I love my friend, her attitude toward her daughter and her daughter's diabetes scared me a little. She uses the phrase "It's that simple," quite a bit. For example, she recently informed me that she told her daughter 'Sit your butt in the chair and test your bloodsugar. You have to do it - it's that simple.' She continued by telling me that crying about diabetes is not tolerated in her house.
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Late Friday night, The Mr. came to bed and snuggled up close to me.
"You scared me this afternoon," he said quietly into my ear.
I had been asleep for some time, but his footsteps woke me. Or perhaps I was sleeping lightly.
"I know," I said. "I was scared, too."
We shared one of those moments Friday afternoon that makes you see so many things in a different way, makes you appreciate even more the people who are there for you.
That morning, I had been feeling a little down about some things. After dropping off No. 2 at the sitter after preschool, I called The Mr. just to chat, but he could hear it in my voice and asked me to come by his office.
"You seem really down," he said hugging me.
"I am," I said.
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