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November 21st, 2009
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After the picnic last night, I was extremely tired. It'd been an incredibly long week, we'd just played all kinds of games, and to top it off my blood sugar was low. So I ate some fruit and mixed nuts hoping I wouldn't have to eat anything heavier right before crashing into my bed. But my blood sugar wouldn't come up, it seemed to only be dropping. I drank juice and ate crackers, intently watching the CGMS to tell me when it was rising.

 

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Charlie took a swig of his water, scraped his tongue with his teeth and contorted his face as if he’d just ingested lizard juice.

 

 "Dad, does everyone get ketones?"

 

"No," I told him. "I think mostly just people with diabetes."

 

Charlie stared at his water bottle and said nothing more on the subject. His lips, that wanted nothing to do with the water, were dry and colorless.

 

"Charlie, you have to drink the water," I said. "We need to get rid of these ketones."

 

"But it tastes terrible," he said. "The water doesn’t taste normal. I think it’s the ketones."

 

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After doing this blogging thing for a while now, I’ve learned that people get their diabetes blog fix for several different reasons. Some people are looking to gain knowledge in the management of diabetes (not from mine, I pray). Others are hoping to see that they are not alone in their struggles with this disease. Some are just looking for a laugh.

 

But more than anything else, I think people simply want to vent. To vent unlimitedly or vent anonymously (if you so choose to) or vent profanely if that floats your boat. People find comfort in venting their troubles to an accepting audience; one that hears where they’re coming from so crystal clearly. You can only vent about diabetes so much to friends and family. The eyes begin to glaze over like little roasted chickens on a spit when you speak at length about infusion set malfunctions or ketones.

 

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My blood sugars are in a world all their own lately. Last weeks averages are in the 200's...something I haven't experienced in probably three to four years. Even between sick days, periods, and holidays, my averages never top 190.

 

But last week was a total landslide in the diabetes realm. My body is telling me something, although I'm not positive what it is. And unfortunately, those blood sugars are now telling my body something else as they've wreaked havoc on my immune system, my energy level, and my concentration.

 

I really did try to work on my list of diabetes "to-do's" over the past week. I stopped forgetting my Lantus injections and I only let a bolus slide once or twice. I didn't check as much as I should have, nor did I get any more workouts into my routine. But I was hoping the slight increase in positive diabetes behavior would have a decreasing effect on those blood sugars.

 

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I needed a set change last night. I am not one of the good diabetics that always do their set changes the same time of day. When I run out, I change. Anyhow, last night was one of those times.
My kids wanted to play some Nintendo Wii before they had to take their evening showers so I decided that I would change my set first and then we could play. I switched from my left leg to my right leg. Typically I start at the top of my thigh on the far right and then move my way across my thigh until I have to move down and start over. Sort of an infusion set typewriter. (READ MORE)


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I knew that I hadn't checked my blood sugar in hours. Last time I did, I was 100 so I just didn't worry. I enjoyed a small dinner, judging my carbs to perfection. I carried on with my night.

 

Right before I fell asleep, I thought I should check my blood sugar just to be safe. I was feeling a little funny, minor thirst, minor nausea. I checked at 502. I haven't been above 500 in over a year.

 

I bolused like normal, wondering if my infusion set was the problem. I had changed it earlier, but I blew it off since I was 100 after lunch (and hours after the set change). I set an alarm to wake me up in two hours to make sure I was heading down.

 

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"This is the most sick I’ve ever felt," Charlie said last night, hugging the "puke bucket" so tightly you would have thought it was keeping him afloat.

 

He looked miserable, wanting so badly to just throw up and get the awful feeling out of his stomach. Get it over with. These are some of the most difficult times of being a parent of a child with diabetes.

 

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(15 days ago)

 

Susanne reminds me that these days will happen.

 

So, I'm trying not to dwell on it. I'm trying to write this day off and look forward.

 

I'm trying to forget the horrible look on Charlie's face while he dips half of his head into a bucket, coughing and spitting out toxic ketones.

 

I'm trying to forget that this could have been avoided if we woke up just one more time in the middle of the night to correct him.

 

I'm trying to forget how he curls up on the big, brown chair, riding out the discomfort.

 

I'm trying to forget that not even Christmas would get him off that chair right now.

 

I'm trying to forget how quickly the ketone strip darkens to purple.

 

I'm trying to forget purple altogether.

 

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Charlie clutched Baby Doggy, a small puppy with a thin blue collar, and pulled the comforter higher onto his shoulders as we tucked him in. Baby Doggy's age starting to show in its fading gray coat and crusty tail. He also squeezed a small stuffed turtle named Pop as Susanne removed his insulin pump from his waist and gave him a correction for a blood sugar of 530.


Diabetes has spawned many emotions from Charlie. It has made him angry many times, frustrated often and ferociously defiant. On rare occasions, it's even made him happy if you can believe that. Skipping long lines at Disney comes to mind. Oh, and you should see how he dances around the hospital gift shop after an endo appointment.


But, on this night, something new. He was scared of diabetes.


"What if it goes up to 700?"


"What if it goes up to 1100?"


"Does it go up that high?"

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Hovering in the shallow section of the pool, I inched closer to eavesdrop on a conversation between Maeve and Bella, a classmate of Charlie’s.

 

"Do you have diabetes like Charlie?" Bella asked.

 

"No," Maeve answered.

 

"But having diabetes isn’t the worst thing to have," Maeve added quickly.

 

Bella spun around in the neon-green tube, waiting to face Maeve again.

 

"Cancer is the worst thing," Bella said.

 

"Yeah," Maeve said.

 

"Still, it’s pretty bad (diabetes)," Maeve added, to set the record straight.

 

"Poor Charlie," Bella said sweetly.

 

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Lindsey Guerin
Lindsey GuerinLindsey is a typical, yet unique, Texas girl who loves shopping, movies and reading. She loves to travel and take risks. She dreams of diabetes cures, never-ending cheesecake and her own airplane. The rest you can discover in her blog! (Read More)
George Simmons
George SimmonsGeorge Simmons is a father and husband living with type 1 diabetes. A self proclaimed "born again diabetic," George began blogging as a way to meet other people living with diabetes and learn more about managing his disease. (Read More)
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