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February 10th, 2012
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After a very long day at work and a difficult drive home, I walked into my house and announced that I was home but going to take nap. I marched into my room, dropped my bag at the end of the bed and hit the hay.
My journey into the land of dreams was almost immediate it seemed because no sooner did I close my eyes that I was woke up in a dark room covered in sweat. I had kicked the blankets off and was trying to muster up the energy to sit up.
I could not do it. I heard footsteps around the house. Waiting for those footsteps to get close to my door so I could moan loud enough for someone to come in seemed like an eternity. And still I had no energy. I could hear my wife on the phone talking in what I thought was the dining room and my daughter listening to the Grease soundtrack in her room. (READ MORE)


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I wanted to recognize someone who deserves credit for the amazing thing they did. This person (we'll call him Joe) performed an incredible task without even considering the consequences. Unfortunately, not many people realize the extent of Joe's actions. They carry on with their daily lives and never think twice about what Joe did. But for me, Joe is a hero. (READ MORE)


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Amidst the candles, the dreidels, the latkes (potato pancakes), gifts, and gelt (either real money or foil-covered chocolate coins), there is the maggid (story). The story of a people, oppressed by a new king who wishes them to assimilate into a different religion and culture (or to assimilate more fully into that culture), a king who defiles the holiest of holy sites, families of resistance fighters who perish -- completely -- in the quest to keep one's lifestyle and beliefs alive, and a small, hermetically-sealed bottle of oil which -- miraculously -- burned for eight days, a full week longer than it should have, enough time for its replacement to be made. Ness gadol haya sham -- a great miracle happened there.

 

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I should start this post by saying there is a history of heart disease and stroke in my family. 

 

 

My father, at 43 had a heart attack resulting in a quadruple bypass surgery.  The doctors at the time of the surgery told him that had he not quit smoking eight years earlier, he'd be dead, given the condition of his arteries. 

 

 

My maternal grandmother, who struggled with insulin dependent diabetes (we're unsure if it was actually type 2 or LADA) and its complications, for the last 35 years of her life, died at 62 of a massive heart attack.

 

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What types of spiritual practices or mental exercises do you use to help you cope with diabetes? For me, I like to mix things up and do whatever feels right at the time. Typically I use martial arts, exercise or various "mental exercises" like praying, meditation and reading spiritual books. I also love to listen to a variety of music and sit and relax around fires. This weekend will have me trying something that I have never attempted before but something that I have always been interested and curious about - a Native American sweat lodge.
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After a full week, my kids have finally emerged from their swine caves and have re-entered society, going back to school today.

 

My germaphobic wife’s biggest fear in the world (aside from a potential delay in the production of the latest Twilight series movie – New Moon) was getting swine flu. She made this startling comment while shivering on the couch last week.

 

"I better have the swine flu."

 

To think that this was just a precursor to something worse was unimaginable.

 

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Charlie clutched Baby Doggy, a small puppy with a thin blue collar, and pulled the comforter higher onto his shoulders as we tucked him in. Baby Doggy's age starting to show in its fading gray coat and crusty tail. He also squeezed a small stuffed turtle named Pop as Susanne removed his insulin pump from his waist and gave him a correction for a blood sugar of 530.


Diabetes has spawned many emotions from Charlie. It has made him angry many times, frustrated often and ferociously defiant. On rare occasions, it's even made him happy if you can believe that. Skipping long lines at Disney comes to mind. Oh, and you should see how he dances around the hospital gift shop after an endo appointment.


But, on this night, something new. He was scared of diabetes.


"What if it goes up to 700?"


"What if it goes up to 1100?"


"Does it go up that high?"

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I'm not sure what to say tonight, but I'm in need of some reflection with the people who get this. This blog is going out to this whole diabetes community who live these same things every day, who understand the words before I even type them, and who never judge even when I'm the biggest failure ever.

 

Lately, I just want to scream. I am so frustrated with my diabetes. I am so desperate for a cure. I've lived almost 18 years with this disease. I've paid my dues and done my time. I just want it to end already.

 

The way I'm living right now is as if that's true. I do all the necessities to get by, but I know that I could be working harder at this disease. I know that I could be making it to the gym more or cutting out more carbs. But I'm not. I just can't focus on the diabetes.

 

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Charlie takes quick, short breaths in between each word when he talks. He Inhales like a deep-sea diver; a woman practicing Lamaze. Especially when he's excited. Coincidentally, Darth Vader is his hero. He has a lisp that tails to the right side of his mouth and he has trouble with r's and th sounds. So it would sound a little like this:
I {breath} wheelie {breath} fink {breath} Doff { breath} Vay-duh { breath} issssth {breath} in {breath} lay-buh {breath} on {breath} fuh {breath} bottom {breath} of {breath} fuh {breath} ocean. (READ MORE)


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"Just in case," laughed Vincent Vanetta, the president and CEO of Pan "Cre" Us, a Manhattan-based maker of artificial pancreas devices.

 

"In the unfortunate event that Mr. Lopez is to catch diabetes like he caught that baseball, we at Pan "Cre" Us would like to reassure this young hero that he'll be taken care of," Vanetta, an avid Yankee fan, added.

 

Lopez says he plans to use the artificial pancreas as a paperweight for piles of hundred dollar bills.

 

The donation of the artificial pancreas comes on the heels of a whirlwind week for 23-year-old Christian Lopez, who caught and returned Derek Jeter's historic 3,000th hit.

 

(READ MORE)


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Michelle Kowalski
Michelle KowalskiMichelle Kowalski, a writer, editor and photography hobbiest living in Phoenix, was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in February 2005. In January 2008, as part of her quest to start on an insulin pump, Michelle learned that she actually has type 1 diabetes. (Read More)
Lindsey Guerin
Lindsey GuerinLindsey is a typical, yet unique, Texas girl who loves shopping, movies and reading. She loves to travel and take risks. She dreams of diabetes cures, never-ending cheesecake and her own airplane. The rest you can discover in her blog! (Read More)
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