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May 27th, 2012
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I am going to begin this, my very first blog post here, with a confession.
I have fallen off the wagon.
Not the booze wagon; even before my type 2 diagnosis in February 2006, my drinky drink days were mostly behind me. (College was fun, from what I remember.) No, the wagon I have fallen off of is the healthy living, weight-losing, diabetic-under-control wagon.
When I was diagnosed last year, my a1c was hovering above 10, and I was about 35 pounds overweight. I was also terrified. I was 38 years old, with that big number (let's call it "thirty-ten") lurking in the near future. My own father died at the age of fifty-one after about twenty years of poorly managed diabetes. I was determined that this wouldn't be me. (READ MORE)


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A pilot in Denton, Texas, made an emergency landing near a freeway yesterday because he felt lightheaded. Only one media source stated he was diabetic. Yet the article made every major newspaper in the area.

 

Thursday, I drove down the highway in rush hour traffic digging through my bag and eating everything I had with me. As I stuffed the glucose tabs into my mouth, I sat wondering about my fellow drivers. Were any of them diabetic? Had they driven this low before? Would they be mad because I was driving low (granted we didn't reach speeds above 15 mph)?

 

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I've been in an emotional slump these past few days. I'm staying really busy and trying to keep my mind on other things, but mostly I just want to move and have my old life back where I live alone, hang out with Marvin, and have fun with my friends. Even if it means working full time or going to graduate school. I just really need that.

 

Stress hits me hard sometimes. It can really affect my health. Not my blood sugars usually, but the joint pain and the emotions and all the other issues that I deal with spiral out of control when I'm stressed. And I'm feeling incredibly stressed this past week.

 

I know that this is a transition period for me. I know that things will work out. But right now, I am just feeling so vulnerable with everything. I haven't found the right job. I'm waiting to hear back about graduate school. I have no idea when I might be able to move. Vulnerability really doesn't sit well with me.

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Here's a wonderful rainy-day project that's perfect for children and adults of all ages.

 

In our household, we love to gather around a child with diabetes and create these charming découpage infusion set sites - providing a unique and modern twist to traditional drab medical adhesives.

 

With Father's Day fast approaching, I've selected these fabulous clip art images of famous fathers to glue onto your child's body – Father Guido Sarducci, Father Time, Puff Daddy and Papa John. I just love the way the Papa John's pizza with all the toppings came out. Yum! What child wouldn't want to wear one of these magnificent infusion sites in the likeness of these wonderful fathers on their bottom?

 

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Last week, I spent several days in Mexico on vacation and on a business trip. With the extra carbs and the change in normal routine, my averages went from the 140's to the high 150's. I had one or two severe lows and a handful of minor lows. I also had one day where my pump site went sour and sent me soaring into the 300's for several hours.

 

Coming back from Mexico has been interesting on my blood sugars. I've had a few lows, of course. But at the same time, I've decided not to try so hard to keep my numbers down. I'm not completely blowing it, but I'm just not stressing myself out over highs and off numbers.

 

So Monday night, I decided to order a pizza while working on a research paper. It was nice to eat the pizza, do a fairly normal bolus, but not stress about what my blood sugar might be in the next 12 hours. I didn't even freak out when I saw consistent 200's on my meter screen.

 

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When I look back at 2007, I realize that a lot happened and that I learned a great deal about many things. First and foremost, I am happy to say that it is another year completed and another successful year behind me in the books. To say that and to think about that feels great. Every day that goes by a person living with diabetes learns something new about their disease. I can look back and recall different situations where my blood sugar got low. I remember certain times when I checked my glucose and it was off the charts high. Everything that has happened this year will be a learning experience that I can come back to in the future. I learned about myself and how different things affect me. I can recall specific weeks where everything was hunky dory and others where I felt I was going to lose it. Just living and learning each day adds more notches to my diabetic belt, a belt that I will always have. (READ MORE)


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I was beyond thrilled when my depression didn't get any worse after No. 3 was born. For as miserable as I was after No. 1 and No. 2 were born, I felt absolutely fantastic.

 

I also felt for a long while that this was just the way it was going to be. That in order to feel something close to normal I'd need to take a pill once a day. No big deal considering all the other medications I was taking to be sort of close to normal.

 

I started to have episodes or days when I would be aggravated and super angry for no apparent reason. And then just like that I'd be fine. I started to look up symptoms of bipolar disorder thinking that having what amounted to rather extreme mood swings was a hallmark of bipolar. But after some research I decided that I did not have bipolar.

 

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I'm not sure what is going on with my blood sugars lately. They are typically staying quite nice (except on the rare occasion that I decide to upset them). The problem is that nice for me means a lot of lows. And the lows lately are kicking my butt.

 

I'm seeing trends in the low 100s that stay there for hours. My morning numbers are averaging in that same range. My peaks are minimal. The meter screen shines back at me with pride.

 

But I'm not happy. Because in between the 100s and the decent averages is the constant hours of lows or the ravaging night lows that bring me to my knees. I am continually reminded that I am merely human and merely managing this disease as best I can. I haven't forgotten how much of a hold diabetes has on everything. It's actually more on my mind than it has been in a long while.

 

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OK, aside from the heat in the summer, er, maybe *because* of the heat in the summer... summer can be pretty unbearable here. In the three summers we've been here, though, I've definitely learned to appreciate the fact that 90 degrees here is dramatically different than 90 degrees in the Midwest. 90 degrees here is actually pretty nice. In fact, the other day the high was 103 and it felt pretty pleasant.

 

But when the predicted high for the day is 112 and it's already 86 at 7:30 a.m. and your air conditioning goes out, the only thing you want is for it to be about 60 degrees outside! 

 

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Moving back home has been an interesting transition. The physical moving process was challenging (getting a mover, sending my things to 2 separate places for now, and then the unpacking ordeal that has yet to be complete). Emotionally, it's also been challenging.

 

My mom and I generally get along. There really is nothing to fight about at this stage in my life. But it's still difficult to move in with someone when you've been living on your own for two years. The last time that I lived here full time (as in longer than a weekend or week at Christmas) was back in 2008. I'd forgotten how it feels.

 

There's a relief when I know that someone will be home. It's less frightening and less lonely to come home when someone else is on their way. I had two bad night lows last week and nearly called out for my mom. Even though I didn't in the end, I still knew that if something happened, someone is here to have my back.

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Lindsey Guerin
Lindsey GuerinLindsey is a typical, yet unique, Texas girl who loves shopping, movies and reading. She loves to travel and take risks. She dreams of diabetes cures, never-ending cheesecake and her own airplane. The rest you can discover in her blog! (Read More)
Brenda Bell
Brenda BellBrenda was diagnosed with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and Type 2 diabetes in July 2002. After a rocky start, her diabetes has been diet-controlled since January 2004 and she hopes to keep it that way for as long as possible. (Read More)
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