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November 21st, 2009
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Diabetes: It sounds like such an ugly thing. The sound of the word diabetes makes me think something bad. When you hear the word said you're probably not thinking it is a good thing. DIABETES, I say it out loud to myself and I attempt to analyze it. The first part of the word says "Di" pronounced "die". DIABETES, I say it again. Why are you such an ugly sounding word? Can we rename you "beautiful-abetes"? That sounds a lot better. When you hear "diabetes" your mind instantly associates with bad. But, if our disease name was a word that didn't make you say "di(e)", I bet we wouldn't have as many people feeling sorry for us. How about "liveable-abetes"? I could LIVE with that!

I don't know, maybe a bunch of us could get a petition together to change the name?? I would personally take it to congress to see about getting that done!! (Just some food for thought).
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Waiting.

 

Waiting for his blood sugar to come down.

 

Waiting for his blood sugar to come up.

 

Waiting for the school to call with his numbers.

 

Waiting for him to come out of hiding so we can get this damn thing over with.

 

Waiting for the bruises to heal.

 

Waiting for science.

 

Waiting for his A1c result.

 

Waiting for good news.

 

Waiting for ketones to go away.

 

Waiting for his test strips to be delivered.

 

Waiting for technology to improve.

 

Waiting for restrictions to be lifted.

 

Waiting for people to understand.

 

Waiting for him to get older.

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I'm reading a new book now thanks to Oprah and the internet. I was cruising around the other day on MSN and I noticed a headline that caught my attention. It said something like "Oprah's Book Club takes on a new book". So I took it upon myself (I was bored and procrastinating) to check it out and it turned out to be a real eye opener. The book is called, "A NEW EARTH, Awakening to Your Life's Purpose" by Eckhart Tolle. I had never heard of this guy so I checked him out a little bit.
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There's been a lot of ta-doo around here lately about hating - or loving diabetes.

 

I'm a hater.  In the twenty seven years I've lived with it, I have heard people say that they can't hate diabetes because it has given them so much, taught them so many lessons or because it's helped to make them the person they've become or because it's brought them some of their closest friendships, or simply because it's a part of them.  That's not my view. 

 

The lessons of patience and perserverance and balance that diabetes has taught me don't matter.   The many beautiful, kind, and wonderful people I've met because I have diabetes don't matter.  The parts of me that are stronger or more focused because of diabetes don't matter.  I would give up all of those lessons, those friendships, those parts of me to be free of this disease.  

 

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This morning I made the decision to stay positive. So often I get caught up in the office drama and find myself jumping on the "bad attitude" band wagon. Not cool at all.

 

So far the day has been good. Each time I hear a complaint or a bad attitude I try to find something to say to brighten things up. It's funny how in almost every situation, you can find some good in it. That silver lining.

 

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Lowering my A1c is my diabetes priority at the moment. I'm ready to bump down from the 7.3% that I've been stuck at for the last six months. I'm looking to get back under 7% and head towards 6.5% to achieve another "lowest A1c of all time." But today it hit me that lowering my A1c is really taking a toll on me.

 

Not only is it increasing my diabetes stress to do everything right (or at least the majority), but it's also creating a domino effect with quite a few other aspects of my life. Things that are "tolerable" but when combined make me wonder if it's worth it. I feel like I'm always in a state of "weighing the consequences:" do I try harder to lower my A1c or do I tolerate the 7.3% and avoid the ill effects?

 

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Maybe I can clear this up; maybe not everyone will understand exactly what I am trying to say.  In writing about something, or your feelings, sometimes it is very hard to convey a message.  You can have the truest intentions, and still, the precise message in which you wish to share can be misconstrued or lost completely. 

 

Where you’re at or how you feel about something when you read it can be absolutely different than another person sees it or what the original writer was attempting to say in the first place. 

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To My Beloved Children:

 

I want you to know how many years I've thought about you before you've even been born. I want you to know that I've prayed over you, loved you, and considered you long before I took you into my arms.

 

From the time I knew I needed to be a mom, I started making sure my life was set up so you had the best life. I planned my life to feed you, clothe you, love you, and keep you safe. No decision regarding your future went lightly on my heart.

 

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I've been reading "Psyching Out Diabetes" off and on. Each chapter is devoted to a different emotion that commonly affects diabetes management. So far, I haven't had an epiphany. But it is nice to hear what some diabetics struggle with in their diabetes growth and how those outside are affected.

 

One of the topics in the "Anger" chapter is about terminology and labels. What is right: diabetic or person with diabetes? The great debate!

 

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There. I said it. I have been saying that a lot lately. When The Mr. wants to know what's wrong I can often sum it up by saying, "I hate diabetes."

 

I'm having trouble dealing lately. I know people want to help. I know that when someone says, "It's a way of life," that they're trying to help. I know that when someone suggests I take a walk that they have my best interests at heart.

 

So why does it just make me want to cry? Why does it make me want to put my head through a wall? Why does it make me want to ignore diabetes and curl up in a ball in a corner? Why can I accept help from people some times and not others?

 

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Lindsey Guerin
Lindsey GuerinLindsey is a typical, yet unique, Texas girl who loves shopping, movies and reading. She loves to travel and take risks. She dreams of diabetes cures, never-ending cheesecake and her own airplane. The rest you can discover in her blog! (Read More)
George Simmons
George SimmonsGeorge Simmons is a father and husband living with type 1 diabetes. A self proclaimed "born again diabetic," George began blogging as a way to meet other people living with diabetes and learn more about managing his disease. (Read More)
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