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Diabetes is a very physical disease. It loves to leave behind marks to show it was there. The strange "tells," "war wounds," and "evidence" that this disease is wreaking havoc on my body both internally and externally.

The easiest sign of diabetes is the calluses on my fingertips. They've been my biggest complaint with this disease (physically at least) since I can remember. I hate the way they mar my fingers with their tiny spots and uneven edges. It never can be skin against skin, smooth and simple. When I run my hands over anything, I feel the tips of my fingers drop their tiny hints of this disease.

As if my fingertips weren't beaten enough, my body has all the signs of needles and insertions. I have bruises galore. Plus the tiny red spots from infusion sites and syringes. And every three months, there's the bruise of getting blood drawn on the crease of my arm.

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I talked to Olivia again about going off the pump and she's adamant about wanting to do it.  We were changing her site because, once again, the site she'd had in got infected. She only keeps a site in for 2 days, but they often seem to get red and irritated. We use antiseptic wipes before inserting them - I don't know if she's just sensitive or if we're doing something wrong or what, but she's sick of it. I don't blame her; after looking at her stomach and arms, she's got a lot of ugly, raised white  bumps, especially on her belly. We rotate sites all the time and go pretty far out on to her sides, but the scars just don't seem to go away.

I don't know if there's anything that can be used to get rid of the scars or if she's stuck with them forever.  I just know they really bother her. 

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This morning I needed to change my infusion set for my pump.The infusion set is what goes into your body that allows the insulin from the pump to get to you. I change mine every 3 days.

I usually always put my sets in on my thighs. I have plenty of fat there and then I can stash the pump in my sock and it leaves belts feeling less like Batman's and keeps my pocket free. 

As of late I have noticed that I hurts more then it used to when I put the infusion set in. Also I have been pulling out more sites due to bad absorbtion. 

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I try to change my infusion site every 3 days. Generally, I hit the mark almost perfectly at 72 hours. Lately, I've been running the pump all the way to the last drop of insulin so my infusion sites go a little longer (only about 5 hours). I've just gotten lazy in changing them out.

Even before I started doing that, my pump supplies started piling up. I would get shipments for 3 months before I was anywhere near being out. I have a 3-month supply just sitting in my closet while I still use the current supply I have (about 1 month). My next shipment will probably be here within the month.

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My mind moves all the time. I'm always thinking about something. In an effort to separate my home time from my work time I have to ban myself from thinking about work while in the shower. I know, it sounds bizzare, but first thing in the morning I'm already thinking through the tasks I have to complete before the day is over.
 

So, this morning I was searching for things to occupy my mind while in the shower. I settled on the string of nasty high blood sugars I've had for the last several days. Perfect 5:30 a.m. topic, right? Washing, my hand ran over my infusion site. I considered its position on my abdomen. I seem to have the best absorption when my site is located within, say, a three to four inch radius of my belly button. Yes, exactly the area the pump information tells us to avoid.
 

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You are the night
You are the days
You are the hours until
You are the pain on his face
You are his pinching eyelids
You are his grinding teeth
You are the screaming
You are the 2 am light bulb
You are the creaky stairs
You are deception
You are doubt
You are the things that go wrong
You are runaway hands tucked under his pillow
You are the holes in his wet fingers like coral
You are panic
You are fury
You are desperation
You are paleness
You are the vacant collapse
You are the burning tremble
You are the shark in the fog
You are the dark hallway
You are the unknown
You are unanswerable questions
You are the odd imposter
You are jagged temper
You are dread
You are scar tissue and blood
You are alarm
You are guilt
You are darkening shades of purple (READ MORE)

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I had my follow up appointment with my gynecologist today, following the laparascopy that I had back in the middle of November. He showed me the pictures of every lower abdominal organ...apparently quite pleased with my overall anatomy and "beautiful" blood vessels. Talk about a man who loves his job!

Dr. B (who I simply will not quit raving about) found and removed a small spot of endometriosis (or what he assumes is that considering it was actually quite microscopic) in the cul-de-sac between my uterus and cervix. I'm really pleased to hear this because that's the precise spot that I felt the pain most and the spot that I knew there had to be something weird about. He also removed some scar tissue on or near my colon (this was less exciting so I stopped paying as much attention). He wasn't sure if this was from a virus, endometriosis, or some random body oddity.

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Well, the test strip canisters have been polished, the needles have been sharpened, the sensor has been freshly inserted and calibrated and the meter has been waxed and detailed.

It’s the first day of school.

Despite the great blog material it generates, we have decided that it would be in Charlie’s best interest if we ended my traditional first day of school diabetes discussion and book reading to the class. We feel we need to salvage what little street cred Charlie has left.

I will miss some of the wonderful questions from Charlie’s classmates.

"Can Charlie drink beer?" was a classic last year.

Of course he can!

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