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We found 10 result(s) that match your search "lack of control":

"What does pot have to do with diabetes?" The question came up in the course of a lunchtime conversation with Chris Goldstein of the Coalition for Medical Marijuana - New Jersey, as we discussed our respective advocacies. (New Jersey is currently in the middle of a medical-marijuana tug-of-war.) When the uses of medical marijuana are broached in the media, it's usually in conjunction with terminal cancer -- or intense, persistent pain. The last time I sat in on a presentation on medical marijuana, the speaker explained how it eased many of the symptoms of his late wife's multiple sclerosis. But diabetes? Tell me another one.

 

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Last week's numbers decided to soar back into the 280-330 range. My averages bumped from 156 to 188. And I really have no idea why.

 

My Lantus is up two units by now. I'm aggressively bolusing for food, which so far hasn't kicked me in the butt too hard. But I'm still not seeing the kind of rapid drops that I'd like to. At least the 300's are out the door though.

 

I'm just so frustrated with these bouncing numbers lately. It goes from bad to worse at the drop of a hat. No explanations, no cause. Just random weeks of resistance and soaring numbers.

 

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I spent quite a bit of last week in desperate sadness. My mom would call and I'd want to stay on the phone forever. When we'd hang up, I'd be overwhelmed. My mind raced with doubt of relationships, nostalgia for the past, and a general hatred for what my life was. It was the all too familiar signs of the mood issues I had that started the investigation into the rest of my health.

 

Back in 2006, I started having what I term "crying spells." Moments of complete hysteria brought on by absolutely nothing. Not the nothing of a stubbed toe or a snippy comment. The nothing of a perfectly fine life. And I'd suddenly be in tears. My overall mood stayed okay, determined by stress and outside forces. But these breaks were out of my own control, out of body experiences.

 

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The theme for this week is "Manage Your Healthcare Team".  For me, and for many others with Type 2 diabetes, this is a laugh. Team? What team? I have a primary care physician who handles everything from soup to nuts, including my diabetes care. She'll refer me to specialists and labs as needed, but she doesn't have any direct correspondence with my ophthalmologist (for whose checkup I am long overdue), and I've never had a CDE or an endo.

 

 

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It's so easy to slide back into old habits with diabetes. I do really well for a week, two weeks, sometimes I make it a whole month. Then life starts catching up and I realize that doing all these details with this disease is just really weighing me down.

 

So I slip up. Here and there, I skip a blood sugar check or forget to log something. And over time, all those tiny mess-ups add up to a lack of information that really hurts in the end. It hurts because it leaves me wondering what caused a certain number or why my averages just aren't heading any lower.

 

Right now, I'm right in the middle of all that. I did really well for about a week with keeping track of insulin injections and carb intake. Then I got burned out on life...school, diabetes, this whole pill issue. It all added up. And now I'm behind on the logging. I've missed important carb counts. I've stopped checking my blood sugar as much.

 

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Last week, a rabbi I follow on Twitter mentioned that she was beginning to work on her sermons for the Jewish High Holy Days. A bit off-the-cuff, I threw out the topic of "G-d forgiveness, versus self-forgiveness, versus forgiving one's fellow man". While the first of these sits squarely within the framework of religion, the other two often sit at the same table as the many theories of diabetes management. Especially where caregivers, and type 2 diabetes, are concerned.

 

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One of the most frustrating things that happens to me, as a direct result of diabetes, is when a low causes me to lose memory, reason, direction, and control.  The truth is, there is simply nothing more trying for me.

 

This past week has been not so great on a lot of fronts.  Work is crazy, family life is stressed, and I've got a lot on my plate and not nearly enough time to get it all done and stay sane.  As a result, eating hasn't been at the top of my priority list.  Strangely, though my basal rates sometimes work smashingly when I'm not eating, there are days when the lack of fuel in my body ends up crashing me right out.  

 

Last night, was one of those nights.  I worked 9 hours, found out halfway through the day that I would likely be working 12 hours today, had a blacksmithing class (not so much a stressor, but physically demanding), and a rumbly night with someone who means a lot to me. 

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I switched birth controls last week to Ortho Tri Cyclen Lo. A birth control pill I'd been on back in 2007 with no issues. It was a much needed switch since the Seasonique was giving me horrible nausea and had caused breakthrough bleeding.

 

Unfortunately, I've totally messed up my hormones now I believe. Because even after switching, I'm still getting breakthrough bleeding. And it's much worse than before. Not only is it a different kind of bleed (less spotty, more like a normal period), but I'm having pretty severe cramps on a regular basis.

 

This is day 21 of the breakthrough bleeding. And I thought at day 11, I was done. But now, I'm so incredibly annoyed and frustrated that I can't even put it into words. All I want is to go back in time and not take the Seasonique. Or at least not without getting a period.

 

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Yesterday, I searched Marvin's bright blue eyes as they danced in the afternoon sun. I marveled at the gray of my cat's fur. I glanced at the scenes flying past the car window.

 

It was a fairly normal day. I woke up, I went to lunch with Marvin, I spent the evening with my mom. I didn't think twice about my life. Until I was watching TV last night and the thought popped into my mind, I hope I don't go blind.

 

It was an episode of "Without a Trace." A girl around fifteen years old had suddenly gone blind from a retinal disease. In the episode, she struggled with the loss of her sight. She acted out, she was forced to develop new systems and patterns, she lost it.

 

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Not many people know that I've been seeing a therapist off and on since my sophomore year of college. A few of my close friends do, but I've never really expanded on why I see one or what goes on. It's something that I'm not really opposed to discuss, it just usually doesn't receive feedback the way that I want it to. So I keep it to myself unless it comes up.

 

Back in 2008, I started seeing a counselor to help me through some family issues that I was having. My health was the furthest topic from my mind. But when I look back, a major portion of those two things were combined. I've stopped therapy twice. Once because I didn't like the therapist and the second time because I just wasn't feeling the right kind of energy.

 

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