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May 26th, 2012
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Charlie got happy on Saturday. Happy to the tune of 520 mg/dl.


For several reasons, if we have something fun planned for the kids, we don't divulge the news until the very last moment. This is because A. – it's really annoying to hear "is it time to go yet?" over and over again for weeks because they can't comprehend the concept of time or understand the complexities of calendars,  B. – we don't want them to be disappointed if for some reason we can't go, and 3. – it's really annoying to hear "is it time to go yet" over and over again for weeks.


When we went to Disney, we kept that secret for months. They found out we were going to Disney about three hours before our flight to Orlando was to depart.

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Since I often go into grueling detail when Charlie is going through a rough period of high blood sugars, it’s only right that I also share some good news for a change.

 

Charlie’s blood sugars have been near perfect for the last three or four days. To Lucy Van Pelt, happiness may be a warm puppy and to John Lennon, happiness may be a warm gun, but to me, happiness is knowing that Charlie’s blood sugars have been in the low 100s for hours and hours. Just as long periods of highs make me sick to my stomach, long periods of just-rights feels like nirvana. It can completely make my day and get me chirping with the birds.

 

It’s also nice to go into our quarterly endo visit, which is tomorrow, on a good note. I almost said, "on a high note." No way. No high note. I want a good A1c. Big money! No whammies!

 

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Day three of my Lantus experiment has gone great! I tested again today 2 hours after lunch and my sugar was 135. I was very happy to see that since I am feeling good on my new dose. Today I made sure to carefully watch my carb intake at lunch. I also made sure when I took my shot with an insulin pen that everything went in as it was supposed too. I realized last night, after I had already submitted my blog, that another potential cause of my high sugar could have been that my insulin pen had failed to deliver the dose. Whatever the case, sickness, excess carbs, or delivery error, I am happy to be back on track and moving in the right direction again.

Now on to something else,.

I have talked before about how amazing and wonderful it is to have today's reliable technology and medicines. I feel like I need to mention that again.
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I love this time of year so much and there are dozens of reasons why. Christmas time elicits so many warm feelings of love and togetherness. My mind is instantly filled with great memories and thoughts. My body just seems to run on happy auto-pilot all the time. I just feel good. People in general just seem to be so much more pleasant. Everybody's energy is so much more peaceful and caring. I constantly wonder how the world would be if everyone would just stay in this peaceful mind frame year round. Wouldn't that just be amazing? I wish. Right? One of the things that I like the most is hearing all the Christmas songs.
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A friend of mine emailed a few days ago to tell me she got her first pump. She was scared and excited at the same time.

 

I felt like she told me she had gotten engaged -- I had so much happiness and joy for her. It reminded me of the day my own pump arrived. I was in the middle of a deadline at work, but I still ripped into the box and tore into everything. I put Toohey on my hip almost immediately. It would be several days before I had my training, but I immersed myself in pump life immediately. Although I had had reservations about being attached to a contraption for 24 hours a day, those fears went out the window as soon as I was hooked up. I just knew this was going to be better.

 

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It's been roughly two weeks since I switched from Prozac to a new anti-depressant. I think I thought I would miraculously feel dramatically different pretty quickly. But I don't. However, I have noticed some subtle changes.

 

There's generally less yelling coming from me. Part of that is because The Mr. is doing more around the house, but even if he wasn't I think my moods would be more stable.

 

I find myself able to relate to and joke around with the kids a lot easier. I've realized a number of times that I'm playing around with No. 2 and No. 3 whereas several weeks ago I likely would have had a "don't bother me" attitude when they wanted to joke around. And it feels good to interact with my family differently.

 

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There's an old saying about leading a horse to water but not being able to make him drink. I've been trying to make a certain horse in my life drink water for some time now.
 

I recognized the signs a long time ago. I knew she needed to see a mental health professional. I begged, I pleaded, I guilted. I tried to reason with her. But it's hard to do that long-distance. And over e-mail.
 

I consider myself a good listener. Someone who can listen to someone non-judgementally and offer advice. But there comes a point when experience isn't good enough.
 

It's hard to watch other people suffer. And this person was suffering. There were so many issues that need to be addressed and she always said she was too busy. It's even harder to watch someone suffer when I have experienced the benefits and relief that come from professional mental health help.
 

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So last night and this morning, diabetes was a real b**tch.  I woke up at 2:22 am with a bloodsugar of 18 mg/dl.  I was alone in my apartment.  And completely confused.  I had about eighteen ridiculous notions in my head, felt enormously sad, and honestly had a hard time at first even figuring out where I was.  It wasn’t good.  I don’t really remembering testing, except seeing that very low number staring back at me from my One Touch.  I drank some juice from the fridge, standing at the door on my wobbly legs and crying.  

 

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I'm battling pretty severe nausea again this evening. I decided to stop the Metformin and just stay on the Wellbutrin until my body adjusted. But at this moment, I'm greatly reconsidering that decision and thinking that I might stop the Wellbutrin altogether. I'm not sure that it's the right choice for me or for the people who love me.

 

I didn't exactly plan to tell my mom this evening that I'd started the antidepressant, but it came up and I got exactly what I expected. A lot of shock and a lack of encouragement about being on them. She doesn't believe that my life is bad enough to warrant antidepressants (because in her mind, they are only to be used for extremely bad situations like the death of a child or a sick spouse or some other catastrophe).

 

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So...  This past week has been one of the happiest I've had in a very long time.  The promise of what's to come seems full force and I'm enjoying every second of the here and now.

 

And it's effect on my bloodsugar has been, in short, stunning.  

 

I have had two out of range bloodsugars in seven days.  Now, my control is decent, but this is more than a little unusual.  

 

I was trying to recall today the last time I'd had a week like this bloodsugar wise.  Looking back at my sugarstats page, it would appear that was over four years ago.  Four years ago, I was in a job I loved, in a stable long-term relationship, that particular week I was in San Francisco for work and enjoying the company of some long lost friends.  I was eating well, I was walking everywhere.  Physically and mentally, I felt good - I felt happy.  

 

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Michelle Kowalski
Michelle KowalskiMichelle Kowalski, a writer, editor and photography hobbiest living in Phoenix, was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in February 2005. In January 2008, as part of her quest to start on an insulin pump, Michelle learned that she actually has type 1 diabetes. (Read More)
Carey Potash
Carey PotashCarey is a full-time hater of diabetes. The benefits stink. His 7-year-old son, Charlie, has been giving he and his wife the finger since November of 2003. Carey's parenting humor has appeared in various websites and print magazines. He resides in the suburbs of Philadelphia with his wife and three children. (Read More)
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