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February 10th, 2012
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In early 2008, I took a look at Passover through the lens of diabetes. One of the traditions I discussed was Dayenu, a song we sing after the recitation of the Ten Plagues visited upon the Egyptians. The word "dayenu" is sometimes translated as "it would have been enough/sufficient". The Haggadah with which I grew up -- a highly-abridged, poorly-translated version, to be sure -- chose instead to title the English version, "We Are Grateful".

 

The list I drew up included things to be thankful for in terms of being able to live with diabetes (rather than die from it), including:

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Today, I have had diabetes for twenty five years. And I'm not sure exactly how I feel.
I guess, lucky - my body is free, so far, of complications.
I also feel somewhat happy and strong - I mean, I started this journey as a scared, angry little girl and I'm here now - a somewhat accomplished, otherwise healthy, happy woman.
And I feel a little sad - for the weight of diabetes is surely heavy on some days. I don't let myself think of what life might have been like if I'd never been diagnosed - because - really, what would be the point? I think more of the constant juggle and the often unavoidable failures and the sheer relentlessness of diabetes management. And yeah, that makes me sad. (READ MORE)


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I hate today.

 

My annual eye exam is this afternoon and every time I have to have this done, it seems I get more freaked out about it. I have a “thing” about my eyes. Let me put it to you this way, the first time I got contact lenses it took me literally 1 hour to get one in! It's embarrassing to admit that but it is the truth.

 

The fear I have is two fold. The uncomfortable procedure itself and whatever the doctor will find.

 

I cannot stand those thick eye drops. It is like molasses. Thick sticky muck being dropped in my eyes. I hate it. And it stings. At least to me it stings and there is little worse then eyes that are stinging in my humble opinion.

 

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I found some old blood work results from 2002 and was comparing them to my recent results. In 2002 I was a newlywed and had not had gestational diabetes yet. The only inkling I had of any blood sugar problems was a strong family history of type 2 diabetes and a diagnosis of hypoglycemia when I was 19.
My numbers are exponentially better today. Fasting sugar, cholesterol, triglycerides, HDL; you name it. This got me to thinking about my health and lifestyle today versus 5 years ago. I may be 5 years older but I should be feeling 10 years younger!
The biggest change, health-wise; is that I no longer smoke. 27 years of a pack plus a day are history. I have been smoke free for almost 22 months now, this alone would bring up my HDL levels. I remain very proud of this and it continues to remind me that I can change old ingrained habits. (READ MORE)


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The scheduling nurse from the Mayo Clinic called today and said the doctors have agreed to see me. And get this: I have an appointment in two weeks. Yep, two weeks! They're not squeezing me in, they're not making exceptions. I have a regular appointment.

 

So, I'm sort of stuck between really excited and fairly skeptical. I've made it pretty clear that I have high expectations for my endocrinologist. So on one hand I feel like the Mayo Clinic is the best of the best and my expectations will be met and on the other hand I feel like these people are still doctors in one of the largest cities in the country and likely see a ton of patients and why will they treat me any differently than Dr. S did?

 

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Maybe I can clear this up; maybe not everyone will understand exactly what I am trying to say.  In writing about something, or your feelings, sometimes it is very hard to convey a message.  You can have the truest intentions, and still, the precise message in which you wish to share can be misconstrued or lost completely. 

 

Where you’re at or how you feel about something when you read it can be absolutely different than another person sees it or what the original writer was attempting to say in the first place. 

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I read a lot of blogs.  I guess, in hopes of identifying things I like about those blogs and bringing them to my own online writing.  Also, just because I'm interested in other people's experiences, what they have to say, and how they express those experiences. 

 

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This morning I made the decision to stay positive. So often I get caught up in the office drama and find myself jumping on the "bad attitude" band wagon. Not cool at all.

 

So far the day has been good. Each time I hear a complaint or a bad attitude I try to find something to say to brighten things up. It's funny how in almost every situation, you can find some good in it. That silver lining.

 

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How is it that I went through this holiday season with zero visits to the gym and eating a ton of calories - with a net weight gain of only 1/2 pound and a meter average of 133 mg/dl?

 

If I knew the answer to that question, I'd be rich. 

 

I'd bottle the secret and sell it.  Well, I'd give it to you if I knew and liked you, but mostly I'd sell it.  And probably eat the profits.  And you know, that wouldn't be a big deal, because I'd have the secret.  

 

I've got some theories....

 

Karma?  I'm pretty nice.  And I've mostly been good this year in terms of diet and exercise.  Perhaps I'm reaping the karmic benefits of my past good deeds and behaviors?  

 

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I decided to try the bioidentical hormone treatment. After reading books, studies and general information, I feel that I made an educated decision. I went to a seminar and personally talked to the doctor who founded the clinic. I spent hours on the web looking through positive and negative feedback from research studies, personal stories and major medical journals. And I used my brain.

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Michelle Kowalski
Michelle KowalskiMichelle Kowalski, a writer, editor and photography hobbiest living in Phoenix, was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in February 2005. In January 2008, as part of her quest to start on an insulin pump, Michelle learned that she actually has type 1 diabetes. (Read More)
Carey Potash
Carey PotashCarey is a full-time hater of diabetes. The benefits stink. His 7-year-old son, Charlie, has been giving he and his wife the finger since November of 2003. Carey's parenting humor has appeared in various websites and print magazines. He resides in the suburbs of Philadelphia with his wife and three children. (Read More)
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