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I haven't ACTUALLY basal tested in awhile (by that, I mean I haven't done it the right way, but surely I've watched my numbers fall in patterns). I usually eat the same things for breakfast, so to me basal testing for the morning hours seems a bit ridiculous. But the last few days of numbers have me thinking that a basal test is in demand.

I've been trying to check after meals more regularly so that I can see if I want to go on Symlin later. But these new numbers have me wondering what is going on inside this body of mine.

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I am a need-to-know person. You could call it curious or nosey. I'm an information junkie. All of which could explain my profession.

If I have high or low blood sugar, I want to know why. I want to know the reason behind it so I can adjust accordingly.

So, when I experienced nearly a week of pretty elevated blood sugars, I assumed it was due to my new infusion site. I have been trying (apparently unsuccessfully) to move my sites outward from the middle of my lower abdomen. After the first branch out recently, I tried to give the site some time to settle in. But after several days, I knew it was a lost cause. So I changed the site early and despite my desire to go back to where I knew I'd get good numbers, I moved outward again. Still, I got several days of unacceptable numbers.

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I'll spare the details of dealing with government-based life insurance (Mom was a Federal Government retiree). The funeral home has been as helpful as possible (which is actually very helpful, especially in terms of compassion and empathy), but the end result is that we are dealing with businesses, and at the end of the day, they need to report a profit (or at the very least, the lack of a loss).

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Today hasn't been a good day....an all around quite annoying kind of day. It just started off bad with a dream about an old friend that set me in a very sad, nostalgic kind of mood. And as the day progressed, my health became more and more of a burden to me.

Over the last three weeks, my other health conditions took a turn for the worst. The new pills that I was trying completely threw off my body and set me back at least a month. So these last few weeks I've really been struggling. I was having terrible mood swings that would set me off in tears at literally nothing. My face started breaking out worse than ever. I was getting headaches every day. My whole body was just screaming at me.

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It's the end of my logging week again, so I'm sitting down to examine the logbook that I hold so dearly close to my diabetes management's heart. The time that I set apart for this goes something like this. First, I update the logbook with my most recent numbers, Lantus doses, and any important comments including new prescriptions, strange food choices, or exercise. Next, I tally daily averages as well as averages for time of day. After that, I analyze those averages compared to the last weeks averages and look for any resounding patterns that might need changing.

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I woke up at 383 today. To say the least, I'm angry. I have a reason as to why it was so high, but it still doesn't make complete sense. I ate a late high-carb meal last night (back to college life) and thought I'd judged my carbs correctly. I actually figured to wake up low. But obviously, diabetes had another plan in store for me.

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Sometimes, real life hands me topics for posts and pleasure, and sometimes, there are "soapbox" issues on which I feel I must speak out. Often the "issues" arise from my being a "pattern thinker": I synthesize information by finding patterns. This means I often see patterns where others don't -- but that doesn't mean the patterns are real. Just like I need to analyze blood glucose logs to make sure that pattern of highs and lows I think I'm seeing is real, I need to research and observe to see if other patterns I think I'm seeing are real, or just my subjective impressions.

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Everything seems to be all over the place lately. Despite catching up on school work and actually de-stressing this week, my blood sugars are bouncing like rubber balls in an airplane bin. My averages are up, yet I'm having rashes of severe lows. And by severe, I don't mean symptoms. I mean numbers and hypoglycemic unawareness.

Like last Thursday night, I cooked chili for a friend. Ate a giant bowl with cornbread, bolused for what I expected was way too little, and went on my way. Only to feel an urge to test a few hours later. No symptoms, just something in my brain saying that I should bite the bullet to test. And that urging left me staring at a 37. How?

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I think one of the things I hate most about my diabetes is that I never seem to follow any patterns. It seems like other people have these stable highs and lows, where it's so much easier to adjust basals or carb intake. But me...my body has a freaking mind of its own!

Before bed last night, my blood sugar was at 159. For me, I'm very comfortable with that number right before bed. It says that I won't wake up too high, but I probably won't drop in the middle of the night either. But I'd just jumped from 103 to 159 after a post-low snack (you know, the snack you eat after you've had the juice about an hour before). So I decided to bolus anyway.

About 4:30am, I woke up with a panic in my gut and a clammy feeling washing over my skin. The CGMS beeped at me LOW! I know! I tested. Sure enough, 60. I treated with 15 grams of orange juice and about 15 grams in graham crackers. Then I went back to sleep.

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This morning, getting ready for work. I looked at the scattering of dots on my thighs from old pump sites. And then I wrote this...

We test, we write it down - we test, we store results - we test, we examine results - we test, we make decisions about what to do next.

We eat, we calculate - we eat, we guess - we eat, we dose - we eat, we hold our breath and hope we've done everything right.

We take our medication, we adjust our doses - we take our medication, we wonder if it's the very best medicine for us - we take our medication, we hope that it serves our body well - we take our medication, and wait for the next big advance.

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