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May 27th, 2012
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After doing this blogging thing for a while now, I’ve learned that people get their diabetes blog fix for several different reasons. Some people are looking to gain knowledge in the management of diabetes (not from mine, I pray). Others are hoping to see that they are not alone in their struggles with this disease. Some are just looking for a laugh.

 

But more than anything else, I think people simply want to vent. To vent unlimitedly or vent anonymously (if you so choose to) or vent profanely if that floats your boat. People find comfort in venting their troubles to an accepting audience; one that hears where they’re coming from so crystal clearly. You can only vent about diabetes so much to friends and family. The eyes begin to glaze over like little roasted chickens on a spit when you speak at length about infusion set malfunctions or ketones.

 

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I knew that I hadn't checked my blood sugar in hours. Last time I did, I was 100 so I just didn't worry. I enjoyed a small dinner, judging my carbs to perfection. I carried on with my night.

 

Right before I fell asleep, I thought I should check my blood sugar just to be safe. I was feeling a little funny, minor thirst, minor nausea. I checked at 502. I haven't been above 500 in over a year.

 

I bolused like normal, wondering if my infusion set was the problem. I had changed it earlier, but I blew it off since I was 100 after lunch (and hours after the set change). I set an alarm to wake me up in two hours to make sure I was heading down.

 

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I needed a set change last night. I am not one of the good diabetics that always do their set changes the same time of day. When I run out, I change. Anyhow, last night was one of those times.
My kids wanted to play some Nintendo Wii before they had to take their evening showers so I decided that I would change my set first and then we could play. I switched from my left leg to my right leg. Typically I start at the top of my thigh on the far right and then move my way across my thigh until I have to move down and start over. Sort of an infusion set typewriter. (READ MORE)


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After the picnic last night, I was extremely tired. It'd been an incredibly long week, we'd just played all kinds of games, and to top it off my blood sugar was low. So I ate some fruit and mixed nuts hoping I wouldn't have to eat anything heavier right before crashing into my bed. But my blood sugar wouldn't come up, it seemed to only be dropping. I drank juice and ate crackers, intently watching the CGMS to tell me when it was rising.

 

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Charlie took a swig of his water, scraped his tongue with his teeth and contorted his face as if he’d just ingested lizard juice.

 

 "Dad, does everyone get ketones?"

 

"No," I told him. "I think mostly just people with diabetes."

 

Charlie stared at his water bottle and said nothing more on the subject. His lips, that wanted nothing to do with the water, were dry and colorless.

 

"Charlie, you have to drink the water," I said. "We need to get rid of these ketones."

 

"But it tastes terrible," he said. "The water doesn’t taste normal. I think it’s the ketones."

 

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(15 days ago)

 

Susanne reminds me that these days will happen.

 

So, I'm trying not to dwell on it. I'm trying to write this day off and look forward.

 

I'm trying to forget the horrible look on Charlie's face while he dips half of his head into a bucket, coughing and spitting out toxic ketones.

 

I'm trying to forget that this could have been avoided if we woke up just one more time in the middle of the night to correct him.

 

I'm trying to forget how he curls up on the big, brown chair, riding out the discomfort.

 

I'm trying to forget that not even Christmas would get him off that chair right now.

 

I'm trying to forget how quickly the ketone strip darkens to purple.

 

I'm trying to forget purple altogether.

 

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My blood sugars are in a world all their own lately. Last weeks averages are in the 200's...something I haven't experienced in probably three to four years. Even between sick days, periods, and holidays, my averages never top 190.

 

But last week was a total landslide in the diabetes realm. My body is telling me something, although I'm not positive what it is. And unfortunately, those blood sugars are now telling my body something else as they've wreaked havoc on my immune system, my energy level, and my concentration.

 

I really did try to work on my list of diabetes "to-do's" over the past week. I stopped forgetting my Lantus injections and I only let a bolus slide once or twice. I didn't check as much as I should have, nor did I get any more workouts into my routine. But I was hoping the slight increase in positive diabetes behavior would have a decreasing effect on those blood sugars.

 

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We did everything we could. He just wouldn’t ever come down.

 

This was a night from hell.

 

Shot #1.

 

519 at bedtime. He was in no mood for a shot. He became irrational - fighting us.

 

"Do you want to be 500 all night?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Do you want to spend the night in the hospital?"

 

"Yes."

 

He knocked his head on the wall repeatedly as I searched for a spot to stick him.

 

"Charlie!"

 

Shot #2

 

Midnight. Blood sugar soared back up after coming down just a bit.

 

"Not good," I called to Susanne.

 

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"This is the most sick I’ve ever felt," Charlie said last night, hugging the "puke bucket" so tightly you would have thought it was keeping him afloat.

 

He looked miserable, wanting so badly to just throw up and get the awful feeling out of his stomach. Get it over with. These are some of the most difficult times of being a parent of a child with diabetes.

 

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Ketones don't help to make the season bright.

 

When your son runs away and hides from site changes, needle injections and sensor insertions, it's hard to don our gay apparel. (And don't think I don't have any)

 

From now on our troubles are not out of sight.

 

On the contrary. Our troubles are very much in sight and apparent.

 

It's never a good sign when you walk into the kitchen and see your wife holding a syringe filled with insulin up to the lighting - flicking it with her forefinger. It generally means that Charlie's blood sugar is very high and we no longer have confidence in the pump's ability. We're going over the pump's head. Johnny Mathis singing "Winter Wonderland" in the background just makes the whole situation a bit peculiar and unsettling in its juxtaposition.

 

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Michelle Kowalski
Michelle KowalskiMichelle Kowalski, a writer, editor and photography hobbiest living in Phoenix, was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in February 2005. In January 2008, as part of her quest to start on an insulin pump, Michelle learned that she actually has type 1 diabetes. (Read More)
Nicole Purcell
Nicole PurcellNicole Purcell lists having type 1 diabetes last when she's asked to provide information about herself - because that's where it belongs.

(Read More)
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