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In March, it will be seventeen years. Seventeen long, grueling years. Years of promises, hope, and disappointments. The past years have included dozens of news articles, emails, updates, and doctor's promises that a cure is on the horizon.

The next five years. The next ten. Soon. We're making progress. Any day! Before you have kids. Before your kids are grown.

The promises abound. The hope alights. But the disappointment is great when five, ten years, soon disappears. Today, I'm wondering why we don't have a cure. Why are we being promised so many things and seeing so much "progress" but nothing is getting to me? Nothing is getting down to the lay-men who are living with this disease? Exactly why do all the mice get cured and I'm stuck injecting and pricking thousands of times?

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For many of us, our sense of self is tied to our glucometers, our pumps, and/or our CGMs. "Sad, but true," you may say. The truth is, we tether ourselves to these devices to maintain and/or improve our lives. In addition, most jurisdictions require us to carry at all times some form of government-issued identification -- and of course, we dare not go anywhere without our health insurance cards and our cell phones.

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There comes a point where death isn't scary anymore. But hope...hope is scary.

I'm a fan of Grey's Anatomy on ABC. The latest episode featured a terminal cancer patient...a young and seemingly vibrant woman (minus the disease ravaging her body)...who was seeking physician assisted suicide. Those lines up there were ones she said in defense of her own death.

As they passed through the TV speakers, they hit me. Hard. I know they're just fiction, that some TV writer/producer thought them up. Someone thought they knew what it felt like to face that precipice. Maybe they actually do. Maybe they're writing from experience the way that I am now.

Those words hit me hard because it's a way that I've never verbalized about emotions that I constantly feel. I've never really considered death and hope in that way. The fear. In a reverse kind of way.

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Diatribe recently ran an interview with the JDRF's new President and CEO Jeffrey Brewer.  In the interview, as do most new Presidents,  Mr. Brewer outlined his vision for the organization.  It includes "moving away from the over reliance on the cure as the central part of our message and funding" and a new focus on improvements in day to day living for people with type 1 and seeking means of prevention for those at risk for type 1. 

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Today's DBlog Week Prompt: Today let’s borrow a topic from a #dsma chat held last September.  The tweet asked “What is one thing you would tell someone that doesn’t have diabetes about living with diabetes?”.  Let’s do a little advocating and post what we wish people knew about diabetes.  Have more than one thing you wish people knew?  Go ahead and tell us everything.

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The Type 1 Now conference put on by JDRF Austin was action packed. It lasted from 9am until almost 5pm and covered a multitude of topics that fit a wide range of type 1 diabetics. From a research piece by JDRF's Aaron Kowalski to workshops to general fellowship amongst "our own," JDRF Austin hit all the high points.

After 19 years of type 1 and a lot of time spent "in the industry" (through work, volunteerism, and social media), I'm always surprised when I learn something new. Not the kind of new where I discover a different way to take my Lantus (split the dose?), but the nerdy scientific kind of new about how my body is working (or not).

But I actually learned several new things at the conference that I'm happy to both put into practice and see out over the next few years.

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Most of the time, diabetes is a heavy weight to carry.  It overwhelms the body, the soul, and the mind sometimes.  During sick times, the physical management is challenging.  During healthy times, the physical management is challenging.  During all times, the mental and emotional management is near impossible.

But even with the load of diabetes on my back, sometimes it smiles on me.  Sometimes, it shows me the kindness of others in a way I would never have experienced without it.  Sometimes, it brings the most light-filled, heartening, beautiful people into my world.  Sometimes, it shows me my own true grit, my own ability to overcome extraordinary challenges.  Diabetes opens doors that, without the weight of chronic illness, would stay closed.

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