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February 9th, 2012
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ADM logoIf nothing else, diabetes has provided me with stories to tell.

 

Like the time before diagnosis when I peed my pants.  Or the time I told a classmate if they weren't careful, I'd put insulin in their milk and make them diabetic.  Or the time I socked a kid who called a diabetic friend of mine "sugar-freak."  Or the times I've made a donkey of myself during a low.  

 

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For the past few years, I've gotten into the bad diabetes habit of skipping boluses. Not food boluses. But blood sugar boluses. I have the habit of foregoing boluses when my blood sugar is 160 and under. I'll see a 140 or 155 and skip the bolus instead of bringing it down to 100. But above 160, I'm good about bolusing to bring the number down (something about those 180s and 200s scare me into submission).

 

I know that this extremely bad habit leaves my averages a little higher than they should be. And I'm not sure exactly why I do this...maybe over the years, a 150 doesn't seem so bad. Maybe I just get tired of so many injections a day so I leave off the "unnecessary" ones. Maybe it's some habit that I started in my childhood.

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It's the end of my logging week again, so I'm sitting down to examine the logbook that I hold so dearly close to my diabetes management's heart. The time that I set apart for this goes something like this. First, I update the logbook with my most recent numbers, Lantus doses, and any important comments including new prescriptions, strange food choices, or exercise. Next, I tally daily averages as well as averages for time of day. After that, I analyze those averages compared to the last weeks averages and look for any resounding patterns that might need changing.

 

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Back in 1993, diabetes was a very bulky disease. Meters were two or three times their size now. Lancet devices didn't "ping" the way they do these days; it was more of a "thwack" with no control on how far it went into tiny finger tips. Strip bottles were double their size.

 

Those basic necessities added up to a hefty weight alone. On top of that, we carried rolls of Lifesavers, a glucagon kit, alcohol swabs, extra syringes and lancets, logbooks, tubes of icing, and random tidbits that got added along the way. It was enough to weight a four year old to the floor.

 

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My endo appointment last Wednesday went a lot different than I expected. Leading up to it, I was just irritated with the whole process. I didn't want to go, to be subjected to the scrutiny. But because of my dad, I held strong and went.

 

I barely had time to sit down before the endo was calling me from the waiting room. She apparently was leaving early for the day and wanted to rush through my appointment. So she looked over my logbooks while the nurse took my weight, blood pressure, and blood sugar. It actually worked quite well except that the nurse gave me an odd look when I asked to prick my own finger.

 

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Logging. It is something every diabetic should do. It is important in terms of identifying patterns and making decisions about dosing - and it is vital to figuring out when you need to be paying more attention and where your problem areas are in the course of a day. I remember the bad old days of handwritten logbooks. They were cumbersome and not at all useful, even when they were kept up and brought to the doctor. Technology has come a long way and there are many great tools available for logging everything we need to be tracking. But, for me at least, logging is still an excruciating task. (READ MORE)


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Things have been busy lately. And they are about to get even busier. I've been working on the scrapbook from my Europe trip. I'm still applying for jobs and researching my move. Plus I've had the odds and ends of having a life, a family, and friends...like my brother buying his first house, my best friend leaving for 5 weeks, and helping my mom with a volunteer case.

 

So once again, it's one of those times that I've let diabetes slide into the backseat unnoticed. Instead of sitting down with my logbook and actually recalling the details, I'm guilt-ridden when I glance at it. I'm not even sure what kind of insulin to carb ratio I'm using. It was supposed to be 1:8 and maybe I've done that but I just can't seem to recall. My brain is just not in diabetes mode.

 

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Nicole wrote an entry about blood sugar logging that struck a real chord with me.
I remember using old-school blood sugar meters that took a few minutes to provide a result and didn't have a memory, so my mother would diligently write the result down in my tattered, bloodstained logbook. For the first few months - maybe years - my logbook was a steady record of how my numbers were faring. (READ MORE)


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My dad and I have our endo appointments on Wednesday. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be going right now. I already tried to move it back a week, but the doctors were both booked. I'm just not in the right place to see her.

 

For one, my stress level has been high enough with my family member's issues, the job hunt, moving back home, and all the rest of life. I'm just not in the mood to go through the endo process...the guilt, the hate, the annoyance of this disease. I'm doing fine on my own, on a regular basis. But going to the doctor brings everything to the front, it makes it so much more real.

 

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Blah, blah, blah, here she goes again, pissing and moaning about logging.

Back when the year was shiny and new, as opposed to snow-covered and grubby (and enough with the snow already, ok? I'm SICK of it. Sick.) I resolved to be more diligent about logging Olivia's blood sugars. And for a few weeks I was. And then I forgot for a couple of days. And then it was Thursday and I thought, well, I'll just start over on Monday. And I forgot again.

I've logged in fits and starts over the last 2 months, but mostly, I haven't logged at all. And now she has an endo appointment tomorrow and I'm not going to have that much information to give her and I'm pissed at myself.

I just don't know how to make myself log. I forget. And if I'm forgetting to log, how am I supposed to teach Olivia? I'm not setting a good example at all and they always tell you (who are they anyway?) that you should lead by example when it comes to your kids.
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Lindsey Guerin
Lindsey GuerinLindsey is a typical, yet unique, Texas girl who loves shopping, movies and reading. She loves to travel and take risks. She dreams of diabetes cures, never-ending cheesecake and her own airplane. The rest you can discover in her blog! (Read More)
Julia
JuliaJulia lives behind the Tofu Curtain, in the Pioneer Valley, in Western Massachusetts. It's a nice place. She likes it there. Her eldest daughter, Olivia, has type 1 diabetes. She's also 13. It's a real toss-up as to which is more difficult -- the diabetes or the teen-age drama. (Read More)
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