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When I started writing this post I had my years mixed up and really thought that in January 2011 I'd be on the hunt for a new pump, but after doing some checking, I realized I have 18 months left before my warranty on Toohey expires. Nonetheless, I'm still already thinking about the pump-related decisions that I'll face in January 2012. 

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Admittedly, one of the reasons I chose my (old) primary care doctor is because she was just blocks away from my house. Also, she was so new to town that it was pretty easy to get a same-day appointment.

Her office is in a building with other doctor-types: a veterinarian, my dentist, etc. Since she was new to town, I basically looked the other way when it came to things like office decor. There were very basic chairs in the waiting room, very white walls, a piece of "art" that was too small for the wall. 

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As college life is coming to a close for me, I've been facing a lot of the "future." I'm constantly asked where I'm headed after this, which is promptly followed with "I have no idea!" There has been tons of ideas thrown at me, tons more that I've toyed with in my head, and tons that I've committed to then changed my mind.

Back in 2007, I started college as an English major. I registered for the basics, which included one intro English class and one sociology class among others. I enjoyed the English class, but I still had no idea what I was doing. Sociology made me ecstatic (one part being the professor I had, the other that it was exactly the way I seem to operate). The next semester, I did the same thing (one creative writing class and one "Psychology of Women" which focused a lot on the social aspects of women).

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As you know I’ll be switching from Medtronic to Animas when my warranty is up at the end of the year. Nothing really against Medtronic. I love my purple pump. It’s just that I originally planned to go with Animas and the Medtronic rep talked me out of it. I thought the CGMS function with Medtronic was where I wanted to be, but that reall didn’t work out. One of the reasons I’m switching to Animas is because of their relationship with Dexcom, which I liked much better.

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Dear Food,

I love you so much.  The way you smell, the way you feel, the way you nourish me.  You taste so good, sometimes I eat you just because you're around, not because I really need you.  And I adore how you bring people together.  That's probably one of the biggest reasons you stay in my life.  Good company is always even better with good food in the mix. 

But I hate you so much too.  The things you do to my bloodsugar are often inexplicable.  I think that carbs will pump me up and proteins and fats will keep me level, and what ends up happening is just the opposite.  I think that I've got you handled, insulin dosing wise, and it turns out I screw up completely and my bloodsugar goes soaring or plummets.  I'm often dissappointed in you, food.  How your taste builds you up and your effects break my heart.  

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Right now, I'm on 27 units of Lantus in the morning and 16 units at night. I have never been on so much insulin in my entire life. Even with that much insulin, my averages are still in the 170 to 180 range. And I feel like every week, I'm gaining another pound between the insulin and the food it makes me crave or the new inevitable lows.

I'm pretty sure that going off the Accutane will call for less insulin, although I have no idea how much longer it might take for that to be the case. I have 30 days left on the actual drug, but it's the kind of prescription that builds up in your system so it stays in your system for awhile after. I'm grateful for what it's done for my skin and my self esteem (although I'm still working on the scarring and discoloration), but I wish that there was an easier answer to these insulin needs.

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My mom took care of my diabetes for a really long time. Other parents of diabetics told her that I should be doing my own injections long before I actually started doing them. But she just couldn't bear to hand over the burden to a child, to her child. She knew that this would be my life for many years to come, so why hand it over when she was capable?

That simple act of support is one of the main reasons why I'm okay with diabetes today. I was involved in diabetic camps and had a few diabetic friends, but nothing speaks to me like the time and effort that my mom put into my disease for so many years. The pain she must have felt every time I cried after a doctor's visit, the fear she must have faced when I was passed out in the grocery store line, the depression she went through when I was first diagnosed.

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My procedure in the morning isn’t surgery in the traditional sense, but I’m being prepped for it the way I would be if I were being cut into. I had bloodwork yesterday and the hospital called me at work today to go over my medical history, all the medicines I’m taking, when not to eat, etc. Even reminded me to shower in the morning. I guess there are some folks who don’t and come in rather rank.
 

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There's nothing quite like getting raked over the coals at your endo's office first thing in the morning.

It's a necessary evil. It's actually good for everyone with diabetes to check in with their endo -- or whomever is their primary diabetes caregiver -- several times a year. So I'm not saying I don't want to go. All I'm saying is that it's no fun to hear about what a crappy job you're doing being the manager of your pancreas.

I think it's been about fourish months since I last saw K, the nurse practitioner at my endo's office. Last week I had an ultrasound on the thyroid nodule that was discovered last year. So tomorrow's appointment will be to go over the results of the ultrasound, to go over results from routine blood work I had several weeks ago, to get my A1C and to check over my general diabetes care.

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