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May 24th, 2012
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Things seem to be coming together lately so I don't have much to complain about. Dad is off and running on his type 2 meds, I have successfully finished my first round of interviews for the job I'm applying for, and all is well for the most part on the diabetes front.

My dad started his Metformin and things are coming together pretty nicely. He is taking his daily dosage and eating better and exercising regularly. He has even enjoyed having a couple extra pounds fall off due to his new lifestyle.

Friday I had my first (phone) interview with the company I applied with. I thought it went very well and I enjoyed speaking with them. I am told the second round of the interview process will take place sometime this week. If all goes well the last step will be to make a visit to New York City for an interview in person. I believe that will take place sometime in March so I am anxious and looking forward to getting things rolling.
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I am so fatigued lately. I've been fighting these highs for a week now. It's definitely taking a toll on my body. I am generally tired, feeling antsy, and getting a little bit irritable. I still really have no clue where they are coming from either.

 

It started last Saturday after a high carb breakfast. A number that just wouldn't come down. I fought it all day. By Sunday, things were better but bounced again on Monday. And all throughout the week, it seemed to bounce back and forth. Wednesday was great, but Thursday was nasty.

 

Thanks to all the highs, I ended up running out of insulin on my trip to my new town (for my two job interviews). Before I left, I knew the bottle was low but it should have easily lasted me the two days that I'd be up there and then some. Instead, Thursday afternoon brought about a seemingly empty bottle of Humalog.

 

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I spent the last six days in Mexico with my mom on a quick vacation. Now that I'm back I feel a little overwhelmed at everything that's happening. I cannot believe how quickly this year has flown by, especially the last two months.

 

There's a lot on my mind right now from laundry to tuition being due soon. Tuition that I don't exactly have. But my biggest thought at the moment is about employment.

 

When I got off the plane on Wednesday, I had several voicemails. One from a non-profit that I applied with several weeks ago. And another about a temporary position. I've been working with temp agencies for several weeks now although I have yet been able to accept any jobs. I get calls pretty frequently, but things just keep seeming to come up.

 

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I am still not feeling quite right. My stomach is upset off and on. And since Sunday, I've had an almost constant feeling of emptiness or irritation inside my abdomen. Eating is not on my list of likes at the moment. Neither is diabetes.

 

With not eating normal meals plus the stress of my three interviews, I've changed my insulin some. Mainly, I've skipped or lessened some of what I'm taking to avoid lows or the feeling of being low even when I'm 200. I finally dropped below 200 yesterday, yet bounced back to 300 this morning.

 

I am quite sick. Of this stomach thing. Of high blood sugars. Of taking insulin. I am quite sick of living on a regimen or feeling so dependent on what my body decides to do with my day. I am quite sick of how diabetes and nausea and malaise run my life.

 

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The last few days have been rough for me. I've just felt disappointed and frustrated with how things are going at the moment. I've been trying to concentrate on other things, bide my time, but today it seems that everything is falling right into my lap.

 

My blood sugars have been all over the place still. Well, actually they are just constantly high. I'm not eating right. I'm snacking on sweets. I'm eating large meals. I'm not working out. So my blood sugars, despite large boluses, are just sticking in the 200 range. That does not make me a happy camper.

 

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I spent the better part of this week looking at apartment complexes, meeting with a potential graduate program, and learning more about the city that I'm moving to. I also went on a job interview and got lost a lot. My blood sugars stayed pretty decent throughout the stress and chaos, except for one bad high after a chocolate shake and a nasty low after Mexican food.

 

Each time I take a trip to where I'm moving, I get more and more excited. This time I really got to see where I might be living, envisioning myself driving those roads and shopping at the grocery stores. I'm still freaking out inside, wondering if this is the right decision for me. But despite the fear, I still know that I'm doing what's best for me right now and that I'm keeping my health as my priority.

 

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I'm a little torn on how to react to President Obama's nomination of Sonia Sotomayer. And this torn-ness is based only on the diabetes issue.

 

Part of me thinks: Way to go! This is awesome! I'm so happy that a high-profile person other than an athlete or actor is bringing light to diabetes and showing that we can indeed do anything and that diabetes is not an obstacle.

 

And part of me thinks: Why is this even a stinking issue? Ok, I know why it's an issue but why should Sotomayer -- or anyone for that matter -- be judged on whether or not they can perform a job simply because of diabetes?

 

It is for this reason that I chose to "hide" my diabetes during my last two job interviews. I wanted to be judged based on my qualifications and my sparkling personality not on whether I was capable of doing a job with diabetes.

 

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I debated where to wear Toohey today: in my pocket (out of sight) or on my belt as I always do. Prior to this morning, I had been to my new office three times: twice for interviews and once to sign my offer letter.* All three times Toohey was tucked neatly in my pocket, no tubing was visible, I was a normal-looking person.

 

So I debated for several days and ultimately decided not to hide, to wear Toohey on my belt as always, to be myself. I decided though to not come out and say "Hey, I have diabetes" on my first day. I just wanted it to flow, to just happen naturally. I really thought I would have had some questions since Toohey was so visible.

 

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I think I may have misspoken when I told you in my post about Sonia Sotomayer that I "hid" my diabetes in my last two job interviews. What I meant was that I put my pump in my pocket instead of wearing it on my pants pocket like I usually do.

 

But one commenter brought up a good point. That literally hiding a part of a person's life that can affect their performance on the job is definitely wrong. There is definitely room for interpretation on this. For example: how much differently is a pilot affected by blood sugar versus an ER physician versus a fast food worker versus an editor? Sure, there's a big difference and the people around them are affected also in different ways.

 

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My mind is currently in a million places at the moment. I'm in the middle of a tough decision and waiting game. I'm slightly stressed. And I'm closely watching how my Lantus change is affecting my numbers. So I'm going to take the easy way out and bullet point what's on my mind.

 

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George Simmons
George SimmonsGeorge Simmons is a father and husband living with type 1 diabetes. A self proclaimed "born again diabetic," George began blogging as a way to meet other people living with diabetes and learn more about managing his disease. (Read More)
Carey Potash
Carey PotashCarey is a full-time hater of diabetes. The benefits stink. His 7-year-old son, Charlie, has been giving he and his wife the finger since November of 2003. Carey's parenting humor has appeared in various websites and print magazines. He resides in the suburbs of Philadelphia with his wife and three children. (Read More)
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