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There was a time when The Mr. and I could wear the same size pants. In fact, he put on a pair of my jeans one day and though they fit it didn't take him long to realize why they didn't feel right.

I thought we were heavy then. I'd love to be back in that size jeans. That was before kids. That was before 12 years of marriage. That was a long time ago.

When I look back 15 years ago at pictures of us I think about how skinny we looked. And though I didn't see it then, we were; especially compared to how we look now.

The Mr. has been contemplating weight loss surgery for years. We talked about it casually. We knew people who went through it. We knew the fantastic results. We knew it was a tough road.

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If I could control my blood sugar with my mind, I'd constantly be 85 or 100. Exactly. Not between, not a variable. Just 85 or 100. Why?

Because they are nice numbers. They aren't my favorites (my favorites are 7 and 14 which is quite odd considering what I'm about to explain). They are just good blood sugar numbers.

Because they end in 5 and 0.

Okay, maybe I'm a little OCD when it comes to numbers. For instance, the TV volume is always set on a 5 or a 0 in my house. If it HAS to be something else, then it needs to be an even number. Like 22. That's a nice number.

I don't think I do anything multiple times that involve fives or zeros. I don't wash my hands 5 times or count back to zero when I complete a sentence. My numerical OCD doesn't really infiltrate the non-diabetes part of me.

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I got my blood work results in the mail last week. All the usual suspects...kidneys, CBC, liver function, thyroid...came back within normal ranges. But my A1c was totally off the charts.

Back in July, it clocked in at 7.2%. I wasn't surprised by that because I'd switched from the pump to Lantus and had a few bumps along the way. I was also struggling with getting my exercise numbers into a decent range. So 7.2% was good, all things considered.

But now, my A1c has jumped to a whopping 8.6%. It hasn't been that high since 2007 when I wasn't taking care of my diabetes at all in the midst of college and living on my own. I have to say that this result totally shocked me. I want to say that something is off, something has to be off!

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As I looked at my averages last night in preparation for my Friday endo check-up, I couldn't help but complain to myself that there is no pattern. Every day is different, often drastically so. I can't find any constant area. There aren't variables causing these random shifts, at least not to the naked eye.

First, there's my morning blood sugars. Sometimes I wake up low even after a bedtime snack with no bolus. And sometimes I wake up in the 200 or 300 range with no apparent cause. Because of my history of seizures and severe lows, I lean towards the lows though. At this point in my life, I'd rather wake up 300 occasionally instead of trying to raise my insulin to counteract those highs.

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I'm really excited to share this blog with the whole wide world out there. It's been an insanely long time since I've seen decent blood sugar results last for more than a few hours. Overdue kind of long. So long that I was feeling like it might just never happen. But these past 24+ hours have proved otherwise...so I'm rejoicing with you.

Wednesday 8:30pm: I'm about two hours post meal and my blood sugar clocks in at 90. Italian food...amazing.

9:40pm: 114. That's without treating the 90 and just letting the Italian absorb in my system. Rejoice.

11pm: A small yogurt. No bolus.

Thursday 12am: 152. I cut my Lantus down by one unit for a 16 unit injection. I'm in the okay range for sleep, but with patterns like today, I'm not entirely comfortable.

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My first week of work went well. I made a lot of progress on the volunteer program and I'm excited to actually get volunteers out there in the next few weeks. But this weekend, I'm really wanting (and fighting) to forget about work and just enjoy my time off.

Marvin is out of town this weekend and all the girl friends I have up here are busy so it's been a nice weekend relaxing at home away from everyone else. I honestly think it's much needed to have some time to just me. It's nice to not get dressed, not worry about anyone else, and not sit waiting for a phone call to go out.

Last night, I rented a chick flick and a scary film. I made a pizza and had a glass of wine. And about 50 minutes into the chick flick, I fell fast asleep on the couch. The week definitely took a toll on my sleep patterns and energy levels. I woke up around midnight, took my Lantus, put the pizza up, and fell back asleep.

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Everything seems to be all over the place lately. Despite catching up on school work and actually de-stressing this week, my blood sugars are bouncing like rubber balls in an airplane bin. My averages are up, yet I'm having rashes of severe lows. And by severe, I don't mean symptoms. I mean numbers and hypoglycemic unawareness.

Like last Thursday night, I cooked chili for a friend. Ate a giant bowl with cornbread, bolused for what I expected was way too little, and went on my way. Only to feel an urge to test a few hours later. No symptoms, just something in my brain saying that I should bite the bullet to test. And that urging left me staring at a 37. How?

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Marvin and I went out for pancakes late last night (study week=strange eating patterns). I wasn't too concerned about my blood sugars and eating such a carb heavy/protein lacking meal. Afterall, Monday and Tuesday had showed drastic improvement.

With Monday only showing a few hours over 200 and Tuesday riding between 60 and 176 the whole day, it seemed like the insulin resistance was gone. So I ate most of my chocolate chip pancakes (but skipped on my normal amount of syrup). And bolused when we got home.

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Last week's schedule was all over the place. I didn't have my usual class times, my tests were at very abnormal times for me, and I just wasn't home very much. And my logbook shows the effects of that lack of schedule.

My averages bounced from 103 to 246...not so steady of a pattern. And my daily blood sugar checks ranged from two checks to four...my average is five per day. On top of all that, my food patterns were really all over the place, waiting until 3pm to even eat or eating in the middle of the night on several occasions.

It really bothers me how necessary a schedule is for my body. I'm not an 8 to 5 kind of girl. I like to sleep in if I can. I don't want to eat if I'm not hungry. I generally hate doing the same thing every day. But with diabetes, it's hard to manage a life like that without totally wreaking havoc on my blood sugars.

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I'm a bit behind over here so I'm wishing all of you a late Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and all the best for 2012. This holiday season I was fighting an upper respiratory infection that completely side swiped me. I was voiceless for almost 6 days, had constant coughing for three or four, and still have a lingering cough at certain points.

For the past week and a half, I've slept as much as possible. By that, I mean constantly. I was sleeping 12 hours at night, napping through most of the day, and just making it out of the house in the evening to see Marvin and some friends that were in town. I'm back to work tomorrow and sincerely hoping that I haven't ruined my sleep patterns (which are completely off thanks to this craziness).

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