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Life is full of simple pleasures.

Today I slept in until 12. I made some coffee. I drank about 4 cups. I had a nice little breakfast. I turned on the tv and actually caught a decent movie. The movie was, "The Broken Trail" with Robert Duval. It was about some good ol' cowboys taking some horses about 800 miles or so through some beautiful country in Wyoming. The movie really hit home with me this morning. I love to be outside. I love that I am country guy and that I am in my element when I am out in the wilderness. I love a good fire and a good meal. Sometimes I am happiest with just a cup of coffee and maybe a smoke if I feel like it.

Bottom line is today I was depressed.

I had a nice breakfast, watched that great movie, drank my coffee, and then tested my sugar.
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As I mentioned in my previous post, there's been a great deal of discussion lately about what it means to be a diabetic and how we as type 1s and type 2s self-identify with our disorders.  It's come as part of a larger (and, in my opinion, 100% stupid) dialogue about which is worse, type 1 or type 2 diabetes.

 

I was going to make a joke here, something like "My answer is type 2, because I don't have type 1, ba-DUM!"  But the thing is, it's not entirely a joke, when you think about it.

 

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I think Mousie nailed it in her comment from my last post. The age of 6 really is shaping up to be a time of new understanding. And yes, Charlie is clearly dealing with diabetes on a new level.

 

These days he's showing signs of wanting more control. He now loads the test strip into the meter, though he's not ready to test himself yet. He's also started reading labels for total carbs. A tug of war over a bag of crackers usually ensues when I try to make sure he's right about the carbs before I enter it into the pump. He's getting frustrated.

 

Charlie: Can I eat now?

 

Me: (pulling) I just want to check the carbs!

 

Charlie: (pulling) I told you! 16 carbs!

 

Me: (pulling) I. Just. Want. To. See. The.

 

Me: Shit!

 

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I've spent many hours over the past six weeks training in a local hospice program. I learned about the logistics of hospice, toured a hospice house, heard the difference between hearing and listening, and met several amazing fellow volunteers. With this hospice program, I'm certified as a volunteer to sit with hospice patients in their homes or in the hospital.

 

Over the past weeks, I've had several "hard" moments in the training. There were stories that brought up emotions about both my deceased grandparents and my late great grandfather. There were also moments where I considered myself in relation to death and mortality. Some of those moments, I wasn't exactly sure how to handle what I was feeling.

 

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I went to the doctor about my leg again yesterday. A different one. One that I feel much more comfortable with in the whole scheme of things. She seemed confident, personable, and concerned. They asked about my blood sugars, about what had been going on, and all that jazz.

 

And she believes that the infection is probably from a spider bite that turned into MRSA. Yep, MRSA. The big, scary staph infection. So now I'm sincerely hoping the new course of antibiotics kicks in soon. Because I'm totally run down in body and soul with this whole thing. I'm so exhausted, but can't sleep. I'm in pain. I'm annoyed.

 

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I didn't sleep enough Wednesday night, so by Thursday afternoon my eyelids were heavy and my body was screaming out "Sleep! Sleep!" So a little after five in the afternoon, I decided to take a quick nap. A little power nap to recharge my batteries before diving into study and cleaning mode to prepare for the coming weekend.

 

My blood sugar was at 222 with only a little active insulin. I'd been high in the early afternoon and hadn't accurately bolused for a late lunch. I decided to leave it alone until after my nap though...giving my body an hour or two to use that remaining insulin and peak out.

 

I curled up in bed with my cat and a good book...falling asleep within a few minutes. It was a dreamless sleep...too deep to notice the world around me or the world inside me. A limitless fatigue overwhelming every inch of my body and soul. The effects of ineffective sleeping and the recent change in medications.

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The morning after I realized my crappy moods were more than just deadlines and fatigue and hormones I made an appointment with SBD. I had really hoped to get in that day, but of course had to wait nearly a week.

 

I felt emotionally hung over.

 

Even my boss noticed that I wasn't myself and asked if I was feeling OK. All I could muster was "Yeah, I'm just feeling kind of down."

 

All the internet reading I had done said that things like lack of sleep/fatigue and stress can trigger symptoms of bipolar. I went to bed early that night, and the next morning at a photo shoot with a friend of mine and her family I surprised myself with how good I felt. Though, most of my irritability is directed toward my family, so maybe I shouldn't have been surprised.

 

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Thanks to En Vogue for those lyrics. We got back from vacation late Friday night but I'm still feeling my way back to my "new normal".

 

10 days in New Mexico in a travel trailer with kids (ages 4 & 1) - it went really well!  Yes, that's shock you see in my punctuation!  We went places and saw people and ran, ran, ran.  The weather was beautiful, highs hovering around 80.  They have gotten a lot of rain and some Dolly-effect flooding this summer, so it was quite lush by New Mexico standards.

 

Unfortunately, I didn't replace my workouts as I had hoped I would.  Read that as "hoped, but didn't make definite plans for ahead of time." I need to remember that for the future.  On the plus side, I was much more active than usual.

 

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First off, let me say that in my New Year's Eve post, I said IF I were going to make resolutions, those would be mine! I gave myself an out already!
I could keep this information to myself but I know it will only fester. I would then feel the need to lie about my health plans, etc, etc. In the interests of dieting naked, I will be honest.
I have gained 10 pounds from my lowest weight of 2007, last seen at the end of October. (READ MORE)

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A while back I wrote a post called "My Own Routine." It talked about how traditional exercise does not work well for me. I have to find different ways that do not feel like exercise but still fulfil the need.
Racquetball has been my main source of exercise over the past few months. I love to play but since I have lost a little weight I find I cannot figure out where my BG should be before I start and how much I should change my basal rate on my pump. Last night was racquetball night and thankfully the very first time I made it through the entire game without going low. (READ MORE)

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