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Maeve: I'm trying! He's too strong!!

Me: Ben, help your sister!

Charlie: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Let me go!!!!!!

Me: I'm sorry, Charlie. It's for your own good.

Susanne: I've got his arms. Can you reach the eggs???

Me: Got ‘em!

Me: [cracking several eggs on Charlie's forehead and dripping over his body] Out diabetes demon! Out! Leave this body! You are not welcome here! Return to your fiery underworld where thoust belongs!!!

Maeve: Dad, you're freaking me out.

Me: Too much?

Maeve: Uh, yeah ...

Susanne:  [on phone] Sorry, mom. Can't talk now. We're fighting diabetes with dairy.

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I stuck on my belongings in gray bins. Removed my shoes and took off my belt. As I watched my suitcase, shoes, phone and belt go into the X-ray and walked through the scanner I anticipated a beep because of my pump. But as I walked through with silence, I smiled and gave myself a mental high five.

And then... "Wait ma'am. We need to do a secondary search because of your pump."

First thought: Damn!

Second thought: Hey, he knew it was a pump. Bonus points for you, buddy.

Since I was expecting this I wasn't pissed. In the past I have showed the TSA agents my pump before walking through the scanner, but since I expected to get beeped I just left it on my pocket. In the past I figured if I showed it up front and let them know what it was that I'd be shown mercy. Not.

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When you're writing about your diabetes life for a living, it can be hard to remember that there is a life outside of this disease. When you're daily racking your brain for blog topics, diabetes fundraising ideas, and how to market a diabetes network to the world, it's tough to keep track of yourself. But I've desperately been wanting to know myself more, better, wholly.

I've done just that in the past three years. Being out on my "own" here at college has made it much easier to find that true person that lies beneath all the health conditions. Sometimes I still get lost in the mix...like am I truly against large groups of new people or was my self-esteem just beaten down by the PCOS? But mostly, I've learned myself in more detail than I ever knew before.

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No matter where I'm going, or what I'm doing, my health problems are always with me.  Type 2 diabetes and congestive heart failure impact pretty much every aspect of my life in some way or another.  Having said that, though, I'm not merely a person with diabetes and heart problems.  There's more to me than that.

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When I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and congestive heart failure at the end of December 2008, I had the same thought that many newly diagnosed people have: why me?

Why me? What did I do to deserve being diagnosed with these health problems? Did I do something wrong? Did I upset the man upstairs? Why me?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? After many long days and nights of self reflection and internal debates, one thought kept nagging at me.

Why not me?

Why should I be immune to diabetes and heart problems, and everything that goes with them? Why should my luck be any better than anyone else’s? Why should the deck of cards in the game of life be stacked in my favor? My answers were simple; I should not be immune; my luck should not be any better; and life's deck of cards should not be stacked in my favor.

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This is hard. How do I say this?

After more than five years of blogging and more than 500 blog posts, it just feels like it's time.  What else can I say about Charlie and diabetes that hasn't already been said? How many times can I tell you about a dreadful night of high blood sugars? How many times can I bitch and moan about the unpredictability of this disease? How many times will I attempt to use humor and satire to cope with this shitty situation?

I'm a broken record.  It's time for it to stop.

I have met lots of great people along the way and have received so much wonderful support from so many of you. Thank you so much for following along with the blog and reading about our ridiculously dysfunctional life with diabetes. I hope we can keep in touch. It's been a blast.

Stop! No more tears! You promised!

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My averages for the past two weeks were quite amazing. My only highs were generally after breakfast (still). Unfortunately, I had quite a few lows in there. But I have to say that working full time seems to keep my blood sugars at a more stable rate (even though I was moving boxes 70% of the time). And unfortunately, I think quite a few of the lows and falling averages were from stress.

Stress seems to work backwards on me. When I'm nervous, I drop like a rock. When I'm upset, I tend to average out at a lower level. I don't see a lot of highs when I'm under the pressure.

And lately, I've been extremely stressed. To the point that I'm getting ulcers in my mouth (a common occurrence for me during stressful times). I have so much going on in my life right now.

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There are a lot of things in this world that I don't understand and don't choose to understand. Politics is one of them. I despise politics. I don't do office politics, I don't play games with people, I feel like I'm a straight-shoting tell-it-like-it-is kind of person. So, I really don't like politics. Which means I don't pay attention to bills and votes and all that nonsense. I should, I've tried, but I don't.

I do know enough to know that the passage of the health-care reform bill today and the fact that it's being sent to President Obama's desk to be signed in to law (which it will) is a big deal.

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