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People with diabetes, and those touched by diabetes, follow their journey with the disease through a myriad of winding emotional paths. Depression is very common for those newly diagnosed, sadness can rear its head at different stages in the game, and a little humor and humility can even find the door to expose itself from time to time. The keys for controlling those doors are littered all over the place and on  Wrld Diabetes Day today, you can follow this map of internet hotspots. Expose diabetes for all that it is, good and bad, and then share it with others. Find an emotion and embrace it!

 

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Today is the sixteenth anniversary of my diabetes diagnosis. And I'm not sure that I know what I feel, or if I'm feeling anything at all. Should I celebrate? Should I reflect? Should I move on and never recognize the day at all?

 

I definitely believe that it's a day worth recognizing. Sixteen years with this disease is a lifetime, a major feat, a true achievement. But I guess I just don't know how to feel on the actual anniversary.

 

For me, diabetes is a daily walk. It's a constant celebration. I'm always cursing it. Not a second of my life goes by without considering the consequences of diabetes, both in the present and in the future.

 

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Today is World Diabetes Day, by golly, although I doubt I'm going to get cake. (And how funny would that be? I'd eat it, too.) It does present a good opportunity to stop and actually assess my life as a diabetic.
I know, that's not politically correct. I am not supposed to self-identify as a diabetic. I am supposed to call myself a Person with Diabetes or a Swell Guy with a Complicated Pancreas or Blood Glucose Challenged or whatever. I suppose there's a newsletter that I should subscribe to in order to get the proper talking points. (READ MORE)

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To The Woman Staring:

 

You can look away now. We mean you and your family no harm. We come in peace. I assure you, the soft, black case with little rockets on it we are unzipping and spreading open does not contain materials to construct plastic explosives. You can look away. The boy is safe. We are not trying to hurt him. You are not witnessing a public display of cloning. I promise you. My wife is merely testing my son's blood sugar. It's something we do quite often. If you must know, he's 268. Surely you've seen blood before. Haven't you? Because, I have to say, you are looking at us right now like we're a decomposing octopus.

 

Seriously lady! Why don't you take a picture? It lasts longer. No, really, grab your camera. Quick! You can still get the blood in mid-drip. Do your kids want to get in the picture? There's some room in front. Just crouch down a bit. OK, smile everyone! CHEEEEEEEEESE!

 

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There. I said it. I have been saying that a lot lately. When The Mr. wants to know what's wrong I can often sum it up by saying, "I hate diabetes."

 

I'm having trouble dealing lately. I know people want to help. I know that when someone says, "It's a way of life," that they're trying to help. I know that when someone suggests I take a walk that they have my best interests at heart.

 

So why does it just make me want to cry? Why does it make me want to put my head through a wall? Why does it make me want to ignore diabetes and curl up in a ball in a corner? Why can I accept help from people some times and not others?

 

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Last week, I spent several days in Mexico on vacation and on a business trip. With the extra carbs and the change in normal routine, my averages went from the 140's to the high 150's. I had one or two severe lows and a handful of minor lows. I also had one day where my pump site went sour and sent me soaring into the 300's for several hours.

 

Coming back from Mexico has been interesting on my blood sugars. I've had a few lows, of course. But at the same time, I've decided not to try so hard to keep my numbers down. I'm not completely blowing it, but I'm just not stressing myself out over highs and off numbers.

 

So Monday night, I decided to order a pizza while working on a research paper. It was nice to eat the pizza, do a fairly normal bolus, but not stress about what my blood sugar might be in the next 12 hours. I didn't even freak out when I saw consistent 200's on my meter screen.

 

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Just the other day I was speaking with a group of co-workers about different life changing events in the life of someone with diabetes. As we sat there and talked about it I began to reflect on my own. I thought about the different times in my life such as diagnosis time, school, relationships, complications, and work. All things that every person living with diabetes can relate to, or will eventually deal with.

Where were you when you were diagnosed? What were you doing that day or at that particular time in your life? Were you at work? Were you at school? Did you go into a coma or diabetic ketoacidosis? Was your vision so blurry, that like me, you realized you couldn't see the picture on the t.v.?
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Over the weekend, I had a low blood sugar in the middle of the night that left me feeling like I had been beaten soundly and left in a ditch. (Covered in petrol, a la Eddie Izzard.)
It was a strange experience, though, because the "low hangover" feeling was neatly accompanied by a feeling of guilt. This low wasn't one that came out of no where and smacked up upside the head. This low was the result of a miscalculation while I was at dinner. (READ MORE)

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My blood sugar is currently at 384. I just stare at the number. My mind trying not to fathom what those digits represent. I checked my blood sugar because I wanted to enjoy the cookie that I saved from dinner. Now I stare at this cookie, taunting me, telling me how my life is going to be. It looks so yummy with its million chocolate chips and golden brown hue. But those numbers tell me that my cookie will have to wait. (READ MORE)

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In the summer of 1996 Susanne and I saw Semisonic perform live in a small, dank bar on the Jersey shore in support of their latest release, Great Divide. Two years later, the Minneapolis rock band's massive hit song "Closing Time" would explode across radio stations around the world.

 

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