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Thirty-three years ago this semester, the frequent repetition of those words (or others to that effect) by high school classmates led me to take an extra semester of English in the spring term of my senior year. Anyone stepping onto my school bus and smelling the pungent odor of marijuana burning would have easily understood the reasons behind their lack of preparedness to study.

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I am awake, but not really.  There is a gray fog wrapped about my head, twirling in my eyes.  And my eyes are itching, watering a little.  My tongue and my teeth are absent, though I have a vague idea they're still there in my mouth.  Missing in action too, my ability to vocalize appropriately.  I test my speech and manage a breath and then "gug gug."  

I see the ceiling above my head, white with the one little crack, or is it a crack?  Crack?  Where did that word come from?  The ceiling sure looks bright.  I like bright.  Bride?  In white.  Like the ceiling.  Where am I?

"Home."  I think, and I might slur it aloud.   "Machine."  

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I'm certainly having more lows than I have been in the past months. Saturday night, I was 85 even though I'd already eaten dinner and done no insulin yet. I sailed through Sunday with no major bumps. Then early this morning around 5am, I hit 54 and felt like I was dying for at least an hour. I woke up at 109 despite a Coke and about 45 carbs worth of Ritz crackers.

I was high after breakfast so I did extra insulin to bring myself down along with my standard lunch bolus. I was a little concerned that I might drop before dinner, but I couldn't be sure since I'd jumped so high after breakfast. I know that once you have a severe low, you're more sensitive to insulin for the next 24 hours. So I probably should have reconsidered the extra units.

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It is a little-known fact that Lionel Richie had diabetes in the 80s. It is believed that Richie contracted the disease after sleeping with a fan in Singapore during his 1984 tour of Asia. He later recalled his days with diabetes as the darkest seven days of his life. It was during these dark days that Ritchie penned this hidden gem to the melody of his smash hit, "Hello."

[Sorry,  you're gonna have to sing along. Thems the rulez.]

I'm Low

I've been alone with ‘betes in my mind

And in my dreams I've cured this thing a thousand times

I sometimes think I'll pass out on the floor

I'm low. Can't you see I'm forty four?

Can't you see it in my eyes?

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Being a tightly controlled diabetic can sometimes mean lots of low blood sugars. They usually aren't convenient. And they are never that fun. Although getting to eat whatever you want is a definite perk. But it doesn't make up for the shaking, sweating, slurring, and slowness.

All those lows really add up over the years. Some are definitely more memorable than others. The times we push too hard. Or the times where we just can't take it anymore. So many stories locked away. Of things that we've done or been through while low. Here are a few of mine. Got any good ones of your own?

• Take English finals.

• Go on dates...

• and get interrupted at the most inopportune times.

• Deny, deny, deny. "I'm not low, I'm not low...okay, I'm not THAT low."

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Last Friday, I'd spent the day studying physics and packing my apartment. There was a lot on my mind...boys, school, the future, and my body. I'd been dealing with mega water retention that entire week. And I was so disgusted with my body.

I hadn't run in a week, so I decided to hop on the treadmill for a mile or two. To drench myself in sweat and forget there was a world outside the treadmill bubble. I ran, hard, thinking of graduate schools and the park trails of northern Texas. It was the kind of run where my mind leaves and my muscles take over.

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Ever since I can remember, I've always treated lows with high carb liquids or LifeSavers until I could get something better. It's what works for me. Cokes if I'm out or juice boxes if I'm home. It curbs the symptoms fast. It's easy. And it's something that I always want when low.

I don't like glucose tabs, although I do use them on occasion. But they aren't my preferred treatment. Mainly because I can get picky when I'm low, so having something I know I'll want is better than not liking the treatment. Let's not make a bad situation worse.

If it's not a meal time, I don't usually follow the Coke or juice with anything else. Unless it's bad. Then I like cookies or crackers. My favorites: Nilla wafers, Ritz or Saltine crackers, and chocolate Teddy Grahams. Those are usually my night low choices. And I always overtreat with them.

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The past week has been intense, to say the least. I had three midterms, two of which I didn't feel prepared for up until about 5 minutes before the exam. And one of those was canceled so now I'm looking at three this week despite doing all the work for three last week. On top of that, I have homework assignments and meetings and bills due.

But the topper is that my leg infection from last week is no where near better. It actually got much worse Wednesday through Thursday. It finally started healing a little on Friday, but turned into an incredibly painful sore over the weekend. So now, I'm heading to the doctor bright and early in the morning hoping that isn't as serious as it feels.

Between the busy schedule and the infection, my blood sugars have been way too high. I even raised my Lantus today to combat the elevated glucose. Unfortunately, the crash that I was expecting didn't come in the form of blood sugars.

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Since I often go into grueling detail when Charlie is going through a rough period of high blood sugars, it’s only right that I also share some good news for a change.

Charlie’s blood sugars have been near perfect for the last three or four days. To Lucy Van Pelt, happiness may be a warm puppy and to John Lennon, happiness may be a warm gun, but to me, happiness is knowing that Charlie’s blood sugars have been in the low 100s for hours and hours. Just as long periods of highs make me sick to my stomach, long periods of just-rights feels like nirvana. It can completely make my day and get me chirping with the birds.

It’s also nice to go into our quarterly endo visit, which is tomorrow, on a good note. I almost said, "on a high note." No way. No high note. I want a good A1c. Big money! No whammies!

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Europe is absolutely amazing. I love the languages, the atmosphere, the weather. I find it enthralling that you walk everywhere. The open air markets are insane.  Everything is so perfect, so ancient, so human about this place.

Every time I turn around, we're learning something new about a culture, a language, or just this life in general. Yesterday, we toured a small town in Italy. It was perfectly picteresque. Today was Barcelona where you could buy exquisite chocolate creations in an open air market.

We still have four more stops here on the cruise plus the few days we've added to our trip for Italy. I'm totally excited about these next places. They are completely new and I have no idea what to expect.

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