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I met my new endo this morning. I have to say that the facility is pretty nice and convenient. It took me about 5 minutes to get to from home. It's a new building, although the exam rooms look outdated between the lack of computers and the patient beds. But it's the service that counts, right?

All the nurses, front desk help, and check out assistants were nice. Not overly friendly, but did their jobs with respect. The medical assistant that took my blood pressure and blood sugar was a little awkward. She didn't tell me my blood pressure, which I find aggravating. She also didn't offer to let me prick my own finger, although her prick was adequate (and not painful like a lot of nurses). Nothing that I can't resolve at the next visit though.

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I'll spare the details of dealing with government-based life insurance (Mom was a Federal Government retiree). The funeral home has been as helpful as possible (which is actually very helpful, especially in terms of compassion and empathy), but the end result is that we are dealing with businesses, and at the end of the day, they need to report a profit (or at the very least, the lack of a loss).

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I'm a bit behind over here so I'm wishing all of you a late Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and all the best for 2012. This holiday season I was fighting an upper respiratory infection that completely side swiped me. I was voiceless for almost 6 days, had constant coughing for three or four, and still have a lingering cough at certain points.

For the past week and a half, I've slept as much as possible. By that, I mean constantly. I was sleeping 12 hours at night, napping through most of the day, and just making it out of the house in the evening to see Marvin and some friends that were in town. I'm back to work tomorrow and sincerely hoping that I haven't ruined my sleep patterns (which are completely off thanks to this craziness).

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For the third year in a row, I found myself at the doctor's office on March 15th.  That seems to be the day my allergies have decided to kick right in.  Sore throats, nasal congestion and dripping, little bit of a cough.  Every year.  Same day.  This has not made for a fantastic week.  I feel horrible.

As a result of medicating pretty heavily (Claritin, nasal decongestant, bendadryl at night) and lack of activity, the allergies have come with elevated bloodsugars that are making me feel even cruddier.  High hundreds and low two hundreds have dominated my meter landscape.  Insulin seems like a pale warrior standing up to these sugars, which just flat out refuse to surrender.  Drastic increases in both basal and bolus rates (up to 30%-40%) haven't worked with any kind of consistency.  I am not exercising because I feel like such crap.  I'm frustrated... Which means I'm avoiding.   

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Yesterday, I searched Marvin's bright blue eyes as they danced in the afternoon sun. I marveled at the gray of my cat's fur. I glanced at the scenes flying past the car window.

It was a fairly normal day. I woke up, I went to lunch with Marvin, I spent the evening with my mom. I didn't think twice about my life. Until I was watching TV last night and the thought popped into my mind, I hope I don't go blind.

It was an episode of "Without a Trace." A girl around fifteen years old had suddenly gone blind from a retinal disease. In the episode, she struggled with the loss of her sight. She acted out, she was forced to develop new systems and patterns, she lost it.

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Last week's schedule was all over the place. I didn't have my usual class times, my tests were at very abnormal times for me, and I just wasn't home very much. And my logbook shows the effects of that lack of schedule.

My averages bounced from 103 to 246...not so steady of a pattern. And my daily blood sugar checks ranged from two checks to four...my average is five per day. On top of all that, my food patterns were really all over the place, waiting until 3pm to even eat or eating in the middle of the night on several occasions.

It really bothers me how necessary a schedule is for my body. I'm not an 8 to 5 kind of girl. I like to sleep in if I can. I don't want to eat if I'm not hungry. I generally hate doing the same thing every day. But with diabetes, it's hard to manage a life like that without totally wreaking havoc on my blood sugars.

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I'm staring at my logbook right now. I have no idea what to do. My averages are still above 200, although my baseline numbers are generally running between 160 and 180. Yet I'm still seeing numbers like 302, 264, or 270 crop up.

I raised my Lantus to 33 units last night and I woke up at 96 when I'd gone to bed at 224. I'm hopeful that 33 units might be the golden number with all this. If I could get my basal numbers to drop back into a normal range (I'm looking for under 150 at the moment), then my post-meal numbers wouldn't be spiking so high. Plus I could keep working on the post-meal numbers more extensively if those basal numbers dropped.

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It's my time...to remind myself that every caregiver needs a break.

I've been my own diabetes caregiver since about the age of 13. I remember the day quite vividly that changed it all. TCH (my pediatric endos at the time) made the switch from "sugar abstinence" to "carb counting." Otherwise known as Intensive Insulin Management.

I had to attend a class about carb counting, A1c goals, and overall "intensive management." My mom usually went to every diabetes-related doctor's visit or informational. But this time, the class was on a Saturday. Her job at the time didn't allow Saturdays off, so my dad took me instead.

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It's my time...to change my habits.

Numbers have been consuming my life in the past two weeks. Every time I turn around, a number pops up that leaves me feeling out of sync, exhausted, and completely burnt out. Averages like 241 or even 301 are consuming my logbook. Seeing numbers below 170 are a rare occurrence, with most riding in the upper 200 and 300 range.

The other side of the numbers is the insulin levels. I've raised my Lantus to 32 units in the evening now. And from that, I've had my first low in a week (and it was only a 72 after not eating for quite some time). I've also almost doubled my Humalog, which seems to be the biggest deterrent to those pesky 300's that I was seeing so regularly.

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Everything seems to be all over the place lately. Despite catching up on school work and actually de-stressing this week, my blood sugars are bouncing like rubber balls in an airplane bin. My averages are up, yet I'm having rashes of severe lows. And by severe, I don't mean symptoms. I mean numbers and hypoglycemic unawareness.

Like last Thursday night, I cooked chili for a friend. Ate a giant bowl with cornbread, bolused for what I expected was way too little, and went on my way. Only to feel an urge to test a few hours later. No symptoms, just something in my brain saying that I should bite the bullet to test. And that urging left me staring at a 37. How?

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