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At the end of this month, I'll see my endocrinologist for the first time since leaving the hospital with that adorable little bundle of joy. Prior to getting pregnant, I started taking insulin and I'm still on it. When I see the doctor again, I'll have the opportunity to change things up. Now that I'm done breastfeeding, I can go back on oral medications and put the insulin behind me.
Today, I started questioning if I really want to do that. What are the pros and cons of oral meds versus insulin? The obvious is a pill versus a shot, but after 15 months on insulin, I really don't have a problem with needles. Insulin is natural and the only real side effect is low blood sugar. Most oral meds have much worse side effects, like upset stomachs, headaches and rashes, in addition to hypoglycemia. (READ MORE)

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There. I said it. I have been saying that a lot lately. When The Mr. wants to know what's wrong I can often sum it up by saying, "I hate diabetes."

 

I'm having trouble dealing lately. I know people want to help. I know that when someone says, "It's a way of life," that they're trying to help. I know that when someone suggests I take a walk that they have my best interests at heart.

 

So why does it just make me want to cry? Why does it make me want to put my head through a wall? Why does it make me want to ignore diabetes and curl up in a ball in a corner? Why can I accept help from people some times and not others?

 

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Okay, I will warn you up front that this post is a total rant and has no other substance besides the fact that I need to let off some steam. I am also looking for some of you who have dealt with this annoying stereotype.
As I was minding my own business here at my desk the janitor comes up to me and asks me if I have to take shots everyday. I realize that he was listening to a conversation I was having with a co-worker about insulin and so on. A total eavesdropping moment right? So I answer, "nope." And totally leave it at that.
He says, "Oh you got off of insulin. That's good. Just a diet now or pills?"
"No I have an insulin pump."
"There is a gal in another office I clean that has to shoot up every day." Then he does it. He does this sort of motion with his right hand towards his left upturned arm. As if he is shooting up heroin or something right into his vein! (READ MORE)

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I did an insulin pump infusion set site change this morning, by the ubiquitous lamp light on the dresser. My fiance (seven weeks until the wedding!) and I were talking about thresholds for pain and how I don't have much tolerance for emotional pain but my threshold for physical pain is high.
"I know. You can stick yourself with needles all day long but you freak out if you see a spider." He grinned at me.
"I know that needles aren't going to try and crawl on my head at night, that's for sure." (READ MORE)

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One of the first things I do when I get to work every morning is check my email. Most mornings I get an email from a person in my family that simply says "Good morning!" It's a nice way to say hi and keep in touch with people who live far away. Ok, it's a nice way to procrastinate, too.
This morning when I responded to that email, I remarked that I was ready to go back to bed. Sure, it was barely 9 a.m., but I was plain mad at diabetes today for reasons I'll explain in another post.
"Bob" said he was ready to go back to bed, too. He had started on medicine today for a condition that runs in his family. He knew he needed to just bite the bullet and take the pills, but he was afraid of side effects, afraid of the "life sentence" of taking a pill a day. (READ MORE)

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The title reads "Cancer drugs halt type 1 diabetes in mice." My first response is: oh my gosh! How can this be??!??!! Then I read further. I can feel the emotions starting to get the best of me.

 

Do I break out in song? Do I start dancing around the room? Do I cry? What if this is it? What if this breakthrough is the one that we all have been striving for?

 

The article explains that research has shown two cancer drugs, Gleevec and Sutent, to halt type 1 diabetes occurrence in mice. It also says that up to 80 percent of the mice with type 1 diabetes went into remission from the drug. Eighty percent!

 

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False hope begins with an article torn out of a magazine, folded up into a neat square and given to me by my friend's mother. A photo of a cute 7-year-old girl with an embroidered pink flower clip in her hair lying on her bed alongside an expressionless Hello Kitty doll tucked behind pink pillows. The girl displays three white pills in one hand and a blue insulin pump in the other. And, of course, a smile. A warm, understated smile.
And my focus turns to words. Words in bold; words that are capitalized; words that are enlarged.
"From Pump to Pills"
"LIFE-CHANGING NEWS"
"First grader with DIABETES can now live her life free of daily insulin injections"
Being cautious about getting too excited, I scan the article for conjunctions such as however, but or although floating across the page like dark rain clouds. (READ MORE)

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I don't have to take a ton of medicines to maintain my health, but there are a number of bottles from several pharmacies in my bathroom cabinet and by the kitchen sink. It's easy for me to know when I need to renew these meds because, well, when I look in the bottle and see only two pills left I know it's time to call the pharmacy!
But with insulin, there are no pills to count, no obvious visual reminder (unless you run out, of course!) that it's time to renew. It's only supposed to be good for about 28 days, but I never count the days. When I think it's about time to renew, I may look at the date on the prescription label to see when I last renewed it. If it's around the same time frame a month later, I know it's time to renew. However, it's usually more than 28 days; often it's more like 30 or 32 days. But what's a couple of days, right? (READ MORE)

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It's been eight months since I started the bio-identical hormone treatment. I've seen progress. I've seen some setbacks in my progress. Overall, the last eight months have been interesting, slightly grueling, and very trying on my patience.

 

Between the supplements and medications that I take, my blood sugars have seen highs and lows. I have no idea how much this process has affected my blood sugars, but I do know that it certainly plays a part. I'm always wondering which supplement raises blood sugars and which lowers. I try to watch for trends, but it's too much to handle when you're taking this many supplements and prescriptions.

 

Just how many supplements and prescriptions am I supposed to take (I say supposed because I seem to lack discipline in this area)? Well here's my daily list:

 

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The one thing that I'm truly exhausted with regarding my health lately are the details of having one chronic illness on top of a slew of hormonal issues. The bills, the prescriptions, the actual supplies...I'm tired of dealing with them all. I'm running out of room in both my actual living space and in my life.

 

Throughout the month, I spend quite a large amount of time and money organizing and ordering supplies. Sometimes it's insulin prescriptions, vitamins and supplements, and sometimes it's all the hormones that keep changing on my endless list of pills to take. No matter what it is, it gets thrown into the mix of everything else going on with me, which sometimes means that things slip by or end up in disarray.

 

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