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There are two very important people in my life who are considering weight loss surgery. I won't lie: I've thought about it, too.

I'm not really that excited, though, about the type of lifestyle you have to lead after bariatric surgery. Seems to me there's a lot of liquid involved and the recovery is long and slow. How would that affect my family? My family life? What about my job?

I've thought about a lap band, too. That seemed to be much less invasive and more my style. From what I understand, a lap band makes your stomach smaller and doesn't change the way your food is digested.

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There was a time when The Mr. and I could wear the same size pants. In fact, he put on a pair of my jeans one day and though they fit it didn't take him long to realize why they didn't feel right.

I thought we were heavy then. I'd love to be back in that size jeans. That was before kids. That was before 12 years of marriage. That was a long time ago.

When I look back 15 years ago at pictures of us I think about how skinny we looked. And though I didn't see it then, we were; especially compared to how we look now.

The Mr. has been contemplating weight loss surgery for years. We talked about it casually. We knew people who went through it. We knew the fantastic results. We knew it was a tough road.

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There was a time when I was almost ninety pounds heavier than I am today.  Ninety pounds.  That's a whole other person.  When I think back to heavier days, I don't remember being miserable - not exactly.  What I remember is this very heavy sense of inertia.  This sense that the world was pretty heavy all of the time and I think that my weight reflected that feeling. 

I would often binge, I was not terribly active (read: I didn't sit on the couch all of the time, but the thought of seeking out activity didn't appeal to me either), I made poor food choices and paid little attention as over about five years, my weight climbed and climbed. 

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I think the first time I said "I want to hate food" out loud was during my first meeting with SBD. I had been thinking it for a long time, but I don't think I'd ever actually said it.

I've lost and gained weight nearly my entire life, starting when I was in sixth grade. The most significant weight loss I've had to date was between February 2005 and December 2005. I had just been diagnosed with diabetes and then quickly became pregnant. The 50-lb. weight loss came from a combination of eating right and exercise, in addition to me always losing weight when I'm pregnant. 

Right now I need to lose about 80 lb. I hate the way I look, I hate the way I feel. I hate the way I assume people look at me and the way they see me. I hate being fat. But I'm not ready to give up food. I think I've surrendered to it.

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Much buzz has been going around the diabetes community about the recent announcement of the JDRF/Animas partnership to develop a "first generation artificial pancreas", and rightly so. The ability to eat like a "normal person", to not have to worry about debilitating highs and lows, to be able to sleep without fear of not waking up again... these are things which are, quoth Hamlet, "devoutly to be wish'd". That the road between here and there is not so simple a passage as we might hope, is well-known, and much littered with papers sporting words like "cure", "encapsulation", "transplant", "gene therapy", and -- of course -- "artificial pancreas". (READ MORE)

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