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Everything seems to be all over the place lately. Despite catching up on school work and actually de-stressing this week, my blood sugars are bouncing like rubber balls in an airplane bin. My averages are up, yet I'm having rashes of severe lows. And by severe, I don't mean symptoms. I mean numbers and hypoglycemic unawareness.

Like last Thursday night, I cooked chili for a friend. Ate a giant bowl with cornbread, bolused for what I expected was way too little, and went on my way. Only to feel an urge to test a few hours later. No symptoms, just something in my brain saying that I should bite the bullet to test. And that urging left me staring at a 37. How?

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It's my time...to change my habits.

Numbers have been consuming my life in the past two weeks. Every time I turn around, a number pops up that leaves me feeling out of sync, exhausted, and completely burnt out. Averages like 241 or even 301 are consuming my logbook. Seeing numbers below 170 are a rare occurrence, with most riding in the upper 200 and 300 range.

The other side of the numbers is the insulin levels. I've raised my Lantus to 32 units in the evening now. And from that, I've had my first low in a week (and it was only a 72 after not eating for quite some time). I've also almost doubled my Humalog, which seems to be the biggest deterrent to those pesky 300's that I was seeing so regularly.

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Last week's schedule was all over the place. I didn't have my usual class times, my tests were at very abnormal times for me, and I just wasn't home very much. And my logbook shows the effects of that lack of schedule.

My averages bounced from 103 to 246...not so steady of a pattern. And my daily blood sugar checks ranged from two checks to four...my average is five per day. On top of all that, my food patterns were really all over the place, waiting until 3pm to even eat or eating in the middle of the night on several occasions.

It really bothers me how necessary a schedule is for my body. I'm not an 8 to 5 kind of girl. I like to sleep in if I can. I don't want to eat if I'm not hungry. I generally hate doing the same thing every day. But with diabetes, it's hard to manage a life like that without totally wreaking havoc on my blood sugars.

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It's my time...to remind myself that every caregiver needs a break.

I've been my own diabetes caregiver since about the age of 13. I remember the day quite vividly that changed it all. TCH (my pediatric endos at the time) made the switch from "sugar abstinence" to "carb counting." Otherwise known as Intensive Insulin Management.

I had to attend a class about carb counting, A1c goals, and overall "intensive management." My mom usually went to every diabetes-related doctor's visit or informational. But this time, the class was on a Saturday. Her job at the time didn't allow Saturdays off, so my dad took me instead.

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As I looked at my averages last night in preparation for my Friday endo check-up, I couldn't help but complain to myself that there is no pattern. Every day is different, often drastically so. I can't find any constant area. There aren't variables causing these random shifts, at least not to the naked eye.

First, there's my morning blood sugars. Sometimes I wake up low even after a bedtime snack with no bolus. And sometimes I wake up in the 200 or 300 range with no apparent cause. Because of my history of seizures and severe lows, I lean towards the lows though. At this point in my life, I'd rather wake up 300 occasionally instead of trying to raise my insulin to counteract those highs.

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I'm staring at my logbook right now. I have no idea what to do. My averages are still above 200, although my baseline numbers are generally running between 160 and 180. Yet I'm still seeing numbers like 302, 264, or 270 crop up.

I raised my Lantus to 33 units last night and I woke up at 96 when I'd gone to bed at 224. I'm hopeful that 33 units might be the golden number with all this. If I could get my basal numbers to drop back into a normal range (I'm looking for under 150 at the moment), then my post-meal numbers wouldn't be spiking so high. Plus I could keep working on the post-meal numbers more extensively if those basal numbers dropped.

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